i tried to take a day off yesterday... remixed.

I tried to take a day off yesterday.

And I succeeded.

Actually, I should say WE succeeded.

For I was allowed this opportunity by the people around me who love me and get that I must refuel if I hope to be able to take others anywhere important in their lives.  These are the people who responded with loving-yet-tough words when I wrote what I did last week, asking, "How can we help you say 'no' better?" And the same kinds of voices who asked, "You take care of us, but who takes care of you?"

So yesterday I turned off my cell phone.  That meant when I was driving around and thought, "Oh, I should probably call Blaise about an idea for basketball this Sunday" or "There was this thing from Monday night's meeting that I should follow up with Jon about," I simply kept the phone off and kept driving.  And when I was tempted to turn it on to call home about something, I thought, "You know, today... I'll just wait and drive the extra three minutes because I can wait to ask Katie that question when I see her in person."

It's amazing to let your day be more like a crockpot versus the microwave we often make it out to be.  (It even tastes better.)

I also only used the internet for a few random things... like helping my boys out on a video game they got stuck on (some websites are quite detailed in how to crush a 2-dimensional turtle with spikes on it).  There was also an email I had to check for a personal reason, which meant that as I glanced at the other email subjects that wanted my attention for work I had to practice the discipline of "intentional overlooking until later."  And then I did little Bible study to help me replenish my perspective with God... the core of any good Sabbath one might take.

So here's what I (re)learned...

It turns out a person can turn his cell phone off and the world continues to turn... proving that we are not as important as we think we are.  I know that's not what we like to hear, which is why when we are in a face-to-face conversation with someone or sitting in a meeting we are constantly are checking our Facebook page notifications, looking to see if someone send us a TXT or voicemail, or hoping our email inbox is full.

I mean, have you ever had someone you're attempting to have a conversation with keep typing away on their laptop or QWERTY phone pad instead of looking at you?  Or maybe the better question - have you ever been that person? (I'll raise my hand on that).  In one relationship I had in the past I found I couldn't carry on conversation with someone on staff face-to-face - his eyes were always fixed on his laptop whenever we "talked."

And yet the people I did interact with yesterday enjoyed the fullness of my presence with them... proving we are more important than we think we are.  When my youngest son asked, "Can you play with me?" and my answer was a quick "Yes" - not "Sure, let me finish this" or "I can't right now because I'm working," his face and life lit up.  And when my oldest son looked at me after we'd spent time swimming at the local rec center together, he said, "Dad, I really like it when we spend time together with you like this."  I wouldn't trade that comment for a million dollar check.

This morning I was talking with my wife about it all, and she felt the overflow of it as well as she said, "It makes a real difference in my day when you're able to give us all your full attention."  We talked about a few other things along those lines, but that's lovey-dovey husband/wife chat that I don't need to write about here. The point is that now today as I go off to fight the good fight and come alongside of others my family won't resent me doing so... and my tank is full, so I don't think I will resent it all that much either.

Because, again... we are not as important as we think we are, proving we can be unavailable for a day.

But we are more important than we think we are, proving we must be available for a day.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."  (Jesus, Matthew 11:28-30, MSG)

If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good! But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife, cool and collected, accessible, and hospitable. He must know what he's talking about, not be overfond of wine, not pushy but gentle, not thin-skinned, not money-hungry. He must handle his own affairs well, attentive to his own children and having their respect. For if someone is unable to handle his own affairs, how can he take care of God's church? He must not be a new believer, lest the position go to his head and the Devil trip him up. Outsiders must think well of him, or else the Devil will figure out a way to lure him into his trap. (1 Timothy 3:1-7. MSG)

i tried to take a day off yesterday...

I tried to take a day off yesterday.

Keep in mind, it's not that I'm complaining in this post.  Rather, I'm simply attempting to share that yesterday I tried to take a day off yesterday.  And I failed.  So much happened in so many people's lives all at once, and I had the sense I needed to help where I could.

After all, I'm quite grateful for the opportunity I have to work.  Because of that opportunity, I attempt to pour myself out with fierce commitment and gentle handling of the lives I've been entrusted to invest into, so that they in turn can invest themselves into those around them.  And so on.  It is a tremendous, tremendous blessing to do what I do, as hard as it is.

"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men." (Ephesians 6:7)

But for reasons I don't need to go into, I'm finding that while I give my best possible burst throughout the week at various hours all throughout each day, the one day off a week I try to take to recharge - "Sabbath" with my God, myself, my wife, and my kids - is becoming more about that "one thing" that someone needs me to do.  It would be one thing if I only received only one phone call that began with, "I know it's your day off today, but..." - only when I receive 8-10 of those before noon, you can see how it's difficult it can be to move forward into rest.

Part of it is my fault.... I keep my cell phone on in case a friend or family member needs to reach me.  And I don't have a traditional secretary... most people don't think that instead of calling me they could call our church office number to schedule an appointment with me. Instead, the common idea is to call me, or text me, or email me, or Facebook note me directly.  In some ways that is effective because in our culture everyone likes to go directly to the source... after all, don't we all press "0" to get a live person when we call a business and their automatic voicemail menu kicks in? 

But in other ways the idea of calling me directly is ineffective.  For one, it keeps our infrastructure small and assumes "one pastor does it all," thereby preventing us from growing beyond the current church model we're presently in.  The other (and perhaps more obvious) issue is that I have no one to say, "He'll get back to you when he's back in the office."  People expect me to be reachable for an emergency or question not just from 9-5, but the 24 hours of 12-12.

Which creates another problem - I have 1300 + friends and contacts on Facebook.  These are legitimate connections I've made over the years, and I'm quite grateful for them.  But that means I may not catch every person's status updates or cries for help.  Meaning, because you see my status updates regularly doesn't mean that the Facebook filter shows me yours.  So I apologize if I don't catch everything.  You may have to let me know what I missed.

And I know that if you're in crisis about something right now, you want my help on it right now.  The problem is that often others are going through something just as fierce, and I may have to ask you to wait a moment or two.  It's not to say your cry for help isn't important, but that it's not the only one.

Again, I'm not complaining.  I want to serve God by serving you, so by no means take this as an ask to back away from allowing me to be a part of the journey you're on.  So don't start assuming that because I wrote this that I don't want you to reach out for help, guidance, or community as you need it.

What I am asking is that if you're trying to reach me...

• ...on my normal Tuesday off or a regular day in the week...
• ...during standard office hours or odd hours of the day/night...
• ...through the church phone number (330-461-3964) or my own cell phone...
• ...by sending a TXT because you realize it was more efficient than a phone call...
• ...by phone because you realized a TXT conversation would last beyond a quick exchange...
• ...by an email or Facebook note...
• ...when I'm available to the world or when I'm only planning to be available to my family...
  

I'm asking that you allow me the breath I need before I attempt to help you find yours.

I might need to ask you to wait before I respond to you while I'm engrossed in something else important

If I need to make an occasional, rare exception and break my Sabbath day or rest to help offer healing in your life, I will.

"Some of them were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal him on the Sabbath. Jesus said to the man with the shriveled hand, "Stand up in front of everyone."  Then Jesus asked them, "Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?" But they remained silent" (Mark 3:2-4) 

But if I don't need to... if you can truly wait and find a better window for us to connect, that would be an incredible blessing.  I think perhaps to us both... and maybe your family and mine as well.

Thank you for hearing me.

"Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates." (Exodus 20:9-10)

come back

Does anyone out there remember the TV ad "Come Back To Jamaica?"

I ask because a lot of people around me are drifting in a variety of ways.

Don't see the connection? Hang with me...



Think about that infectious jingle, "Come back to Jamaica, make it your own, come back to Jamaica, your new island home." I can still sing it - I hope someone made some good coin off of that because twenty five years later it's still rattling around in my brain... next to the theme from Small Wonder (that crazy show about a robotic kid living in a human home), but that's a whole side topic we won't get into.

And then there are other songs like it. At the local rec center last week I was walking by a kid who must have been about ten years old, and he was singing the song "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys. Again - this is a kid who wasn't even alive when it came out, and yet somehow he's picked up on the easy listening stylings of this tune from the 80's. Must be listening to some of the tunrs mom/dad has been playing around the house.

I think these songs have appeal (especially during the winter months) because we yearn for the chance to "recenter" our lives. Whether things are going great or you're feeling like you're in a losing battle, the idea of going someplace warm and slower paced where everything feels "different" seems appealing. It's why people like going to the movies or tuning into their favorite TV show each week - it gives you access to another world beyond the one you've been living in.

One of the first parts of God's Story in the Bible tells how Adam and Eve, the first people He created, decided to go their own way in sin (Genesis 3). When they realized they had done something wrong, the first thing they did was hide. But God didn’t let them stay hidden. He looked for them and let them know how much He loved them.

While we may not physically hide our head somewhere when we blow it, we might feel like doing this relationally with God and others. And yet those are exactly where we can find that "Sabbath" in our lives - the kind that gives perspective to our lives. And if we can't find it legitimately, we'll look for it in an artificial way.

Maybe this is why they say that the back lot of a strip club is fuller than the front, or why two people having an affair and feel they've taken every precaution of being found out freeze when there's a knock at the door, or how after someone makes it to their car after taking a ream of paper from work they sigh for a moment at the steering wheel before turning the key.

That's the Holy Spirit of God doing His part to remind us and guide us into Truth... and every one of those moments is an opportunity to "come back" to the Lord.

An important part of being a follower of Jesus is knowing deep down that GOD SEES YOU PERFECTLY, even when you and others don’t see you that way. Yes, He will convict us of our sins - from the outright socially unacceptable ones to the hidden attitude issues many Christians can "get away" with. But the amazing news is that He's not out to ground you down to the ground... rather, God is all about letting the real you—the masterpiece He created you to be—come out from hiding.

So I want to invite you to "Come back to Jesus" and "Come back to Church." I wish I had a snazzy little jingle of my own to help you remember that in those moments of sin and doubt, but it would seem like God has a better idea:

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
- Romans 12:2 (New Living Translation)

nywc: inspirations from general session 5

Generally speaking...

This particular morning I missed out on some of the general session due to a meeting I had with my buddy Chris Folmsbee. I really enjoy joining into the things Chris is processing, and believe his perspective has added to the YS seminar line-ups quite well. Hopefully the Sonlife/Youthfront merger continues forward in all the best ways possible.

What I did pick up through the General Session, though, was a lesson on pace.

Inspirations from Mark Yaconelli...

• So apparently it's okay to open with contemplative prayer and close with a disco party. Good to know for future reference.



• The "slow club." I know this tension all too well - trying to hurry up the people and things around you because you know the line that needs to be crossed is urgent... only to find that you miss so much along the way that should be breathed in, appreciated, and celebrated. Yaconelli shared how he came to discover this through his son, Joseph, making him join his self-made "slow club" one day. For me, I thought of my youngest son and the pace he often lives life by... and the odd reason (or lack of reason) I often find myself trying to hurry him up.



• The soul hidden deep within us knows we are deeply meant to know God, and yet we neglect its nudge when we run so fast we can't even see ourselves. The things that God created are arrows, but we must take the time to appreciate such things. But that doesn't mean life must be somber for there is great music all around us, inviting us to dance... and we must never become content to sit on the sidelines with our hands in our pockets.
  
  


• This week I plan to slow down more and enjoy the life around me. I will go back home and let God guide my calendar for the next seven days... I mean, I think He already does, but perhaps I need to slow down to double check. I plan on "visiting" with people more, from the church I serve to the strangers I meet. And I plan on staring at my family in the face more... soaking in who they are... but not enough staring to make them thing I have bug eyes or anything. :)

nywc: inspirations from pillows

I overslept today.

Because I am sleeping on a bed that is a slice of heaven.

And it's all because of these pillows.


Now, I don't know the name of the maid who set these up, but she must be thanked. For her placement of them everyday exactly fits the curve of my neck in the form my body likes to sleep.

So I woke up late today, but that's okay. That's why you can buy the audio.

"...for the Lord grants sleep to those He loves" (Psalms 127:2)

By the way, I am in my own bed, too, which makes it even sweeter.

ten rules for my vacation

Vacation rules I plan to follow this next week:

1. Be fully present with my God, wife, and kids. Fully present.
2. No pants. Only shorts.
3. Anything I choose to read must be to challenge or entertain me personally - not give me ideas for church stuff.
4. Laugh... a lot.
5. Eat ice cream with my wife, who will get to eat flavors she's missed since we've moved from Michigan.
6. Drive a golf cart once a day. Not to golf, but to get me places. Although golfing is allowed if it involves a windmill or a plastic alligator mouth.
7. Say "yes" a lot to my kids when they make reasonable asks.
8. Spend some quality time with God each day.
9. Take over the daily "get the kids going" stuff my wife does most days of the year.
10. No cell phone or computer... I am using their off buttons because they are there for a reason.

Which means no blogging. See you in a week!

the Rest of the week

Did you know that God commands you to chill out?

Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. (Exodus 20:8-11)

For some odd reason, Sabbath is one of the most misunderstood concepts in the church. God originally gave it to a group of former slaves who were used to working 24/7. If they ever fell short in making bricks for their boss Pharaoh, their life was in jeapordy. So essentially they learned that the more work you do, the better your life is.

In comes God, who tells them they are worth more than that - and He literally commands them to set aside a day of the week to begin learning what it means to be loved for who you are instead of what you do/produce. This took everyone back to when God rested on the seventh day, not because He had to, but because He knew the value of community with us, Him, and each other.

Unfortunately, we either make Sabbath something legalistic... or something we think of too loosely.

While it is and was a day, it’s more than a day – in its fullness and purity it’s a mindset of restoration through God. It’s more than just one day a week, but all throughout the week.
And it's more than religion - it's about reconnecting with the most important relationships in your life - Him, your household, those around you, and so on.

I wonder... what day of the week does your cell phone get turned off? When are you simply not available to anyone else so you can reconnect with the most important Relationship and relationships in your life?

So basically this is a full scale rebellion at the idea of “get it done now.” And so it was more than a law to be kept… it was a joy to be experienced.

Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink,or with regard to a religious festival, a New Mooncelebration or a Sabbath day. (Colossians 2:16)

One man considers one day more sacred than another;another man considers every day alike. Each one shouldbe fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards oneday as special, does so to the Lord. (Romans 14:5-6a)

A few things you can work into most family Sabbath days:

1. Start the day with prayer, asking God to show Himself to you through all the things you'll be doing.
2. Work on memorizing a Scripture verse experientially. For instance, do Genesis 1:1 on a walk through the woods. Grab a stick and raise it in the air like a sword as you shout it out.
3. Turn off anything electronic that could separate you from others (i.e. cell phones, house phones, iPods, etc). But crank up the tunes that get you all singing together.
   

Now… some ideas from a list my family has been compiling every week:

• Go the library and read books together… let other kids join you if they want because you're making all the cool voices.
  
• Stay in your pajamas and go to the breakfast at a local restaurant buffet. If people look at you funny, stare their shoes and then say, “Hmm. Interesting.”
  
• Make a CD or fill your mp3 player with fun songs and praise songs you can sing all day long while you drive… and then, sing them all day long while you drive. Mix it up – Disney tunes and worship tunes get along fine (despite Southern Baptist boycotts).
  
• Have a special kid's Bible that you use only on this day… something that helps you talk about the lesson or sing a song.
  
• Play board games together as a family… let the kids win.
  
• Play video games together as a family… let mom win.
  
• Buy a virtual pet (WebKinz, etc) for each of your family members – and then spend the afternoon setting up each other's virtual rooms.
  
• Jump on a trampoline and invent games on the fly that make no sense.
  
• Work on a family history – use it as a way to call extended family as you do for their insights.
  
• Say what you need to say… about anything.
  
• Scrapbook and journal to keep personal and family records.
  
• Write letters or email to family and friends.
  
• Have every member of the family pick some part of lunch – and everyone has to eat it.
  
• Make up stories around the table that involve your family saving the neighborhood using their secret super powers. Then talk about the real mission God has your household a part of to love Him and your neighbors into faith.
  
• Listen to a Christian kids story (i.e. via HIS Kids online radio) toward the end of one of your meals. Then leave the dishes and finish listening to it together.
  
• Do the dishes together.
  
• Teach a younger family member how to cut the lawn.
  
• Play a game of baseball in the front yard, even though you don't have nearly enough players.
  
• Visit extended family – bring them a pizza.
  
• Watch a movie in a room you don't normally watch a movie – maybe a bedroom or living room.
  
• Find the cheapest way to feed everyone at a fast food place.
  
• Join a restaurant's e-mail list and use the free coupons they send you to guide where you eat.
  
• Make omelets, letting each family member pick what they want inside.
  
• Let the person who seldom gets to sleep in have the chance to sleep in.
  
• Make a picnic and have it at the park. Do this until you've visited every park in the area over a course of weeks.
  
• Write an online review of each of the parks in your area.
  
• Go to a place like Goodwill or Volunteers of America – have each family member buy an inexpensive item for another family member.
  
• Go bowling – pay for the kids only (to save money) and help them.
  
• Let whoever plays an instrument in your house, play it… and make up a song to whatever they play.
  
• Look for unique smells all throughout your day. At the end, talk about the most memorable. Tie it in to how God says we're the smell of “Christ” to the world.
  
• Go see a movie at a non-typical time.
  
• Visit the local zoos
  
• Hit the beach.
  
• Visit the local pool or splash pad.
  
• Go for a bike ride that gets progressively bigger (i.e bike to the end of your driveway and back, then the end of your block and back, and then the end of your street and back, and so on). Tie it into how God helps us grow one step at a time.
  
• Coordinate reading a book with watching a movie (i.e. Stuart Little, Willy Wonka, etc). Talk about the way imagination and visuals work together, and let them turn into a chat on how heaven will blow our minds when we take part in it.
  
• Go see a baseball game and cheer on your team – whether they're little league or professionals.
  
• Hit a local school running track – and race each other. Be sure to do crazy stuff, like wheelbarrow races and so on.
  
• Shop for a local food pantry.
  
• Make extra food and share it with a neighbor.
  
• Invite a neighbor you barely know over for an outdoor picnic.
  
• Fly a kite – talk about how God is like the wind… you can't see Him with your eyes, but you can the effects of Him like you do the wind
  
• Watch the sun rise and the sun set – talk about the way God set up the planets in balance.
  
• Recap what you learned from your last round of a church gathering or class, and then come up with an application about it for that day.
  
• Make a video – let the kids write and direct.
  
• Create birthday cards for extended family members in advance.
  
• Tell a story by having each person add only a line at a time.
  
• Look through a telescope while you play an appropriate song - How Great Is Our God, God Of Wonders, etc.
  
• Lie in the grass. Talk about whatever you see in the sky and think of as many things about each that make it unique.
  
• Stare at bugs. Touch bugs. Laugh when you run away from bugs.
  
• Push back from the table, look into each other's eyes, and say nothing with your voices… but communicate what really matters as bet as you can.
  

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness."(2 Timothy 3:16)

Maybe first you can build a baby step of rest into the everyday routine.

• Eat a meal each day with your family or a good friend.
• Or instead of working through your lunch hour, just enjoy the chicken salad sandwich that you bought from the gas station that day… may it be the best chicken salad sandwich ever.
• Or get up ten extra minutes and read something amazing out of the Bible that was written years ago and yet can speak power into your life today.

What we know is that God has commanded us to cease work one day a week. Jesus is our example - He took regular breaks, even though there were certainly moments where He was heaven-bent on getting somewhere. But even though He has purpose, He isn't driven… He's meandering and storytelling, stopping at any old beggar, blind man, soldier, or prostitute to BE.

So much of our lives are squandered in inattentiveness. We're hardly present for most of our own existence.Sabbath allows us to be fully present and fully awake right now, right here. It creates a thankfulness as we see the world and open our eyes to God's beauty and richness.

The more you give thanks, the more you are thankful, and then the more you have cause for thankfulness. It's an upward spiral. Sabbath is to delight in God's salvation and creation.

And it's like tithing - you gain by giving away.

You gain seeing how God throws open the blessings of heaven everyday. But here's the rub: you lose an edge of impatience, thinking the world is about you and you need more time.

who's the boss

Over the weekend I read a buddy's blog post about how hard it must be for a Jewish person to reimagine their faith (should he/she consider becoming a Christian). To many people, this is a spiritual shift - hard enough in itself. A Jewish individual, though, faces a shift on a cultural and familial level as well.

When I was in Israel some years ago, I saw this firsthand in the dramatic ways the whole city shut down on Saturday to honor the Sabbath... from towns of businesses that shut down to how elevators automatically went from floor to floor in buildings (so you wouldn't have to do the "work" of pushing a button). Perhaps "dramatic" is too misleading a word... maybe this is actually normal, but our Western departure from it is what is actually "dramatic." There is something a cultural Jew seems to get that many Christians don't.

On the other hand, there is that whole Messiah matter. Christians recognize that the Messiah figure in the Hebrew Scriptures is Jesus Christ... and many Jews don't.

A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit. (Is 11:1)

“The days are coming,” declares the Lord, “when I will raise up to David a righteous Branch, a King [the Messiah] who will reign wisely and do what is just and right in the land” (Jer 23:5)

Perhaps it would be easy for a Christian who feels he "gets it" to critique a Jew for this, but maybe one should walk in their shoes for a moment.

Imagine that you have tickets to see Bruce Springsteen in concert... live... front row... direct access (which is good in case he wants to pull you up stage during "Dancing In The Dark" and help launch your career as he did Courtney Cox) .

Whether or not you're a Springsteen fan, you're stoked.

And then you get there... the crowd is crazy... and finally the emcee announces, "And now... the moment you've all been waiting for... THE BOSS!!!!"

Only...

instead of Bruce coming out, actor Rick Moranis takes the stage and begins singing, "Born in the USA."

"He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." (Isaiah 53:2)

I wonder sometimes if this is how the Jews feel, while we say, "Well, I know He didn't show up as you thought He would, but... you know... he did do Sprinsteen songs, so technically..."

reviewing sabbath: the divine conspiracy

So one last time let's review the first and middle legs of my Sabbatical through conversations I tried having with God...

"God, is this opposition part of what you want to prepare me for? Is what is ahead so important than you want me to build some muscles for it now?"

"So perhaps if our theology can accept the tension of the known and the unknown, then maybe whatever is ahead in the broken, beautiful, ugly, forgiven, sinful, awesome world might just be possible... with God, that is... what a beautiful mess."

"God, what the heck?" (response: "Tony, what the heck?")

"What's the point?"

"Can atonement be a way of life?"

This is not the conversation I'd expected when I started.

Quite the Divine Conspiracy.

As previously mentioned, I was hoping for a nice, cushy, touchy-feely kind of sugar high with God through this journey. Certainly if I set aside 8 days with God I would find the spiritual meat I was looking for... especially if I'd read books and take notes and draw charts and make graphs and develop outlines and create sermons and eliminate clutter and reach goals... and so on.

Because then I could get "pumped up."

• And then I could come back into the church I serve in all pumped up.
  
• And then I could pump up the people because I was pumped up.
  
• And then we would all be pumped up and go out and pump up the city, and then pump up the region, then pump up the state, then pump up the country, then pump up the world.

Only... God seems to have a different perspective about that:

"Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you'll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty." (Matthew 23:11-12, MSG)

"We know that we all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." (1 Corinthians 8:1b)

So... none of that pumping up happened.

• It didn't happen the first day.



• It didn't happen the second day.



• It didn't happen the third day.



• Nor the fourth.



• Nor the fifth.



• Nor the sixth.

But on the seventh day...

(which is sometimes called a Sabbath...)

I got a serving of crackers.

Full circle.

And I started to realize that even though I consciously don't want a God who can fit into my pocket, I unconsciously wanted Him to fit into my pocket of Sabbath. Perhaps Him pushing back on me during this time was His way of saying, "The road ahead of you just may be full of lots of bumps and bruises and hurdles... will you still follow?"

Perhaps you've tracked the Time Magazine story of Mother Teresa and how she often didn't feel that close to God. Apparently this is a big deal, because her level of service and "humanitarian efforts" (another way for describing a Christian living out their faith) made others think she was a perfection of holiness. To find out, though, that she struggled with not feeling close to God many times in her life shouldn't be all that surprising (especially since of the Bible's own noteworthy people didn't always feel that close to God either).

Can I be one of those people... on my good days... and bad days?

Because God doesn't fit into our pockets.

And He doesn't fit into our Sabbaths.

And He doesn't fit into our quiet times.

And He doesn't fit into our traditions.

And He doesn't fit into our plans.

God doesn't fit into a lot of things because what happens is He spills out of whatever we try to fence Him in with - personal religion, church history, traditional worship, contemporary methods, emergent ideology, ancient-future practices, and so on.

We have to start recognizing that it isn't God's job to fit into our idea of what Christianity is but it's our job to fit into God's idea of what Christianity is (which is basicially dying to ourselves and inviting Him to redemptively live His life through ours).

If we could get our arms around that, we would discover the pathway ahead to true life and stop making up our own rules based on the latest books or the oldest traditions. Those elements may contain slices of God, but in the end He keeps on spilling out past their borders.... so perhaps they should always be a stepping stone and never the destination.

"The Bible is, after all, God’s gift to the world through his Church, not to the scholars. It comes through the life of his people and nourishes that life. Its purpose is practical, not academic. An intelligent, careful, intensive but straightforward reading – that is, one not governed by obscure and faddish theories or by a mindless orthodoxy – is what it requires to direct us into life in God’s kingdom. Any other approach to the Bible, I believe, conflicts with the picture of God that, all agree, emerges from Jesus and his tradition. To what extent this belief of mine is or is not harmfully circular, I leave the philosophically minded reader to ponder.”

- Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy

So the final summary:

• Sabbath is more than setting a time aside but is about setting ourselves aside... and yet it does includes a time we set aside.
  
  
• Sabbath isn't about you getting your needs met, but is about you becoming the kind of person God wants you to be... and yet in the process you do get your needs met.
  
  
• Sabbath involves keeping your soul alive to the enigma of the Divine... and yet in the process He keeps your soul alive.
  
  
• Sabbath involves dialogue with a God who speaks an ambiguous language... and yet He does this so we might discover the point of the dialogue in the first place.
  

Perhaps the application is to create a space inside of us where holy tension is acceptable, no matter what we're going through. God is so beyond our earthly senses we are incapable of rationalizing His full capacity. It doesn't mean we shouldn't try, though, allowing the Bible and the Holy Spirit to be appropriate guides.

The fact that we're even allowed to do this...

well, THAT is the real Divine Conspiracy.

reviewing sabbath: a community called atonement

What's the point?

Isn't this the question we unconsciously/concsciously ask about everything?

• We stare at the stacks of chores around the house.


• "What's the point?" we wonder.


• We consider yet another burst of energy on the treadmill/bicycle/track/etc.
  
• "What's the point?" we ponder.


• We begin a conversation that we know is going to end in awkward frustration.


• "What's the point?" we ask.

This was the question that began surfacing through my Sabbatical, especially during the previously mentioned "What the heck?" prayer to/from God.

Then... in the fullness of time a free book arrived in the mail.

As a bit of background, over the past couple of years I've had the chance to form some amazing friendships in various parts of the publishing world. Along the way I've been asked to do reviews of products before they hit the streets, which is not only fun in itself but is a double gift since I actually get to keep the books. There really are some great writers out there and it's always a blessing to read their stuff.

So just as I was in the midst of wrestling with God, a book arrived by noted scholar/thinker/writer/blogger Scot McKnight called "A Community Called Atonement." While on the surface it might sound like an academic theology book, McKnight writes with a practical edge that made his book "The Jesus Creed" one of my favorites.

Lean into this question with me, posed on the back cover of the book:

Can atonement be a way of life?

Again, I know this sounds like theological braniac kind of stuff, and perhaps in many ways it is. What stood out to me most, though, were the provocative thoughts and questions McKnight launches off with...

Christians believe that God really did atone for sins in Jesus Christ and that God really did redemptively create restored relationships with God, with self, with others, and with the world. Christians believe that all this took place in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ and (the silent part of the Story) in the gift of the Holy Spirit. The atonement, in other words, is the good news of Christianity - it is our gospel. It explains how that gospel works.

The bad news, the anti-gospel as it were, is that the claim Christians make for the atonement is not making enough difference in the real lives of enough Christians to show up in statistics as compelling proof of what the Apostle Paul called the "truth of the gospel." Does this new relationship with God really transform the individual? Does this work of Christ and the Spirit to forgive sins and empower Christians make them forgiving people or morally empowered people? Does the claim of the Gospel extend to what can be observed in the concrete realities of those who claim to be its beneficiaries?

The challenge of the atonement is this: Does atonement work? Are Christians any better than anyone else in their relationship with God, self, others, and the world? Is there not a claim that atonement generates a muli-faceted healing of the person so that Christians ought to love God and love others, so that Christians ought to be differenr? Even a little?

And I'm not talking about individuals, for it's all to easy to find a bad Christian and a good Muslim or Buddhist and say, "Christianity doesn't work but Islam and Buddhism do!" We need to think of the big picture: Are Christians - taken as a whole - more loving people? Are they more forgiving? Are they more just? Are they more peaceful? Are they really better?

These are dangerous questions, are they not?

I've learned that sometime such questions are not so well received.

Just tonight I was talking with my oldest son about our time as a church picnic we'd just come back from. At this event, a couple of kids were giving him a hard time... just standard kid stuff, but his question most intrigued me.

Him: (confused) Why would they tease?

Me: That's a great question... sometimes kids tease because they want to feel better about themselves so they try to give others a hard time.

Him: I know that, Dad. You told me that before. I mean, why would these kids tease? They know about Jesus.

Me: Ah... (pause) that's an even greater question. (longer pause) Sometimes people that know a lot about Jesus don't love others with their words and choices the way He asks them to. That's why it's up to us to ask if we're going to be the kind of people Jesus dreams of.

In his six-year-old way, my son is asking the same question McKnight is asking...

"What's the point?"

Perhaps this even hints at God's "What the heck?" response back to me in my "What the heck?" prayer.

What if the point of "atonement" isn't the mere self-serving salvation we often leash it up to be? What if the point of atonement is not to just be changed but to become change as a person/people of atonement?

In other words, what if what Jesus did/does for us through an historical/eternal act is meant to become a personal/corporate Eucharist of redemption/reconciliation?

• How would that impact how Christians critique talk about others inside and outside the church?



• How would that change how Christians waste spend their time recreationally, socially, intellectually, emotionally, relationally, and so forth?



• How would that alter how Christians overlook view their neighborhoods, jobs, hobbies?



• How would that revolutionize the time we spend debating talking?

The problem is when we believe that we ought to be satisfied rather than God glorified.

Isn't one of the greatest things we can do for someone is to love them like God does so that they can know that God does in fact love them? Many unchurched people only look at the external changes in Christians because they don't know about the internal changes... but when we live out what it is we say we believe we bridge that gap.

When we do, we're a little Christ...

when we don't, we're just wearing a Jesus mask.

Amazingly, as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same.

But... when we critique others we make them seem as though they aren't worthy of God's love (which goes against the real message of the Gospel).

And really, what's the point?

reviewing sabbath: reconnection?

So here I was... somewhere about five or six days into my Sabbatical.

Frustrated.

Angry.

Exhausted.

Short in my spirit.

I'd debated with different people over different topics... some it was related to my mom's stuff, while other discussions were about other kinds of hoopla.

I'd tried to reinvest myself back into my marriage... back into my boys... back into stuff around the house... back into the pile of papers that somehow hides my desk.

I'd done some intentional research on topics we need to address as a church... things that I couldn't seem to get fully around even as hard as I tried.

I'd found that even my amazing neighborhood began to drain me... somehow making another connection didn't sound like fun.

So God and I had a very deep conversation that went like this:

Me: "God... what the heck?"

(Yes, that was it. Trust me, that's more deeply theological than it reads.)

Interestingly enough, I kind of had the sense that there was a reply. I know, I know... to say that God speaks back always sounds like the ravings of a crazy man. After all, we've become quite comfortable with praying one-sided prayers and giving God a "pass" (because our intellect "knows" that He won't respond).

But if you believe me, here's what God "said."

God: "Tony... what the heck?"

I wasn't quite sure what to do with that.

That is, until an intriguing book arrived in the mail.

More in the next post.

reviewing sabbath: a beautiful mess

Yesterday I enjoyed a great lunch with some local pastors... guys from different denominational backgrounds who all follow Jesus Christ. There's something quite beautiful about gathering together around some unspoken essentials in order to breathe some fresh breath into our local effort of revealing Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of God. Sometimes I think this sort of intentional bridge-building is one of the only ways the spiritual soil in our region can stay fertile, which is one reason I'm firmly committed to this relationship.

Well, that and the amazing mushroom, steak, and cheese sub I order from the restaurant we meet in. (Da-rool, da-rool.)

As we spoke, the subject of conflict came up from one of my pastor friends. Without sharing details, it's fair to say that he is in the midst of some with a fellow Christian leader. There was absolute anguish in his spirit over it, especially since from his vantage point he is trying to be kind and loving in his approach... and yet he faces this kind of awkward tension right back at him. I identified with his journey and heartache on this, since I've also experienced this over the years in ways I didn't ask for.

A good guy experiencing some hard stuff.

Which brings me around to a chat my wife and I were having about Lot's wife.

With the coming of dawn, the angels urged Lot, saying, "Hurry! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away when the city is punished." When he hesitated, the men grasped his hand and the hands of his wife and of his two daughters and led them safely out of the city, for the LORD was merciful to them. As soon as they had brought them out, one of them said, "Flee for your lives! Don't look back, and don't stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!"

But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. (Genesis 19:15-17, 26)

My wife and I spoke about this passage together last week, specifically talking about this last verse. There are times where it seems as though God is quite the harsh disciplinarian, while other times He comes across as a peace-love hippie from the 60's. My thinking, though, is that in this passage He is both - just as He is always both. While our eyes may drift toward the pillar of salt ("I mean, come on - a PILLAR OF SALT?"), we miss out on the initial mercy He offered to Lot and his family (who shouldn't have been living where they were living to begin with).

This is where our sense of completely understanding the supernatural tends to starts to erode.

Truth is both poetic and rational, which means that God is like wind - while we can't see it with the naked eye we know it's true and can certainly see the effects of it. Occasionally when it gathers up the dust of the earth we can make out a shape, just as when God blows into the dust of the earth He can reveal His presence to even the blind.

Unfortunately, to hold truth (or anything for that matter) in tension means that we lose control over it. I'm finding that not to many people are comfortable with this, and yet it still remains true. We can only understand the supranatural (yes, that's spelled right) truths of God to some point, and then we either have to admit that it's bigger than explanation or else we have to convince ourselves and everyone around us that "it's actually quite easy to understand, and you should, too."

I like how Rick McKinley (who pastors Imago Dei) puts this in his amazing book "This Beautiful Mess: Practicing The Presence Of The Kingdom Of God":

I love studying theology, but I've noticed that theology has little tolerance for loose ends. As the study of God, it mostly uses human tools like logic and interpretation and systems to define Him and how He works in our lives. Countless brilliant women and men have written penetrating works that help us think more clearly about God. They give us a rich theological heritage, and I encourage you to read them.

But be careful. You can study God expertly in His parts and miss Him entirely in His Being. Sometimes I think today's evangelicals have dissected God, put Him in jars, labeled all His parts, and then breathed a sigh of relief. Whew. Job done, they gasp. Now we have no more confusion about God. Now we have a God we can market. At least now we can be excruciatingly confident that "our team" is right.

As right as body parts in formaldehyde.

I've found that theology, especially the systematic kind, becomes more helpful when you think of it as grammar. Grammar helps us read and write, but it can't on its own give us one memorable sentence. That's because grammar is a tool, not an end in itself. Meaningful communication is the end Communication like, say, poetry. Yes, your grammar helps you understand and experience a poem. But just when you're getting comfortable, a good poet will break a language rule, turn an image inside out, give you slip, send you falling.

And there's nothing you can say in response but, Hmm, good poem. I felt those words.

The rest of the book rocks out a rather refreshing challenge about Christ's message of the Kingdom of God and what that all really means. When most of us think of the "Kingdom of God" we think of pearly gates, golden streets, cast down crowns, and eternal peace. Yet Jesus use language to talk about what the Kingdom of God "is" and not just what it "will be" - which means there is a present and future context to it all.

Which can mess with your theology if you prefer one over the other.

Yet here it is... a beautiful mess of tension. Once you see this in one place you begin to see it everywhere. At the very moment Jesus died on the cross God shouted no and yes at the same time... when Saul/Paul cried out in blindness, it was the first time he would see. Then there's the Incarnation... the Trinity... salvation... being seated in the heavenlies while also being on earth... crazy stuff.

So perhaps if our theology can accept the tension of the known and the unknown, then maybe whatever is ahead in the broken, beautiful, ugly, forgiven, sinful, awesome world might just be possible... with God, that is.

Which is something I've become more in tune with through my Sabbatical.

British Scientist John Haldane has been quoted saying “My own suspicion is that not only is the universe queerer than we suppose, it is queerer than we can suppose.” I love it when British guys use words like "queerer," but really I suspect that he's on to something.

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9b)

So while I'm becoming more attuned to the theological tensions that practically pop their heads into my life like unwanted gophers, I am aware through at least three different conversations last week that whenever you proclaim such things you make other people uncomfortable.

Realizing an insight from your journey with God that involves tension can create division if you share it out loud.

To paraphrase some great advice I was once given...

You will lose friends, constantly disappoint the people around you who don't get it and find that ultimately only a few people can truly be trusted with the authenticity of your journey.

People might say really, really unkind things about you...

and it is the best possible way to live.


What a beautiful mess.

More in the next post.

reviewing sabbath: aw, crackers

It's been said that familiarity breeds contempt.

It's my opinion that familiarity breeds unfamiliarity.

I found this to be true all throughout my Sabbatical... everything that I thought would trigger me into some kind of magical sweet spot with God seemed like old crackers in the pantry - you're looking for something substantial to eat but can't seem to find it, while all along there's this box of Saltines making some sort of statement right at your face.

"Not a chance," you say to it. "I'd rather eat some cheap Ramen Noodles, and that's not even what I'm looking for here."

And so the crackers nod your way as you close the cabinet, as if to say, "That's fine, but you'll be back."

I'm sure I've probably lost you by now.

Let me start over, then.

I'd hoped that these past 8 days would provide me with some sort of special insight into the heart of God, myself, my marriage, my sons, God's Church that I serve in/through, the world at large, and the grand scheme of eternity. Tall order, I know, and I think I've been around the block enough to know that I shouldn't expect all of that to happen... even if I did hope. After all, there is that great promise in the Bible from James 4:8, "Come near to God and He will come near to you."

It's actually a big deal.

I don't know how this is going to sound, but I have over this past year had a kind of blurry glimpse of "something" from God... "something" that is absolutely amazing, and big, and crazy, and out of my control, and... well, God sized.

And God is pretty big.

I say this with all kinds of cautious, holy fear because I don't want to even start to guess what it is that lies ahead. But I do know this... by the absurd grace of the Lord, I'm in an amazing church of people who seem to falling more in love with Jesus Christ and what it means to live out our faith in the everyday. Then there are these two young boys in my house whom I get to walk with and show what godly manhood means one baby step at a time. Doing life with me in all of this is my amazing bride, through whom I've understood more about the love Christ has for His Church.

Then there's God and me... me and God. Somehow ate He got me back in my later days of high school and saved me... and I've never been the same since.

The ground here is very rich, the pay is an undeserved blessing for such a task, and I have found amazing support from the religious community.

So who knows what's ahead?

And if it is indeed God-sized, how might I prepare for that?

Over the years I've had my share of big things through small people that have tried to wear me down. Then there's the regular stuff that comes in and out of life through phone calls, letters, and emails. Even this past week I experienced an unexpected helping of the "little foxes" that attempt to spoil the vineyard.

First I was angry about it, finding that I couldn't quite get on top of it all the first part of this whole week. "C'mon, God," I'd say in my prayers, "You know that I'm doing this for You so what's with all the stale crackers? Where's my meat and potato moment?"

Then I had a great realization... through a chat with my wife, then another with my oldest son, and one with my younger son, too.

I began to ask a different question.

"God," I humbly began, "is this opposition part of what you want to prepare me for? Is what is ahead so important than you want me to build some muscles for it now?"

Now that's a scary question.

More in the next post.

The Israelites ate manna forty years, until they came to a land that was settled; they ate manna until they reached the border of Canaan. (Exodus 16:35)

Selah.