what's the point of prayer - pt 3

After my first and second post in this series on prayer, we come to one of the most honest questions we ask about prayer.

To sum up…

• PART ONE underscores that we can’t control God, be it through prayer or any other means.
• PART TWO revealed that God has a Story, knows all things, and is working toward something.

From one vantage point, prayer is an unburdening of sorts. People sometimes pray at bed time to get things off of their chest and out of their head so they can sleep. Others find it helpful to pray a prayer of thankfulness before facing the negative stuff in life because it helps them put things in perspective.

These are great practices, but the Bible reveals prayer can be something even deeper. Namely, that prayer awakens your relationship with God and activates a trust in the Holy Spirit who resides within a born-again Christian. It's extremely catalytic to your life and faith, especially when it feels like your requests and conversation are in step with God.

However, this is also where it gets sticky. God knows all things, which means He knows all things that could be known - past, present, and future - and he knows them all at the same time. He is never surprised from the big picture, and yet is active in the world we are in just as much as we are.

Understanding this before we move on is key, so let me give you a metaphor. Imagine what it would be like to stick your hand in a fishbowl and wiggle your fingers. To the fish, you exist in its world as something it doesn’t understand… so it reacts accordingly. You, however, see the entire fish bowl so no matter where the fish swims you see it (whether or not you move your hand to stay on top of it)

Unlike this example, God isn’t merely playing around in the “water” we live in. His nature causes Him to add life to our life, and prune out what doesn’t belong (see John 15). He knows the names of all 5.7 billion people who call planet earth home, but not as a trivia fact. He knows the names of everyone who has ever lived here and everyone yet to be born, but not as a history lesson. He knows these things because He cares for us, whether your health is in question or finances seem tighter than ever. He feels the angst of those situations, as well as what happens when your crabby boss gets on your case or how you sometimes worry about things you don’t say out loud.

Listen to the words of Psalm 139:1-4.

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. 

It's a liberating truth for your prayer life, because it means I don’t have to yell or shout to try and make him understand. Sometimes I barely even use words in my prayers, because I know He knows. Repeating myself in a prayer is helpful only for me - He got the message the first time. Actually, he got the message before I ever sent it.

So why pray?

Consider an interview Dan Rather once had with Mother Teresa of Calcutta. Dan asked, "What do you say to God when you pray?"

Teresa answered, "I listen."

Dan, somewhat flustered, countered, "Well, then, what does God say?"

Teresa replied, "He listens." At that point Dan Rather looked totally puzzled, so Teresa added, "If you can't understand that, I can't explain it to you."

God has invited us to bring our needs to Him, but not to seek the answer. Rather, He is most concerned with our relationship with Him and what is happening in us before anything may change in what’s happening to us. We are told to ask, to seek, to knock so the door can be opened (Matthew 7:7-8).

But have you ever asked “The door to what?” 

In Psalm 81:10 the Lord promises, “Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.” You can either focus on what your mouth gets filled with, or you can focus on Who is doing the filling and why He’s doing it.

Here’s another problem with our prayers: We don’t know what we really need. We think we do, but we don’t. Or to be more accurate, we know part of our needs, but not all of them. Our perspective is inevitably limited by our own experience, desires and personal knowledge. There may be a legitimate pain that we want relieved in our life or someone else’s, but we aren’t always correct in assuming that is the way things ought to be.

In contrast, Matthew 6:8 plainly declares, “Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” Yet He desires us to pray so that we can can express our total dependence upon our Heavenly Father.
That’s the big answer, by the way. We pray to merge our sense of the ultimate story with His Story. I pour out my heart before Him not to convince Him of something, but so that I can let Him share His heart with mine and we somehow meet in the middle.

Romans 8:26 says that “We do not know what we ought to pray for.” How true that is. Over the years I’ve begged God for what I thought I wanted, only He held back to give me what I *really* wanted. In one case I got the answer I demanded - it was a dream job that was offered to me. However, I realized and prayed, “God, You’re letting me have this, but I know You are not in it. So I’m going to say no.” In another case it was “God, I want things to work out with this girl,” only they didn’t – and as hard as it was, things shifted in me that prepared me for meeting my amazing wife.

There have been other things God has said “Not now” or “No” to me on that to this day I still don’t understand. This is where prayer again comes back to the relationship, for if I see God as only a genie who runs on my will I won’t trust His answers. Yet if I pray on good days and bad days, I can more authentically come to Him, wrestle with Him and follow Him no matter what the answer is.

Picture a father watching his child trying to put together a puzzle. The kid tries and tries but just can’t get the pieces in the right place. The father watches with great interest, but he doesn’t interfere.

Finally, the child comes over and crawls in his lap and says, “Daddy, would you help me put my puzzle together?” He smiles and bends down and together they begin to pick up each piece. One by one they put the puzzle together.

Why didn’t the father help his daughter earlier? For one thing, there was no ask for help. For another, he wanted his child to learn what it means to try. And most of all, he wanted this to be a two-way thing, and not just him imposing his will on his child.

Is this not a picture of how our Father deals with His children? Although He longs to come to our aid, often He waits until we specifically ask Him. Sometimes He wants us to come to the end of our own pitiful resources before He intervenes. When we cry out in despair, He is honored as we express our complete dependence upon Him (not out of ego, but because that is actually how it is whether we admit it or not). And there are times when He says, “I have to say no to this one, or at least ‘Not yet,’ because I am saying ‘Yes’ to something greater you can’t yet see.”

This is where it gets tricky, because we all know from personal experience that not all our aks of a parent are answered the first time we pray them… and the same can be true of God. Jesus tells a story about a persistent widow who wears down a judge through constant asks, and Christ compares that to how we are to pray. Sometimes we receive immediate answers, but often we must wait days, weeks, months, or even years before the answer comes. This isn’t because God is playing a game with us (although it may seem like it), but because timing matters.

Practically, how long should you pray for something God-honoring? Apparently the answer is pray until God answers your prayers.

But don’t seek the answer… seek God through your questions. 

He may be waiting to release something into your life, but you need to first become someone who can handle the answer appropriately. A human father doesn’t give car keys to a toddler… so make sure you are growing in your faith.

Again, back to the parable of the persistent widow, Jesus says: “And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly.” (Luke 18:7-8).

James 5:16 says “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” In the original language James used a word that means “to boil over.” Fervent prayers get God’s attention because they come from a heart that believes God’s power is unlimited.

Remember, He is God and we are not.

So why pray? Outside of everything that’s already been shared, here’s one more thought… God has commanded us to pray, which means that prayer must be good for us. He doesn't need us to do this to know anything, but by praying we begin to know more... and know Him more.

Prayer sometimes changes things, but it always changes us.  

And that just might be one of the greatest reasons to pray, outside of crawling up onto the lap of our Father and figuring out the puzzle of life together.

what's the point of prayer - pt 2

A few days ago I began answering a question that many of us wonder from time to time. Essentially, what's the point of prayer? Be sure to read PART ONE before taking in this next piece, for it underscores that we can’t control God, be it through prayer or any other means.

So what is the point of prayer then?

Have you ever noticed how when some movies come out everyone seems to get into them right away, only you don't manage to jump on board until much later?

I can think of a handful of flicks where this was the case for me. When Home Alone came out, I was already sick of it before even seeing it. Everyone kept telling me, "You have to see this movie!  This Culkin kid is hilarious!" I even had a friend drag me to see it, promising he'd pay for my ticket because it was just that important.

Of course, I hated the movie. I had seen most of the slapstick scenes in the previews that were endlessly run on television, and all the stories I'd heard about the plot and scenes from friends. Any attempt to make me enjoy this movie was impossible, because I was already shut off to it.

That is, until I had a son.

The movie happened to be on TV in the background while I was working on my laptop, and I saw the young Kevin McAlister really missing his family. I suddenly found myself watching Home Alone differently... not for the comedy, but for the family piece. That dang Culkin kid even made me cry at the end.

With me so far?

It happened again when I moved to Ohio some years back. I had TBS on, and it was playing its usual round of repeats. Without realizing it, I began passively watching Tommy Boy - a Chris Farley/David Spade flick that was met with much laughter when it first came out. I can't remember when I first saw it, but it struck me as "humorous" at the time. Nothing about it grabbed me, but it made me laugh.

Only this time I heard words that never had meaning for me before. Things like "Sandusky," and "Cuyahoga Falls." These were cities in Ohio, and because of my new context I saw the movie much differently. The movie no longer took place in a world I merely heard about as a part of a plot, but I realized that the plot actually involved my world.

Now...

I'm not sure why you pray.

For many, prayer is something we do in order to get something. Its can become a deal-making moment, such as "God, if you do this for me, I'll really shape up. I'll stop being a lazy religious person. I'll even go to church some more." Of course, we usually don't really mean those things... but it sounds good. We wonder if we can fake God out into giving us something, all so that we can withdraw and say, "Ha! You didn't read the fine print. I'm a liar, including when it comes to how important I say my faith is. You should have known that, God."

For others, prayer is an expression of a real relationship you have with God, and is your way of asking Him to do things you think He might want to do. We may pray, "God, please heal this person I love who is sick," or "Lord, I need some money so that I can take care of my family." Those sound like reasonable prayers, and (as I shared in the last post) we may have good reason to do these things. After all, it seemed like in some moments in the Bible God acted on requests like this after His people prayed.

Those moments are true, and yet while they happened we may be misreading those pieces of His Story a bit.

That's just it, by the way... it's His Story. Our stories are scenes in His movie... it's not the other way around. Think about it this way - "Who is the Author, and who is the pen?"

On the surface, that doesn't sound like a fun question because we already know the answer. Simply put, if God exists then He is God... and we aren't. Our agenda for life isn't as important as we think it is, and we need to at some point get honest with that. That either leads to trusting your life to God, or rebelling against the very idea.

But when we do trust the entire direction and every detail of our life to Jesus Christ, we occasionally hear God say something profound.

Like... "Sandusky."

Or... "Cuyahoga Falls."

(Insert your city name here: ________________)

And we begin to realize that what seemed irrelevant to our lives is actually quite relevant. Practically speaking, prayer brings us into this awareness... and this is what all of this means:

• We don't pray to inform God of anything. 
• Psalm 147:4 says, "He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name." Ponder what that means - billions and billions of stars, and He knows the identity and purpose of each one. I barely can remember the name of the last person I shook hands with. 
• Matthew 6:8 says, "Your Father knows what you need before you ask him." What a liberating truth, for nothing you can do or say is a surprise to God. He knows your secret thoughts, your hidden motives, your unspoken dreams, and He knows what you are going to say before you ever open your mouth.

• We pray to let God's Story and our story merge together.
• Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." When we pray, we remember that there is something greater happening than the moment we are in. We may not know what it is, nor how it will turn out... but by turning to God we recognize that He is God. That's something we often forget when we see how much we influence the world by our own efforts... prayer puts things into a much larger perspective.
• Matthew 6:10 says, "your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." As we seek God through a specific burden, we're reminded that the way things are aren't the way they were created to be... and we have the chance to be a part of God revealing the Good News of His Kingdom through our lives.

That is another huge foundational piece, which when combined with the last post brings us to the final question: If God has a Story, and knows all things, and is working toward something, then why does He encourage me to talk to Him about my requests?

That's part 3. I'll write more on this later in the week.

what's the point of prayer - pt 1

I received this great question by a member of our church regarding prayer. I know it's asked by many people, so I'm going to write about this over the next few days. Here's the question:

Tony, would love to talk with you sometime about some things I have been struggling with in my faith. Being a health care professional, I see truly amazing people with heartbreaking diagnosis, and just situations in life that just hurt me. I pray for these people/situations... but sometimes struggle with what I perceive as a lack of response to these prayers. I read in the bible to pray for your concerns and troubles. But what is the point of prayer if it will not change the outcome... for God knows what’s going on, and really don't think he changes his mind just because we ask for it. I'd love to hear your take on this.

This is such an amazing and honest question, and I wish more people would ask it. It’s full of emotions, yet it also wants to understand what the point of prayer is. That’s the real thing we’re trying to figure out when we ask something like this, and the good news is that there is a great answer that can wrap our arms around.

First, though, you’ll need to let go of what prayer has been to you. In this case, you’re describing prayer as the means to get God to do something. I know you know there is more to it than that, but it may be the primary idea you think of when you think of the concept of prayer.

It is that for a lot of people, and seemingly justifiably so. After all, the Bible contains examples where someone prayed to God and suddenly there was a shift in a situation – someone was healed, an oppression was released, or the Lord specifically moved in a way that He hadn’t before the prayer. There are even some Christian circles where it’s taught that whatever you claim “in the name of Jesus” is guaranteed to happen.

Only it doesn’t always work that way. God isn’t a genie, and while we can recognize this we may still treat Him as such in our prayers. We send up our wishes, and He’s “supposed to” grant them. Especially if they’re “good” prayers – like healing someone who is sick.

Independent studies have been done to see if we can gauge if prayer “works” in this way. In one instance, researchers “proved” that prayer doesn’t change anything because situations didn’t change for people who were prayed for any more than they did for others who weren’t prayed for. Another study showed the opposite, though, in that people who were prayed for did have noted improvements and recovery beyond the others.

Depending upon what people believe about God, they are likely to believe only one of those studies and try to discount the other. However, both happened. Which means only one thing.

We can’t control God, be it through prayer or any other means.

So what is the point of prayer then?

That’s part two. I’ll write more on it soon.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." (Isaiah 55:8-11)

kids and electronics

I recently answered a question a parent asked about technology for their kids.

Hi, I need some advice!!

My boys are really hoping for iPods this Christmas. It's really about the only thing they want. We have looked at them a few times at Walmart and asked some questions... what is the youngest age you would give an iPod to? (My boys are 11 and 9.)... what rules or guidelines do you have in your home for listening to the iPod? Has owning one affected your family life in a negative way? We may be the last family to get an MP3 . . . we just have some reservations. We will not be getting them the iPod Touch-- too breakable and too expensive. Any comments or input you have is appreciated!

Any time you give a kid the ability to create their own world that can be unmonitored (i.e. music via headphones, computer in their own room, etc) you run a great risk. You may find that they are completely responsible with it, from not losing it to the content they put on it. To the contrary, though, many kids do struggle with it not breaking or getting lost. And then there is the content issue - if you think about how easy it is for young people to get wrapped up into a song, what if it's a song that goes against the values you're trying to instill in them?

Again - a risk.

If you end up buying them such technology, be sure you can help them use it productively. For instance, iTunes will only allow one of their iPod products to be synced to one computer at a time. If you sync with another, you not only lose the playlist you loaded from the first computer, but if/when you try to sync up with that first computer it will notify you as a pop-up in that program.

No need to fear this technology - like I said, it can be productive if you and your child choose the songs together and be sure that they support the values of your home. Use this as a tool to talk about the value of discernment and how God has gifted us with the ability to "Test everything" and "Hang onto to the good." (1 Thes 5)

Other devices have similar risks. A lot of home and portable video game systems allow you to connect with the internet. If left unsupervised, kids can accidentally or intentionally end up in places they shouldn't.

Again, I would suggest that a computer never be in a place of privacy. You always want any tech you give your kids to include your continuing guidance - more than a pop-in, but active parenting.