this is the dream

As I write this, it has officially turned midnight...

which means it's September 29, 2021.

That's my birthday. 

If you know when I was born, you know this is a significant birthday numerically. I've always enjoyed being somewhat elusive about telling people my age. I just did it again.

Keep in mind, I have no issue with my age, nor have I ever. Rather, I find that others do - perhaps because I've been a pastor for a long while, and there have been times when I've shared my age and the reaction was, "Wow, you're way too young to know anything." Other times when I've shared my age, the opposite response came out with, "Wow, you're a lot older than I thought, and suddenly I'm not sure if I can relate to you."

Whatever.

I'm 50 years old today.

Yep, I wrote it. It's there, in black and white. So what? Deal with it.

Maybe I shouldn't and instead brace myself for some cheesy barrage of people who want to harass me with all the exhausting "over the hill" napkins and party horns. I'm sure if that's waiting for me, the people behind it love me and assume I'd enjoy the ribbing.

The truth is... I'm excited to be 50. 

Not in a sassy, "WOO-HOO! LOOK AT ME! DON'T BE HATIN' ON ME!" rally cry. My enthusiasm for being 50 isn't artificial adrenaline, nor a shield I wield out loud to cover some insecurity underneath.

I'm 50, which means I'm on the front end of a prime time in my life.

In these next years, I'll watch my boys continue to emerge into adulthood. They're already godly men whom I wish I could grow up and become. 

Joshua loves the Lord and decided through a rather challenging year to grab hold of Jesus instead of caving into his weariness. If he was a tree and you could look inside at the rings that have been formed, this year would be a definitive circle of the storms he weathered and the rooted internal joy in Christ he claimed. I've watched him grow into an understanding of himself and his calling to ministry that I can't believe I get to get a front row seat to. He's the real deal. Yet somehow, he's also Peter Pan... and at the same time, Dr Seuss... and maybe Joshua from the Bible, too. Or maybe he's just Joshua. #Epic

Daniel likewise is solid with God, caring about others and has a compass that always points to true north. He does this not just out of morality, but out of trust, faith and surrender. I've likewise seen him be faithful during a tough year of work and as he just recently begin to intern at our church in problem solving and projects. He could be a unique pastor, lawyer, or a financial advisor, or an IT guy, or apologist, or... the list is endless... I'm pretty sure he's going to change the world whatever he goes with.. maybe through one of those roles, or maybe something else. I've watched him go "all in" every day on whatever it is he's doing, and it's breathtaking. He tenderly calls me out so I can boldly live upward. #Wow

Johanna is both a girl of God, and a tween of God, and a woman of God. She serves and gives, then gives and serves. She's exploding with creativity and wants to use it to worship the Lord, be it in art, singing, dance or otherwise. She says yes to many great things, but also knows how to turn other things down. Anytime I ask her for a favor, she's eager to do it. And... please, please, Lord... let her affection for stuffed animals, unicorns and all things people forever remain. I'm in awe of this little lady whose heart and faith are huge, and whose spontanenous house dance party moves rival my own. #Wonder #Full

Katie is still surprising me with her stretchy heart that loves me, and loves me again, and loves me again. She digs deep, confesses her emotions, reaches for Truth, blesses us daily, and finds a space in the church to place her hand and push it forward (whether or not anyone sees it). She radically loves her neighbors. She takes on new challenges. She prays and inspires. And when it's all messy, it's gloriously messy. I'm so, so thankful for her. #Bride

So what do I have to complain out?

Sure, I could make a list. I know I've had many moments where I had to. Right now, I'm choosing not to. And even when I have to again, I hope I will say this...

"This is the dream."

Lord, You're here with me. Wherever you are is Home.

Sure, I'd like some more money today and retirement funding for later. I'd like to have some different body parts or a faster metabolism. It'd be great if I wasn't misunderstood in "that direction" or overlooked in "the other direction." Maybe I could pout if I really want to.

I don't want to.

"This is the dream."

I may not be at the end of the dream, but I'm right in the middle of it. I'll trust that what I can't yet see will come in due time. Meanwhile, I'll take in what I can see and thank the Lord for it - both the aches and the awesome, the problems and the praise, the breakdowns and the breakthroughs.

I'm reminded of Joseph who had dreams from God about how one day something amazing would happen in his life. Then he was rejected by his family, sold into slavery, tempted to sin, falsely accused when he did the right thing, imprisoned and forgotten. Only at the end of his life did the final moment of the dream come true, but he was in the steps and stages of the dream that whole time.

So I will praise the Lord, regardless of the stage of the dream I am... even if it some days feels like a nightmare.

"This is the dream."

Today is my birthday. I will spend it with my loved ones who love me.

Where are you at when you read this?

Take a look around, and take it in. You are also in the middle of what God is creating that has yet to be fully revealed.

Say it with me...

"This is the dream."

Trust me. I'm 50. :)

how I'll be approaching today

I've been asked by several people how I'll approach today. If you don't know why, no worries... my answer is the same - illustrated through these two pictures.

three days in denver

For three days this week I enjoyed hanging out in Denver, Colorado with the good folks at Group Publishing and Simply Youth Ministry. I kept a running log of my adventures through some strategic pictures. Here's a quick glimpse at my trip.

---

DAY ONE

The phrase "LIVE ANIMALS" is never a good thing to see in the overhead bin of your airplane.

Something I don't imagine I will ever do in my life: The airport shoe shine.

Everyone breathes a sigh of relief when you realize your luggage isn't lost.

I was told to bring sunglasses because Denver is bright everywhere. You be the judge... but just so you know, this is a picture of a closet inside a basement, under a mountain.

Apparently this guy used to be in the cast for Spiderman on Broadway.

Simply breathtaking landscape.

I determined not to be the first one to grab a nametag.

Free snacks - I truly enjoyed the yogurt pretzels.

Thom & Joani Shultz - two people who changed the landscape of youth ministry.

Standing behind Shane and Shane as they lead backyard worship.

Another view, behind Andy Brazelton and Jon Acuff. (pic by Tim Schmoyer)

---

DAY TWO

When you wake up and have unlimited access to bacon, it's going to be a fun day.

Morning worship. Good times. Great perspective.

Box lunches? Where are we going?

Our outdoor lunch location... and a prayer walk that Rick Lawrence put together.

Rocky mountain high. Wait... oh... NOW I more clearly understand the career of John Denver.

Seriously, this food was amazing. I can't believe how well they took care of us.

Hanging out at Thom and Joani Shultz's house for some tasty desserts.

---

DAY THREE

The infamous talking moose at Group Publishing.

Yes, we actually were there for a purpose... to breathe in and breathe out whatever God was sifting in us, and fold it into the Simply Youth Ministry Conference in March 2012.

There was no shortage of savory cookies.

This chair proves that creative people walk this earth. Is it a desk? Useful for disciplining kids? An art major's ottoman?

See ya, Group! Thanks for your incredible heart for God and His Church!

Security check, anyone?

Somehow I not only scored the exit row, but I was blessed to have it all to myself. Ask me sometime about the people I sat next to on the flight to Denver (it was like a Seinfeld episode). But for now, I'll end on this high note.

a wallet, a worry and a wow

I lost my wallet a day and a half ago.

Maybe you know the first round of such a loss, including the rounds that follow:

• Round 1: "Hmm... my wallet isn't where I left it. Aw well, it's probably in one of the other two or three places I usually throw it down."
  
  
• Round 2: "That's weird. It's not in any of those places. Well... maybe it's in what I was wearing the other day. Let's see, is that in the washer or hamper... or on the floor next to the bed...?"
  
  
• Round 3: "Okay.... where the heck is my wallet? I guess I need to check the car or van. Maybe I left it in there."
  
  
• Round 4: "HEY CAN SOMEONE LOOK UNDER THE COUCH FOR ME WHILE I LIFT IT UP?"
  
  
• Round 5:
  
  (someone else) "Where was the last place you had it?"
  
  (me, internally) "Brilliant. Why didn't I ask myself that question? The last place I had it is where it would be, Einstein."
  
  (me, out loud) "I have no idea."
  
  
• Round 6: "Hey, boys? Can you help Dad look for his wallet?"
   
• Round 7: "I guess you have to drive us there, because I don't have my wallet."
   
• Round 8: "Hi, I was outside your store the other day renting a movie from the Blockbuster kiosk. Did anyone happen to find a wallet and turn it in yesterday or today?"
  
  
• Round 9: "SERIOUSLY! CAN SOMEONE LOOK AGAIN UNDER THE COUCH WHILE I LIFT IT UP?"
   
• Round 10: (praying) "God, I am so hosed. I'm going to give this two more hours. I'm going to tear apart anything movable in the car and van... rip the sheets off the bed... turn the hamper upside down... because I am out of options and am worrying my head off about identity theft and someone draining our checking, savings, and everything in between. Seriously, God, I don't say 'suck' that often but that would really suck."
  
  (pause, spontaneously recalls a Bible verse... for some reason)
  
  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? - Jesus, in Matthew "something"
  
  (me) "Oh... yeah. So... God... I don't want to worry about this. I mean, I know there are things I will need to do if I can't find my wallet. I also know there are some real issues I may have to deal with identity theft. But, you know what... I don't want to worry and I know you can help me with that. So I'd like to find it, but whether I do or don't I'm going to trust You with this completely, no matter how it turns out. That's that."
   
• Round 11: (five minutes after that prayer, now speaking to self) "Okay... I need to tear out all the stuff in my trunk... and then the backseat... and then..."
  
  (text message sound on my phone goes off)
  
  (to self) "I wonder who that is."
  
  (the text message is from Twitter, updating me about someone mentioning my name in a post. "Whatever," I think. Then I look below it at another text I missed from five minutes earlier - it was Katie texting me to tell me she found my wallet. You know, right about when I was praying.)

By no means am I proposing that when you pray "everything works out like you want it to."

I can say that there have been significant, clear times that I have shifted my perspective to trust in God in incredibly hard situations and this has happened. Maybe I was in a long season of waiting on something to change - or what just seemed like a long season because of the worry - and "nothing changed." It's not like I was asking for bad things... but I was asking God for "something" instead of merely finding my home in Him, "no matter what."

Once I did make that shift, though, there were significant moments were something almost instantaneously changed externally... perhaps because of what had shifted internally.

I don't know how all of this works. I wish this was a formula, but if it was it wouldn't be a relationship.

Wow.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

a one in a million(aire) opportunity - pt 2

After getting my audition/call-back pass and application for "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire," I had three hours to figure out the answers to some intriguing personal questions.

• Quirks, rituals, superstitions... what makes you unique?
• How would winning $1 million change your life?
• What is one thing you do that makes people laugh?
• If you could nominate yourself as "best _____" or "most likely to ______" what would be your vote?
• What do you do for fun?
• You'd never believe it, but I once...
• Why do you want to be on Millionaire?
• How did you hear about the audition?

Of course, these are more than questions... this is their way of figuring out if you're a genius who rubs people the wrong way or if you're a smart person who'd actually be fun to watch on TV.

There was another set of questions as well... these were more movie focused:

• Is there any movie that you're obsessed with? How many times have you seen it?
• How large is your movie collection?  How many movies do you see  a year?
• What are your 3 favorite movie memories and why are they your favorite?
• Do you have any friends, relatives, or pets that are named after a movie character?
• Do you have a home theater?  How much money have you spent to enhance your movie experience?
• Do you own or collect any movie memorabilia? What is the most you have spent on an item?
• Have you ever missed work or an important event to go see a movie?
• What do you love about movies?
• What makes you the perfect contestant for the movie trivia shows?

I knew I'd need to concentrate, so instead of sitting in a corner of the hallway I ended up heading out to a local "Subway" restaurant, grabbing some lunch, and filling out the application there on a hard table.  Sometimes these little things can help a person to think clearly.  It also afforded me the chance to use the internet and phone to brainstorm some good answers to the questions... my wife had some great insights on potential responses.

By this point I had some time to kill, so I walked around the West Side Market in Cleveland.  If you've never been there before, it's an enclosed farmer's market and specialty shop area that includes over 100 different vendors from a variety of ethnic backgrounds.  These are the guys who stop you as you walk by with invitations like, "Come here, my friend.  Taste this fruit - it's the BEST melon you will ever have in your life.  The BEST!"

By the time I made it back to my callback, a number of people were returning as well.  I somehow managed to get to the front of the line, though, as not too many people considered that where we were waiting would become a line as soon as they opened the doors.  This allowed me to get in and out quickly, helping me get home after an already full day.

But the audition itself went great - a gentleman called me over and asked me some questions based on my application.  I could see him reading me - judging my every expression and non-expression.  My new friend Steve who had made it through as well had remarked to me that he was concerned about "being" the "right person" who would get picked - saying, "If they want me to be funny, I can be funny.  If they want me to be smart, I can be smart.  I hate it that I don't know what they want."

I opted to be myself.  I don't think I faked my way through any of the interview, but simply had a great conversation and made that my only goal.  As it ended, the gentleman shook my hand and gave me a warm look back as he said, "The way it works is that everyone gets a postcard in the mail in the next couple of weeks telling you where we're at in our process. I think you did great, by the way."

So... we'll see. :)

One of my favorite parts of the day was that Steve decided to wait for me to touch base.  I'll tell you what - if all I win out of this is a new friendship, that was awesome in itself.

By the way - one of my answers to the questions above - "How would winning $1 million change your life?"

My response, and it's honest:

I'm hoping it would change other people's lives versus just my household. We'd be looking for ways to share it. But we would pay off our house and set up college accounts for our kids. That, and we'd start buying the "deluxe" version of macaroni and cheese instead of the usual normal brand. :)

a one in a million(aire) opportunity - pt 1

Let me begin with a confession... it's always been a dream of mine to be on a game show. On one hand, it disgusts me to realize how much pop culture knowledge I am filled with. On the other hand, maybe some of that knowledge can actually be used for something productive.

On Wednesday morning I took a tangible step in that direction.

The TV show "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" held open auditions in the Cleveland area this past week.  It was a "first come, first serve" audition, which meant there was no guarantee you'd get in without an early spot in line.  I left my house at 4:30am to stand in a line that wouldn't start moving until 6am.

Then again, it was a beautiful morning and I was on the dock.  So who am I to complain?

When it did move, though, they brought us into an outdoor pavilion area and sat everyone down.  Best guess is that there were around 700 people there, from those who seemed focused to others who just enjoyed hamming up every so often to keep the mood light.  They even gave us all bathroom breaks by section... how nice!

Next, we were each handed a magnet that had a number written on the back to designate where we were at in line.  I was "213" - which placed me right in between two guys who I ended up striking a conversational friendship with.  Noah (#212) happened to be an author and itinerant speaker, whereas Steve (#214) was a local broker.

Over time we each shared a bit about our backgrounds, which for Steve included him having auditioned for the show in New York.  He even voluntarily tossed out a few of the questions my way to prepare for, just in case they'd be on the test again.

• Which President is on the right side of Mt Rushmore?
• How do you accurately spell this word: "kwestionair?"
• What movie did George Clooney gain weight for?
• What country is _____ river located in?" (I forgot the name of it already - sorry)

Unfortunately for Steve and I, none of these questions were on the Cleveland test.

What was challenging about the experience was that the show's representatives didn't have a sound system.  So whenever they would try to talk to the large crowd of 700+ people they would be continually interrupted by the masses saying, "WE CAN'T HEAR YOU!"  Of course, I could hear them fine until those other folks said they couldn't... which was odd since they were in front of me.  Nonetheless, that was a struggle a couple of times during the day.

So we were ushered upstairs into a large ballroom where we sat down on chairs that barely gave any elbow room.  Thankfully I was a few chairs down from the end and Steve caught on to move his chair down a bit.  This would eventually help in the test taking, not only from a concentration standpoint but also to keep others from cheating (which it actually would have been easy to do, although I didn't see it happen).

A young woman from the show guided us through our initial steps - we'd be given ten minutes to answer 30 questions on the first test, then a second test would ask us another 30 questions that we'd also only have ten minutes to answer.  Both were standard "Scantron" sheets, and we were all given a "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" pencil and a piece of hard cardboard.

Some of the easy questions of the first test I nailed included:

• What was the profession of Michael Clayton in the 2007 movie?
• Which of these is more money - four rolls of pennies, five rolls of dimes, ten rolls of nickels, etc.
• What is the old time nickname that the New York Times is known for?
• Name the TV show George Costanza's answering machine parodied on Seinfeld.
• On "In Living Color," what was Homey the Clown's catchphrase?

Some of the other questions I didn't nail off the first test included this genre: "Put these birth stones in order, according to which month comes first..."  That's where you burn a lot of time - trying to recall information you once may have known but no longer do.  At least a third of the test was a challenge in this way.

The second test was much easier - it was primarily movie themed and covered every genre from The Maltese Falcon to Jurassic Park.  A few questions were "trick" questions - like "What movie did actor Bill Paxton not die in?" and they gave you four movies where people were known for dying.  I dare say that I only missed one question on that second test.

After all of this, we had to wait around a half hour for the results to come back.  During this time, the ballroom became a chaotic rendition of "America's Got Talent" - only, it was the non-talent version.  I apologize for how that sounds, but people were doing anything to win a t-shirt... and I heard some of the flattest jokes I've heard in a long time.  It gave Steve great sideline comfort in his chances to move forward as he watched it all unfold.

Although... I did score a t-shirt (and later several more) by helping toss them out to the people.

Finally, the big moment came.  They announced who made it out of the large group by name, and when all was said and done around 8% of were called back.  The comments made by many people after this included, "This was the biggest waste of time in my entire life."  Meanwhile, I was feeling pretty good... as was Steve who also was called back as well.

We made our way up to the front, were handed application forms, took pictures with our number and name, and then were told to come back three hours later for our audition.

Three hours later?  Application form?  Audition?

(click here for Part 2)

text it?

On Monday night I received a bunch of random TXT messages from an unknown number... they claimed to be "three sexy teens" who were bored. It caught me off guard, so I told them to go bother someone else.  Only they kept on sending me TXT messages... including one that offered to send me pictures of themselves.

Say what?

I again attempted to shut it down, but kept it light in language so as to not have to deal with further messages (including pictures) that I didn't want.  "No... thanks for the chat. I am passionately in love with my wife of 15 years and this is inappropriate."

The reply back? "Wow. Hahaha she doesn't have to know. ;)"

Are you kidding me?

I got angry and fired back.  "Truth is truth no matter who knows... and if I love her then I love her, end of story.  So be done txting me before I make a formal report.  Have a great night."

And that was that.

Then the next morning I received another message from the same number, stating, "Sorry about last night."

And... so... that was that... again.

Then tonight I got another TXT from the same number.

"Hey!"

I didn't answer.  Five minutes later.

"Babe, talk to me!"

I still didn't respond, but instead called my cell phone carrier and asked them to block the number, which they did.  I asked if they could contact the parents (or whomever pays the bill) to let them know what was going on.  (I did some detective work ahead of time and found out that this number is a part of the same cell phone company I use, not to mention the prefix being attributed to a city within a half hour).

Then I called the police and made a formal report.  The officer I spoke with called the number and left a message, telling them to cease from their activities or else further action would happen.

My point is writing this down?

What if I wasn't me?  I mean, what if I was someone who chose to prey on the naivety of those sending me messages on the other end instead of attempting to let their parents know what was going on?

Or what if I wasn't daily working on my marriage?  What if I let the neutrality of each day work against my relationship with my wife?  Would I be more tempted to say, "Sure... send me the pics."

Only that isn't me.

So maybe there are a couple of applications for you via this little adventure in my life:

• If you have kids, do you check on what they're doing with their cell phone?  I know that you may think you don't have the right to check, but... um... that cell phone that you pay for and give to them?  Yeah, it's yours - you're the one who pays the bills.  So please check on your kids... you don't have to be sneaky, but let them know that from time to time you will randomly check who they've been calling (you can do this online if your teens are sneaky about deleting info).
   
• If you're married and someone were to TXT you like this, how would you respond?  What if it wasn't a teenager but "three sexy grown ups" who wanted to send you pictures?
  
  
• If you're single and such a message were to come your way, how far are you willing to dive into such a rabbit hole... and see how deep it goes?  Would you see this as playful flirting that doesn't mean anything, or would your recognize that you are a real person connecting with another real person... and what is said electronically matters as much as if it was said in person?

Just a few random thoughts, written completely out of an emotional place that I find myself in tonight.  I'm praying that the kids who did this (or perhaps, the grown up posing as kids) wises up before something destructive happens to them or through them

a day in the life of me: guy's night

Earlier today my wife and I got to hear our pre-born baby's heartbeat... not bad for only being ten weeks along.  It was our first doctor's visit for this baby, which brought back many memories of our other two.

Meanwhile, Katie's heading out for the night with my mom to go see something fancy and musical someone gave us tickets for.

My 6-year old Daniel was shouting out the garage door "GOOD NIGHT, MOM! WE LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT! BE STRONG AND BRAVE! I MIGHT GET 'MOM SICK' WHILE YOU'RE GONE! NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU! I'M THROWING YOU A HUG AND A KISS!"

So genuine... so awesome.

And now... it's guys night.

So break out the "Phineas and Ferb" CD, Ramen Noodles for dinner, Super Mario Bros Wii, and "Batman The Brave And The Bold"

a retro thought for the present about our future

I was looking through some of my older, pre-blog journal entries. By that I mean things that I may have blogged about had such a thing existed, but as such it was just me, my computer, and some friends I shared an e-mail group with.

This one comes from early March of 2000. It is on the heels of a major accident I was involved in when I was on a trip from Michigan to Chicago and got slammed into a cement guard rail on the highway after a truck cut me off. It was a life changing experience in many ways, and I found myself trembling for several days afterward.

Well I'm back home today after Chicago and my accident on the highway. I must say - it's been a good learning lesson for me. I started out on Monday morning, asking God to teach me something this weekend... and He did. (You know - God has a funny way of packaging answers to those kinds of prayers.)

Anyway...

When I arrived to my street, I pulled up to about 50 feet away from my house. Just enough for me to drink it in, while at the same time enough distance so that Katie wouldn't know I had gotten back just yet. I felt like God wanted to teach me something there.

So as I sat in my decapitated Jeep, hands on the steering wheel, I was reminded again of the incredible blessing it is to come home.

Home.

What an incredible word. When you think of the word, what images come to your mind?

Home.

After wiping away my tearful eyes, I pulled into the driveway and gave three honks - a sort of "car language" my wife and I share, 3 honks signifying "I---Love---You." She ran out and wrapped her arms around me and we embraced for moments of eternity.

That is, until she said with a smile (over my shoulder), "i...can't...breathe..."

You know, it's an awesome thing to come "home." And God has shown me but a glimpse of the incredible Home we will someday go to. He reminds us through His servant Paul in Philippians 3:20-21 that our citizenship is in heaven. Or in other words, that is our home.

Heaven... our (intended) Home.

In another verse (1 Peter 2:11), Christians are described as "aliens" - or in other words, “we're just visiting.” This world is not our home.

I say it again, this world is not our home.

The things... the people... everything around it and in it will all pass away.

But...

my Home in Heaven will not. And someday my joy will be being welcomed into a new Home with the eternal embrace of Christ, wrapping Himself around me, and that feeling of relentless warmth will consume our every square inch.

Until I finally tell Jesus, with tears in my eyes... and a smile...

"i...can't...breathe..."

I wonder... does it really take a near-death experience for us to have a healthy perspective like that?

Or might you and I be able to engage in that today... minus the crash?

Why does it always take a funeral or a dangerous moment with our own mortality to get us to think about the stuff that really matters in the first place?

Hmm.

a day in the life of me: 09.09.09

In the last nine minutes of 09.09.09, here is a quick list (if I can type it that fast) of nine things I did today:

1. Woke up to my youngest son Daniel who whispered, "Daaaaddy... today's my first day of kindergarten."
2. Hung out with my oldest son Joshua and watched him do third grade work self-sufficiently.
3. Listened to a leadership conference in varying bites throughout the day - took some awesome notes.
4. Started out working on my message for Sunday and ended up writing a bold challenge to my church family... that we would pony up on the important stuff and not play games with each other (which we generally don't, so hopefully it was well received).
5. Celebrated the "first day of kindergarten" at Dairy Queen with the family.
   
6. Worked on getting to know some new people to our church - via phone and email.
7. Went with a buddy from Connection to pick up an item my wife found on Craig's list. It was an iron sharpening iron kind of time.
8. Helped coach Daniel's soccer... I took a faith step forward and invited the head coach out to lunch tomorrow.
   
9. Had a good chat with one of my neighbors about a rock band he's starting and has invited me to be a part of.

What are nine things you did today? (It's okay if you respond to this later)

a day in the life of me: hindsight and foresight

I've done "a day in the life of me" kind of stuff before, but occasionally I'd like to just go through a light-hearted look at my day. I'm borrowing this particular list today from Marko, but here's my take:

• The weekend that was: Had a hard Friday and Saturday, which pushed me behind for Sunday. But Sunday I stepped up and put some stuff out there that God dropped inside of me. Our band did a really cool thing by surrounding the room with guitars all over the place - a very creative concept we'll need to do again and perfect. Then the Super Bowl last night... actually, I slept through it. Watched most of it today, and yeah... someone already spoiled the ending.
  
  
• Where I am at the moment: On my couch, taking a short break from some heavy typing.
  
  
• On my to-do list this week: Connecting with lots of different folks, prep for Sunday's message, tons of writing, and free food at Denny's.
  
  
• Procrastinating about: Cleaning my office area.
  
  
• Book I’m in the midst of: "It" by Craig Groeschel, "Wide Awake" by Erwin McManus, "A Renegade's Guide To God" by David Foster, and... the one I'm writing.
  
  
• Music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: I saw Jason Mraz on Saturday Night Live and truly enjoyed their set. There's something about a group you've never heard of that can hold your interest.
  
  
• Next trip: We have a vacation planned next month... the first one in many years where we go away somewhere involving somewhere other than the mid-west.
  
  
• How I’m feeling about this week: Like a side of ranch dressing in need of some chicken.

a day in the life of me: birthday reflections

It was yet another amazing birthday just hanging with my family and then some good friends who surprised me at the end. I woke up to breakfast in bed, presents from my boys, and then got to go back to sleep. Then we headed out to Mongolian BBQ, window-shopped at a retro toy store, came back and played some Gamecube, and ate a turkey dinner. I got some gifts from my wife and mom in there, too, capped off with a trip to Smoothie King.

Something that I learned on my birthday this year?

It's fun to eat a lunch of a variety of bowl assortments at Mongolian BBQ.

But... when combined with a turkey dinner...

and a trip to Smoothie King...

your stomach may not be your best friend.

tasty conviction

Last night my family and I headed over to one of my favorite places to eat. We don't go there often, so I went in knowing it was a bit of a special treat.
Unexpectedly, I left having learned a powerful lesson in conviction.
A couple of things you should know:

• My wife and I like to read beneath the print of a menu. What I mean is that we often looks for ways to make the most of a dollar by ordering smaller portions, maximizing the kid's menu, and sharing things that can be shared. We enjoy a particular place in town that tells us our boys can eat off of the all-you-can-eat salad bar we've paid for - which really helps calm a hungry kid when he's waiting for those hot chicken nuggets to come out.
  
• I'd been looking forward to a special promotion I was about to take part in all year long. Without divulging the details of the restaurant, I can tell you that they try to fill you up with other stuff to lower your ability to maximize the promotion. So while I looked around at tables of people who were shoving bread into their mouth, I waited for my chance to enjoy the textured bliss that was about to dance with my palate.

The waitress came over in her crisply ironed uniform and did the usual shtick about the alcoholic beverages we could order. That's fine and I suppose, only we're not interested in that sort of beverage (it's fine and all if you do like such drinks and of legal drinking age, but we enjoy ice tea as our household beverage). And so we were waiting to get a word in about the waters we'd hoped to order... while our kids waited as well. About two minutes into the list she was sharing, I politely interrupted, "Um... thanks. We're not wine drinkers."
"Oh," she said. But then she kept talking another fifteen seconds about the options she hadn't yet mentioned, in case we were interested, even though I'd just told her we weren't.
Obviously, she was following a checklist in her head.
I then looked over some of the options on the menu and asked if I could combine two things together... nothing drastic like chicken and steak, but mixing two pasta sauces together. She seemed thrown off by that - and said in all the time she'd been working there no one had ever asked her to do that... but she'd check. Then my wife asked if we could order one kid's drink but have an extra glass for our boys to share it... she said that would be fine.
Only when the drink came, it wasn't as she'd said... and the sauce I'd asked for mixed was divided on the plate - half on one side and half on the other... and then when I asked for something I should have gotten for free (according to the menu), she said I'd have to be charged for it. I politely challenged her to ask a manager, and when she did she admitted she was wrong and had charged someone earlier a few times for it.
Here's the kicker - in that moment she said, "If you can't tell, this is my second day."
Ah... that would have been helpful to know. Her phrase earlier - "in all the time I've been working here, no one has ever ordered that" sort of implied something else. That's fine and all - we all have a first run at a job, but it helps to admit when we're new.
Don't worry - we tipped well and chose to not make a big deal out of some things that could have been a big deal. But I left with the conviction that we must do more than study the menu we're handed. Think about the many times in our faith when we say things out loud with conviction that we don't really have ownership of in our hearts. Sometimes it sounds like we know what we're talking about, but really we're just trying to keep up with the crisply ironed spiritual uniform we've put on.

• For atheists, it's the struggle of admitting that there are some good answers out there to our questions.
• For Christians, it's the struggle of admitting there are some good questions out there to our answers.
• For the agnostics, it's the struggle of admitting that questions can have answers and answers can have questions.

What is going on in your head when it comes to God? Do you find yourself following a checklist to keep up appearances? Or have you gotten to know the Master Chef, the ingredients He works with, what sort of process must something go through to turn out just right, and the testimony of others who have been enjoying His "dishes" since time began?
One will get you through your day with great religion... the other will empower you to taste and see that the Lord is good.
And as you "mmmmmm" out loud, every one around you will lean in.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." (Psalm 34:8)
"[Jesus] said to them, 'I have food to eat that you know nothing about.'" (John 4:32)

a day in the life of me: extra credit

1:43pm - Someone drives at me in the wrong lane - a half second away from a head on collision.

1:48pm - I twist my ankle in the parking lot. The kind that makes cracking noises as it happens. The kind that hurts really, really, really, really bad. Good thing I'm not driving a stick shift today. Oh wait, I am.

1:58pm - I spill food all over the inside of my car.

2:32pm - I post this blog, knowing I still have a loving God, a loving wife, amazing kids, priceless friends, a breathtaking church community I get to be a part of, and a bigger than me purpose to my day.

a day in the life of me: so you had a bad day

It's already been a rough day.

Perhaps yours has been a tad bit better or worse than mine, but I found myself ready to resurrect some old profane and unnecessary words I've often tried to retire from my vocabulary.

And it's only noon.

First I slept through an alarm that kept me from an important 6am meeting. Or I didn't set it right. Either way, this wasn't a trivial thing. It was a critical conversation regarding our new building that we are quickly trying to transition into... the kind of meeting where there are a lot of blueprints and talk about "joists" and "conduits" and "joist conduits." Stuff that I nod my head at and hope my buddy Jon (and our church resource guy) knows about... which he does.

Thankfully, Jon was there.

And so I woke up late, maybe because I was up late. Yesterday I lost a good friend and neighbor to heaven - Judy Auman, whom I've written about before. I'm doing alright, but as a pastor I am a caregiver to many (not to mention my neighborhood and household). Coming back from vacation with 400 emails to sort through (and the aforementioned building deal, and a sermon this Sunday, and... you get the point), this has been challenging.

So I was late today for something else, too. And got lost three times, even with a GPS... even with two GPS systems. So I had to call my wife and ask for directions - several, several times.

Thankfully, Katie was there.

We were talking anyway because we found out this morning that someone charged about $200 on our credit card via iTunes. So I had to stop on the way to my appointment (that I was already late and lost for) to declare this to our bank, who then cut up my debit card. Which means I have no access to money today.

Along the way, someone cut me off in traffic that almost created an accident.

And that was it... I had enough.

I started yelling, which thankfully is considered normal on the highway.

Old words started to swell up on my tongue. The kind that reveal you have lost all use of saying anything intelligent and have to now resort to grunts that have the appearance of power because the make old ladies blush.

I started to speed. I wanted to cut that guy off right back... even though he was doing 80 in a 55. It felt good to hit the accelerator... to realize I was going to reclaim some control to a day that was out of my control.

(Ever notice how so many of our reactions are just that?)

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit was there.

He started to intersect with my chaos through a gentle nudge. It was sort of annoying, actually, because I had a really good plan how I was going to cut the *@&% SUV. (Sorry for making you blush there, mom).

But I knew He was right... especially as He reminded me of the many truths I've been pouring through this summer. Some call them the Ten Commandments, but I like to think of them as the Tender Commandments. Things that remind me to put God first, slow down and build Sabbath into my life that gives me a Bigger Picture perspective than the moment, and to not murder people... even if it's in my mind.

And so my foot lightened up and I just decided I was going to be late. And without money. And with a cell phone battery that is fading. And a GPS battery that is fading.

And yet I'm finding God in the midst of the chaos, even with a wi-fi signal that is about to go awa

a few spoiler free observations from batman

So yeah... I did the crazy fan thing and went to go see BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT tonight. Or should I say this morning? I just got back and I'm not quite sure what day it actually is.

I had this theory - the movie starts at midnight, so I should leave my house around 10pm. I know this time slot means different things in different areas of the country... some regions would require you to be there no more than a half hour early, while others would require a day.

Keep in mind, this isn't to buy tickets. Tickets are bought in advance.

This is so you can get a good seat. The perfect seat. The perfect, perfect seat.

While that's happening, you get to meet interesting people in line. People who may believe that Batman should wear eyeglasses (as pictured here). This is always a risk, because (as I mentioned) you're there a long time and so people start talking.

I suppose I should mention that up until tonight I'd seen no ads or previews for this movie on purpose. In my opinion, most previews (not to mention Happy Meal ads and Wal-Mart toy aisles) ruin the movie experience these days because you can tell the plot before you see the movie. I like my movies (especially epic movies) to be mysterious, and since I usually figure things out in advance from previews this is troublesome.

For instance, when the preview for the Sixth Sense came out some years ago, I leaned over to my wife and said, "Bruce Willis is a ghost, too." I never did see the movie, but I hear I was right. And that's my point - I didn't need to see the movie.

This one, though, I wanted to see. And so when I got there and there was this little guy (not a kid, and not a midget... just a little guy, and the only reason I mention that is because he had a weird sort of Red Bull inspired energy that sort of made me a bit worried, but he was a little guy, so I wasn't that worried).

Anyway, the little guy started talking with me and my neighbor while we waiting for four other guys to join us. "Say, did you hear that Gambit is going to be in the Wolverine movie?"

And I thought, "Dang it! This guy reads sci-fi magazines/web sites and knows stuff. He's going to spoil the movie for me." So I started talking with my neighbor about gasoline, because let's face it... everyone wants to talk about gasoline and how much they can't stand talking about gasoline. Anyway, the little guy interrupted, "I don't mean to interrupt you guys," even though he did, "but I saw one of those new spark cars out on the road this week."

I suppose I should know what a spark car is. Is that one of those new toys you shake back and forth really hard and then release? I don't know... I really don't know. All I knew was that I wasn't talking about Batman and that was good. But I realized the more I talked with this guy the more we might eventually talk about Batman. So I kept talking as though I was following him, even though I wasn't.

"Right," I said. "Spark cars. What kind?"

And he went on a bit about that, and then realized he was in the wrong line because his theater's line was on the other side of the theater.

About this time, my line had formed well.

I later found out that there was only one theater pre-sold before 11pm, but by midnight four theaters were sold out with 1100-1200 people in attendance. All of them wanting to get a good seat. The perfect seat. The perfect, perfect seat.

Maybe that's why the cops showed up.

I went over to one of the cop cars (I believe there were four, and a motorcyle cop, which always makes me think about Erik Estrada or the melty-metal guy from Terminator 2) and spoke with the policeman. He was in tough policeman mode - the kind where they all sort of speak the same. You know what I mean, right? You ask them a question and they sort of put their chin down on a slightly titled angle so that as they speak to you in a very swaggery, monotone voice their eyes sort of look up at you as if to say, "You just try something buddy." Actually, there eyes do that while there sort of looking around you at the same time, like there's a person behind you that they're trying to see while they sort of look at you at the same time.

I don't mean to imply that all cops do this. Only all of the ones I've spoken with. And maybe every one of the rest that I haven't spoken with, too.

But not all of them. Just those.

Anyway, I said to the cop (as he looked back at me with his chin downward and his eyes raised), "Are you guys here all night?"

The cop replied - actually, first he looked behind me at the imaginary little guy (not the one I mentioned earlier, but a different one who wasn't real at all, but the cop kept checking) - and then he replied, "Yeeeeeaaaahhhhhh... not..... really.... just.... just for now...."

By the way, for every dot you see in that sentence, that's how many times he checked for the imaginary little guy behind me (who I still don't think was there, but good grief, maybe he was and I just didn't know it, because by this point he was starting to convince me).

So I said, "You know, there's a good chance that if things go crazy tonight that you'll have to break up a fight involving Batman."

Pause. Wait for it, wait for it.

He smiled. That meant he lifted his head up for a moment and became a human. "Yeah," he said, glancing at his partner, "that would be cool."

So then the doors opened, and we all sort of walked in fast-yet-respectable-yet-sort-of-more-fast-than-respectable, not getting out of line, not running, but eager to erect and imaginary force field so that if anyone tried to pass us they would be met with the fury of nothing.

And then once in the theater, pure chaos to rush for a good seat. The perfect seat. The perfect, perfect seat.

I ran one way, and my buddy Colin ran another, and we got middle-middle-middle. You should know that this means the middle of the room, the middle aisle, and the middle chair of that aisle. I may have one too many middles accounted for, but either way I got a good seat. The perfect seat. The perfect, perfect seat.

Only... my party of 6 was a bit lopsided. This meant that I could hog the perfect, perfect seat or I could ask, "Should we move down one?" The guy on the end said, "Yeah." So we did.

So then I didn't have the perfect, perfect seat any more. I had the seat next to the perfect, perfect seat... that my buddy Rick now sat in.

Which, now I think, is cooler than the perfect, perfect seat. I mean, anyone can sit in the perfect, perfect seat... but then you'll get up and have to leave it to go to the bathroom or get some extra high fructose corn syrup nacho sauce.

But when you're in the seat next to the perfect, perfect seat it means you're trustworthy enough that when your buddy gets up you're asked, "Hey, can you save my seat? My good seat? My perfect seat? My perfect, perfect seat?"

And that's a pretty good feeling.

-------

Anyway, I mentioned in my subject line that I'd have a few spoiler free observations from the movie. Sorry I haven't mentioned any yet.

I'll think of one... let's see...

Oh yeah, seeing a movie spoiler free is like a simple metaphor for virginity. Sure, you can see all the previews and read the script online or watch a pirated version somewhere on YouTube.

Because you "can."

But when you're spoiler free, you get to feel like a kid and all sort of innocent when the experience happens.

And I think that's the way the Creator of the Story intended it to be.

But be careful, because just when you think you're safe they show you the coming attraction for the very movie you're about to see just before the movie. Which they absurdly did tonight, and so I had to run out of the theater quickly with my hands over my ears, saying, "LA LA LA LA LA LA."

But it was all good, because my buddy Rick kept watch on my almost good seat.

My almost perfect seat.

My almost perfect, perfect seat.