lime jello

This is my personal blog.

It's been a while since I blogged here... partly on purpose.

The last time I wrote something was just before my daughter had a seizure in January... then another. She was in the hospital and we were full of questions.

So much of our lives felt touch-and-go for a while. How could I possibly blog here?

Eventually we realized we could move forward... one cautious step at a time. But by that point I wasn't sure what to write of any personal nature.

It was around this time that someone blasted me apart in an email that was mass emailed out to 50 people (and yapped about by more than those 50). Most people saw through it, while others bought into it. Ironically, all I was trying to do was reconcile with the guy.

I was devastated. People I thought were friends suddenly became quite unfriendly. Who I am, my household and church became a "topic" - as if we could be discussed with criticism without feeling any sort of pain or damage.

By the way - a lot of pain and damage did occur.

Again, that came right after my daughter's hospital and medical issues.

As time went on, the person never apologized for it. I had to deal with the wake of it almost every other week as someone new was caught up in its ripples.

Somewhere in there I felt the sting of a financial gap. Our church had been struggling financially, so I took a voluntary pay cut. It meant extra side work was necessary for me to serve my household. In the process of taking on a ton of work all at once, I wrote two books, a lot of curriculum and more. That sounds good on paper, but I ran out of juice, time and more. The stress it caused was felt throughout my family. I thought I'd bottomed out internally.

This was when all of it started to collide together... the question of medical bills, financial strain, being misunderstood by people close to us and more... all of it... it all added up.

Toss in Easter... already a big deal, but we relaunched our church around then. We had a massive building project in the mix, too. Everyone had an opinion about everything. Much of it added up and subtracted me down to a divided spirit that only multiplied.

"Boo hoo... woe is me," I thought.

Then my best guy friend in all the world lost his daughter. She was ten and died almost instantly as they were all serving as missionaries in Africa.

Devastation.

Sometimes it takes perspective to have perspective.

I've spent a lot of time in the midst of all of this trying to figure out what it means to move forward. There's much I won't write here, including how some of the struggles haven't been mine alone to bear. Others I love are likewise working out what all of this means.

I mentioned to my friend that I had a memory from January of walking downstairs in the hospital when my daughter had finally relaxed to try to find something for my wife and I to eat. It was here that I saw it...

lime jello.

Look...

I'm a pastor, and I've visited many hospitals.

In every hospital that I can remember, I have always found lime jello.

You would think that I'd find something red more often than something lime... strawberry... cherry... maybe even raspberry.

Without fail, I always see lime jello.

I shared with my friend how absurd this is - as if there was some research that was done by hospitals and they reasoned that by putting lime jello in their selection that you would think, "I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting red. But lime jello... well... that's different."

Maybe you would then think, "Maybe the unexpected is still possible. Maybe a miracle can happen. Maybe there's more to life than this moment."

Who knows? Maybe it's that strategic and subliminal. Or maybe not. Maybe it's just that lime is cheaper than any other flavor.

Either way, it's there... all the time... lime jello.


You'll notice that I took that picture in January and waited until now to post it.

It's because this past week I found some lime jello in a few different moments I wasn't expecting:

• I found forgiveness for the jerk way I was treated and belittled in the mass email. It still hurts and I have to call it for what it was, but at this point I can love the flawed source behind it. How can I not? After all, isn't this what I ask of God everyday for myself?
• I watched the church I'm in be reborn before my very eyes. God did something amazing and profound that has His fingerprints all over it through the many hands of others. It's something I've been praying for years would happen.
• I had a conversation with someone who rediscovered the cross of Jesus Christ and likewise began a shoeless walk into His holiness and grace again. Again, something I've been seeking God on.

Lime jello.

I'm not sure what the future of this blog looks like, but years ago it gave me sanity to begin it when I was going through junk about junk. Somehow it helped me find my footing, not to mention my voice.

So between here, my leadership blog and a youth ministry blog I've been offered the chance to write for I'm going to be sharing my lime jello with anyone who wants some.

Need a spoon?

a word to my friends

If we're friends, there's a chance you might hear this as it applies to your life. It's not something I copied and pasted - it's written from my heart to yours.

Simply put, be careful. When your life feels like darkness, you may mistake a grey-option for a colorful one. Keep in mind, that option is still very much grey - and while on some level you know this, your eyes have stared into what feels like a black hole long enough that even what is dull seems like Light... especially if you keep telling yourself it is.

You'll tell yourself that grey mush is a yellow smiley face.

So again, be careful. The knight in shining armor may actually be a court jester who will use you for a laugh. The woman who makes you feel good by agreeing with your perspective on life may keep you from hearing what you need to hear most. Your new BFF may set off some TNT when your IQ doesn't sense it coming.

Sure... maybe none of that will happen.

But then again, there's a reason I'm writing this. I know too many people who thought that counsel wasn't for them, yet ended up in a backward situation they never saw coming. So again, if we're friends... I'm not writing this to tell you I told you so. Instead, I'd like to catch you on the front end and help you see from the outside looking in what it may be hard to see with your nose that close to what you think you want. Write me a note if you're interested. I'm obviously not perfect, but I am your friend.

"And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light." (2 Corinthians 11:14)

an open letter to my facebook friends

So after a week off Facebook (on vacation), I've concluded a handful of things. Here is an open letter to my online friends:

1) If we're friends, let's hang out. In real life... not merely electronically. I mean this, whether we live close by or occasionally make it into each other's geography. Let me know if you're interested.

2) If we once were friends and something happened, can we sit down and work it out instead of playing some sort of evasive game with half-smiles? My "door" is always open and my heart is to reconcile - which leaves the ball in your court. Be of courage, and not cowardice on this.

3) If we're not friends and I am merely a number on your growing network so you can network your network into a network of networks, drop me.

4) If you're being a jerk and don't see it or don't care to, I will be that guy who will show you. For the context of this statement, consider that I just cycled through a week's worth of posts to see what I missed on FB. Wow... we should all do this on our own posts - what many of us consider to be fun ribbing or harmless venting comes off as destructive. So whether you're grumbling about people, politics or whatever, if we're friends I will hear you out and likewise encourage you to pay attention to your patterns even if no one else will - please do the same for me.

5) If we have some sort of relationship, I will be inviting you to experience Christmas unlike ever before... be it joining us at Connection Church this month or you finding your own home church. Jesus Christ is more than a baby in a manger... He is your Savior, and if you've settled for spirituality or mere religious traditions, you are missing out. Because I care about you, I will be as authentic as I can in inviting you and challenging you to not miss out.

6) If you made it this far, reread #1.

ten things for ten people who won't listen

Maybe you've seen it on a Facebook - a challenge to write ten things you haven't said to ten people (without mentioning their names).

Only... this is a difficult challenge for me since I tend to already be intentional and real in my relationships.  This means means I've probably already said it, even if not everyone wanted to respond to such conversation.

Some people in your life that you really want to work things out with will pretend like they can't hear you; or when you ask someone to take a step forward in the friendship, they may seem to want to keep it surface level; other times you may try to help someone see a blind spot, but they'd rather not see it at all.

So my hurdle isn't in saying it, but in having the people I say it to actually listen.  As a way to offload some of that frustration bottled up, I'm sharing it here and keeping the names anonymous... no need to turn this into a rant of gossip. But in sharing it I want you to understand a slice of my life that I can't seem to overcome, no matter how productive I attempt to be with others.

And by the way... I'm not giving up, even if the people I'm writing to seem to have for now.  While I can't control their response, I can control my initiative. 

Here is my list::

• "Please... stop hinting. Just say it.  If you need something, say it once in an upfront way instead of 10 times a tenth of the way.  A lot of people around you would respond if you wouldn't dance around your needs or desires but simply and clearly ask."
  
   
• "Seriously, what happened? One day we were friends, and then suddenly you stopped returning my phone calls and emails, and are all aloof like nothing changed. Um... I don't get it.  You do remember we did hang out, and now we surprisingly don't, right? I'm okay if you don't want to hang out anymore, but please - show some maturity and have a conversation about it."
  
  
  
• "You have some great thoughts to share with the world, but the way you're doing it is preventing anyone from giving you any credibility.  And instead of seeing that and changing that, you seem to want to just turn up the volume.  I want to help you with this."
  
   
• "I can't do this alone.  Please don't assume I can.  It's way too important."
  
   
• "I need you to ask me how I'm doing in this area I want to grow in.  Will you do that?"
  
   
• "It breaks my heart that you have settled into a life that looks amazing from the outside but is full of gaps on the inside.  You have such a shield up, and while you may lower it at times you never do move it aside.  And you really are missing out on how much larger life is, but the shine of your stuff and household activity keeps you from paying attention."
  
   
• "I know what's really going on, and I know you'd like me to pretend that I don't.  So we can either play this game or we can admit that something is going on and start talking about what's next."
  
   
• "It's time... time for you to step up... time for you to lead those around you instead of letting them lead you. If you did this, and didn't give up, what would happen out of your life would be nothing short of amazing for everyone.  But in the meantime... it isn't."
  
   
• "You know that forgiveness you want when you hurt people on purpose or on accident?  You need to give that, especially to ______________.  I know you don't want to, because you think it's more productive to hold on to your pain.  But if you don't let that pain go it's going to poison you with bitterness and blindness.  Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting - it means that what happened doesn't have to have the final say.  Don't let your pain define you... let it refine you."
  
   
• "No. You're wrong."
  
  
  

Admittedly, I kind of laughed writing that last one because it's offensive in our world to say that.  We've gotten so used to everyone having an opinion that words like "right" and "wrong" have become discarded or redefined.  We say, "Let's agree to disagree" instead of "Let's agree to figure out what truly is right and wrong and be sure we both respond to that, even if it's uncomfortable."

Anyway... thanks for letting me share.  Like I said earlier, there is nothing subversive about this statements - if I needed to share it with you, you've already heard me say it.  If something resonated here, maybe it was the first time you've "caught" what I meant - or maybe it wasn't intended for you at all but what I wrote to someone else could be used as a tool in your life. 

But I did write it because... well... what if someone hasn't shared with you yet the things on their heart?

And if they did... would you respond or withdraw?

Interact or avoid? 

Grow forward or regress backward?

If we have something to work on together, let's work on it.

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." (Proverbs 27:6)

when a friend hurts and struggles - a few thoughts

Are there people in your life right now whom you are watching struggle?

Maybe they are dealing with consequences of choices that came about through a spiral of chaos they created in rebellion.  Or perhaps it's more innocent - maybe they were are hurting over a situation that has been put upon them.

Sometimes it's hard to tell which is actually the real situation.  Often our friends spin it one way, but there is more responsibility on their hands than they will admit to (or can even realize).
 
I just had a chat with someone about a principle I want to share with you.

When a friend needs a cocoon of hell to grow, be careful that your compassion in the right way does not cut it open in the wrong way... because your desire to spare them the journey that is needed to create the butterfly may actually work against what God is attempting to do in their life.

Our temptation is to want them to feel good about all the great things they've done or are doing, but in doing so we may corrupt the productivity that was happening by them hitting rock bottom.

Keep in mind, I'm not advocating we abandon our friends,  for encouragement is always appropriate...

as long as it occurs in the right way and right timing.

Otherwise, you are asking the caterpillar to act like a butterfly... when you haven't allowed for the hard, uncomfortable, messy, painful, awkward metamorphosis to grow the wings that person we love needs to soar.

Or as my friend put it - sometimes when someone's back is against the wall, we do them a disservice by continuing to move it with what we think is positive help.

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. (Hebtews 11:7-13)

shh... it's a secret - pt 2

Here's an interesting quote from movie producer/director/writer J.J. Abrams:

"Mystery, obviously, is everywhere. Is there a God? Mystery. What about life after death? Mystery. … Stonehenge? Big Foot? Loch Ness? Mystery mystery mystery. … And yet: For all that mystery, why does it feel like the world has been ripped open, all parts exposed? Why does so much seem absolutely and thoroughly demystified? These days we can leap, all of us, from a casual curiosity about anything to a sense of satisfying understanding. Instantly. Want to fold origami? There are more than 200,000 Google results on that subject available to you, now. Need to know the capital of Mauritania? A recipe for sticky buns? How to pick a bicycle lock? … What I'm getting at is hardly news to anyone: We're smack dab in the middle of the Age of Immediacy. True understanding (or skill or effort) has become bothersome—an unnecessary headache that impedes our ability to get on with our lives (and most likely skip to something else)."  [wired.com, 4/21/09]

I like where Abrams goes with that... that in the midst of having to wrestle with the mystery of life's most core issues, we live in an age of instant information.  And yet within that "copy and paste" context - where we don't have to know anything but just know how to find it - we are still inept at pursuing a "true understanding" of something or someone.

It's like we think we know people because we read their last Facebook status update.  Or that we really know what is going on with celebrities because of a sound byte we caught from Access Hollywood.  Or that we "probably" know the layout of a town simply because we have access to a GPS.

Maybe that's why secrets are such an interesting commodity.  It's like they are our own version of control in a world where we simultaneously feel like a genius and doofus.  If someone says something we like about us, we can say that they "know" us... but if they poke in a way that we don't like, we say, "You can't judge me! You don't know me!  Only God knows me!"

Which brings up a few other things to consider when it comes to secrets:

• We weren't originally designed to keep secrets.
  
  The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Genesis 2:25)
  
  You know what I heard drives us crazy about our relationships? When people aren't honest. Somehow we all know that the goal in a relationship is authenticity, and the reason that is hardwired into us is because our Creator originally created us to have a naked relationship with Him and with one another... without any shame.
  
  Can you imagine that? Real connections without any masks. No guessing what someone meant when they said something, or if another person was playing a game with you, or how an antagonist was going to next try to attack us. The reason we yearn for this is because this is how it once was and we know it should be.
  
  But in the meantime, we keep on whispering.
  
  
• When sin entered the picture, we created became hardwired for embarrassment.
  
  When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. (Genesis 3:6-7)
  
  Think about it - when you blow it big time, it's usually followed by a desire to cover it up. It's nothing you want to advertise... and so you either bury it or bury yourself so no one can find out what just happened.
  
  But it did happen. You can hide all you want, but the issue is still in need of being addressed. You can sweet talk all you want, but your charm won't deceive everybody. You can tap dance around it, but it's still there.
  
  It did happen. So you can try to run, and you can try to hide, but you'll never escape that it happened.
  
  
  
• The trash you've bagged up doesn't need to permanently stink up our life.
  
  Sin pays off with death. But God's gift is eternal life given by Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 6:23, CEV)
  
  Here's the thing... because of God's grace, forgiveness and reconciliation can be made possible. But both need to be addressed - not one without the other.
  
  If you only want forgiveness but are unwilling to do the work of regaining integrity and trust with those you offended, there is no sense from them of any real change on your part. It will just happen again... like a cheating spouse who says, "Yeah, I had an affair. You need to forgive me." And then they go out and do it again.
  
  If you only pursue reconciliation, you will be asking people to fix the situation against their will. Once someone who hurt me wanted to quickly resolve the issue... but they hadn't asked for forgiveness and I had a hard time talking about moving on until I had the chance to talk about how I'd been hurt.
  
  Think about it this way - when there is trash in your house, you can ignore that the can is full and hope someone else will take care of it. Or you can simply move it to another room in your house where you don't have to see it or smell it. But the only way you'll ever be rid of that trash is by bagging it and taking it out to the curb where someone else with resources you don't have will pick it up and properly dispose of it.
  
  This is what God does in our lives. As the Holy Spirit, He guides and convicts us of the garbage we've been ignoring. As Jesus, He helps us take it to curb and walk away from it. And as the Father, He uses all the resources in the universe so that trash need not be held against us eternally.
  

There are plenty of reasons to tell the truth... to be genuine and let that which has kept us down not keep us there permanently. When we step forward and are humble enough to be honest, we can not only avoid embarrassing headlines (which there's been plenty of in our world) but can begin to do productive things in this world versus merely preventative ones.  Imagine what you could do with all the energy you waste on keeping something or someone in the dark.

And we wonder why it seems so hard to change the world.

"Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God." (2 Corinthians 4:1-2, MSG)

shh... it's a secret - pt 1

I've been considering why people keep secrets.

You. Me. Others.

By this I don't mean birthday or Christmas gift secrets... the kind where you withhold a surprise from one person until a certain moment when it is revealed. That's a bit different, because the plan was always in place to intentionally share that which was hidden. This is a secret meant to maximize another person's joy.

I'm speaking more specifically of the kind where one person tells another person, "Don't tell anyone else" or "Be sure ______ doesn't find out." In this instance, you are attempting to keep something or someone in the dark and hope it/they stay in the dark.

Secrets.... crazy things. All that energy spent jumping on a nugget to keep it down, and every time it pops up you have to spend that much more energy pushing it back down.

I remember walking in on someone who had something on their computer that they thought I didn't see. But I did see it... even though the person played it off and tried to smile and engage in a conversation to move beyond that questionable moment. So not only did they choose to have a secret, but I now had to make a choice to decide if I would let them keep their secret or share that I saw what I saw. Either way would be awkward... I could either keep the secret and our relationship would be that much more inauthentic. Or... I could confront the issue in an attempt to redemptively love the person forward through that issue.

Which would you normally choose in that situation?

Which makes me wonder - are secrets simply a form of deception? Or do they have any inherent value? For they will either attempt to establish or destroy the boundaries of love and morality we have in a relationship, whatever the motivation for use may be.

On the negative side:

• Sometimes we keep a secret because we're selfish.
• Sometimes we keep a secret to feel special and be sure others don't.
  
• Sometimes we keep a secret out of embarrassment.
• Sometimes we keep a secret so we can avoid reconciliation.
• Sometimes we keep a secret in order to not be bothered.
• Sometimes we keep a secret that another person asked us to because they don't want ____ finding out.
• Sometimes we keep a secret as a defense mechanism to avoid "getting into trouble."
• Sometimes we keep a secret for we fear people getting to know "the real us."
  
• Sometimes we keep a secret since we don't like what it says about us and believe if we don't acknowledge it we can move "forward" with blinders on.
  
• Sometimes we keep a secret only to test a relationship.

On the positive side:

• Sometimes we keep a secret because a thought hasn't fully developed yet.
• Sometimes we keep a secret to avoid gossiping about another.
• Sometimes we keep a secret out of respect for a chain of command or a proper flow of who should know the information and when.
  
• Sometimes we keep a secret so that the innocent masses will not get distracted by the destructive patterns of the individual.
• Sometimes we keep a secret in order to allow a situation or a person to grow into something healthier.
• Sometimes we keep a secret that minimizes the fallout of a destructive issue.
• Sometimes we keep a secret as a way to ensure that the rotten attitude or thoughts inside of us doesn't hurt others.
  
• Sometimes we keep a secret for fear that if we share something it will spoil another person's chance to come forward on it.
• Sometimes we keep a secret since the people we might tell couldn't handle it due to their age or ability to understand the information in context.
  
• Sometimes we keep a secret only because God has asked us to.
  

It's wild, because even when we think the reason is positive keeping secrets often prevents people from dealing with the problem at hand. Secrets lead to increased stress, anxiety, and typically make people think about it more frequently than they normally ought to. I’m not implying it’s therapeutic in every instance to simply and recklessly come forward, but I do find it odd that in our attempt to avoid the chaos on the outside we create chaos on the inside.

So let me conclude "part one" of this post with a question...

What secret are you attempting to keep this week, and for what reason?

Chew on that, and I'll write more on this tomorrow.

What will I say?

Why... that's a secret.

Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. (2 Corinthians 4:2)

speaking of Christians

I had an intriguing lunch this past week with someone in our church. Not only was the food great, but we even got to sit outside on the patio of the restaurant and enjoy the sun. More importantly, though, we chewed on more than good Mexican food - we chewed on things that really matter.

And some of those things included you.

Granted, your name wasn't mentioned, but the concept of "Christians in general" was. Maybe you know what I mean - we do this all the time when we're trying to wrestle with a concept and need to illustrate how a group of people generally interact with it. Maybe something like this has come out of your mouth even today:

• Something positive: "Businesses need to be friendlier. Kind of like how at Chick-Fil-A they're always saying, 'It would be my pleasure' at whatever request you give them. Our company is sort of friendly like that."
  
  
• Something negative: "I'm so tired of people just doing what they do for a paycheck. The other day I was in a store and it seemed like every employee could care less at my questions about where stuff was. It made want to leave. People like that drive me crazy."

Get the picture? We so often like to muse about other people, don't we?

So if you were to take part in a conversation about "Christians in general," what sort of statements do you think you would drift to - the positive or the negative?

Let me give you a couple of topics:

• Bible reading: How would you generalize how the average Christian handles or doesn't handle the Bible?
  
  
• Relationships: Would you say that Christians do a good job at reconciling tensions with others they've had an issue with or are they more quick to avoid having the hard, cleansing conversation?
  
  
• Sharing their faith: What kind of statements might you make about the frequency and quality Christians put into talking about the thing they say they value most - a relationship with Jesus Christ?
  
  
• Church commitment: Would you summarize Christians as being truly committed to their local community of Christians, or would you say they are more consumers about it all - quick to leave if something or someone irritates them?
  
  
• Being real: What is more common in your experience - Christians who feel they need to put on a mask or those who can be the real deal and inspire others with their transparency?
  
  
• Clean slates: Are Christians ready and willing to give clean slates - or are they more willing to remember and look down their nose at others?
  
  
• Theological stretching: Would you say most Christians want to know the bare minimum or are they more interested in adding to their faith knowledge and practice?
  
  
• Open or closed hand: When they talk about following Jesus, would you say most Christians open their hands up to Him in every area of their lives or close their fists on a few things that they just want to keep asking Him for forgiveness on?
  

Maybe there are more categories to consider, but these were a few we touched base on.

Easy, right? We can all give our quick opinions on those topics.

Only that's not why I write this - here's the real conversation.

Before you utter your thoughts and comments about "them," consider what you're adding or subtracting to this generalization of Christians based on the way you live yourself. I mean, that's the real guts of all of this, isn't it?

As my buddy and I chatted, we found ourselves coming back to that anchor over and over - is the real issue what we think about other Christians, or is the real issue why we feel the need to think things about other Christians.

Is it for their security... or for our own?

Because we all like to feel like we're doing it right and everyone else is doing it wrong.

But what if that motive keeps us from ever asking if we're doing it right?

So first, your thoughts on yourself... and then your thoughts on "them."

I think that's how Jesus set it up (and why I think it will be hard to generate many comments on this post that actually follow that format).

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5)

because everyone knows

I can't believe how late it is and I can't sleep. I keep having these dreams... I've been having them all week, and they seem to be the product of some of my worst fears. Last night it was losing my youngest son in a large city and not being able to find him. Tonight it was something that seems incomparable to that, and yet is very important.

Remembering the whole dream is hard, but (tonight/this morning/what time is it?) I remember the last part. For some reason our church was meeting in our old movie theater, even though it was today's era (we now meet in a new building). As best as I can piece together, I'd given the order of service to a couple of our staff guys and left the room to collect my thoughts once service began. That's when things got chaotic... for even in my dreams (apparently) I care about what happens in our services because everyone knows they affect people who are thee to connect with God.

The band was supposed to play a song, and then play some instrumental music while the bandleader prayed. Instead, I heard (from outside the theater) that this wasn't happening - instead, people were spontaneously praying about different things - no microphone, but rather random praying around a room (which included the power talkers who could project and the quiet talkers who said important things, but no one could hear them). As I made my way in, someone was praying that the Republican Party would eventually come back into Presidential power. Even though it was a dream, I was about to lose it... fearing that we'd crossed some line of political ethics that the IRS would feed on and shut us down... because everyone knows you're not supposed to do that.

So I made a hand gesture to one of our staff guys that looked like a keyboard. This was my baseball-esque signal to go back on stage and play some music so I could grab a microphone and steer us back into a God-focused direction vs a GOP one... because everyone knows that a service isn't supposed to be patriotic or in favor of a political party... right?

The only problem was as I was about to do this another person behind the computer started rolling a video on the main screen. There were two... no, three problems with this.

One - it was an unrelated video to anything we were doing. Apparently, it was one of those videos people send in an email and want you to watch, only you're not sure it's a virus so you don't watch them and it sits in your email forever - like that bottle of mystery condiments most refrigerators have in them (you're afraid to use it, but don't want to throw it away because one day you might need it). The video was some odd, YouTube-esque cartoon that mused about nothing in particular, then it ended with some random credits, followed by pure silence while personal pictures of the person who sent the video began being displayed in an automatic slide show of some sort. I kept fearing that a pornographic picture would cap it all off, but thankfully/sadly it was just camera phone style pics of them doing daily life.

The second problem was that the video intended for that moment got washed away in the process of it all. That one brought us deeper into the Scripture we'd be studying that day... somehow I know it did, even though (because it was a dream) I can't tell you what it was. But whenever we use a video in our services it's with intentionality - to either provoke a thought, raise a question, help someone identify with the topic at hand (or vice-versa, help build a bridge into their lives), or make us laugh about something we need to laugh about (laughter is way overrated). We stay away from all the cutesy Christian videos that preach tradition and fear with cheesy solutions that don't practically play out in real life, because everyone knows they have no value... right?

Oh, and the third thing wrong with this moment? Well, I sort of misspoke - the video wasn't being projected onto the movie screen. Rather, it was being projected where the screen should have been. For some reason a large movie screen curtain was sort of covering the whole screen area, and so this lame video was being projected right onto textured, fluffy, foo-foo fabric.

I remember needing to sit down in the dream... to find an aisle somewhere... so I could scream. We were doing an awful thing (I thought and felt and feared), for someone who had come to service that day had to be thinking, "These people are so messed up that they can't even operate A/V equipment properly. Now I have my reason to give up on church and God and heaven and all of that." I'd broken an overly spoken, unspoken rule that my type-AAA church background had tried to drill into my type-B personality - you don't create a bad first impression, because everyone knows people won't come back if you do... right?

Keep in mind, I don't really believe that is always true but I do know that it is important to give your best swing at everything when lives and souls are on the line.

Here's where it gets real interesting, though.

Just at the point in my dream when I'm about to explode in exasperation, I start laughing. Hard... out loud... deliriously. Not because I've lost my mind, but rather the opposite. As I look down at the screen (stadium seating, and all) I see one of our staff guys - our worship leader - jumping up with all of his might to grab high for the string that pulls the curtain open. For some reason, though, the curtain doesn't open to the side or have an automatic mechanism to make it move - instead, it opens up like a window blind might. And so as he jumps up and down trying to pull the cord, this large movie screen curtain keeps going up and down with him... up and down... up and down... while the slide show cavalcade continues, again, in pure silence.

Except for the sound of the curtain going up and down. It even sounds like a cheap window blind, in fact.

The best part was the look on his face. He was actually smiling while he did it, as if somehow in the midst of all of this chaos he realized, "Yeah, we messed this up. But so what? Let's fix it and not worry about what we can't worry about." He got that from me, I think... because I often say that when things go wrong.

Because everyone knows things go wrong a lot when it comes to church life. Whether it's the things that do or don't happen in service that become mental splinters to anyone who cares the phone calls that don't get made when someone is in crisis (leaving them feeling alone), a human community handling Divine things will always fall short of perfection. Watching our worship leader enjoy swinging around one the curtain ropes to try to get them to cooperate was such an amazing symbol of that truth.

As I sank into my stadium seating, fluffy high back theater chair in my dream and watched it all, I felt as if I'd woken up.

And that's when I actually did.

------

This is simply me dumping out my dream over the course of 40 minutes, because I knew there was something in here I needed to pay attention to.

On one hand this can be a parable about what matters and doesn't matter in church world. As I hinted at earlier, I came to Jesus in an environment that valued goals, trackable data, above-the-waterline leadership, and excellence in effort. After all, we're talking about people's eternal destinies and that certainly demands our absolute best. Keep in mind my natural DNA that valued relationships, process, below-the-waterline integrity, and faithfulness in ministry... so I feel I walk around with a decent toolbox that is at God's disposal.

But really, it isn't about church world.

It's about that thought - "because everyone knows." If you've ever thought or said that, you've expected that the people in your life see, understand, and value the things you see, understand, and value just as you do.

Maybe it's how a house is supposed to be cleaned, "because everyone knows" you do a certain way. Or how a meal is to be prepared, "because everyone knows" you cook it at this temperature with these ingredients... and not at that temperature with those ingredients. It might even be how a husband and wife relate to one another intimately, "because everyone knows" what is considered acceptable versus profane in the bedroom.

What is ironic is that when we occasionally do recognize "because everyone knows" that no one knows the same thing, we use it as an excuse to not do the things that we really are supposed to know.

Think about that a moment.

In my dream and in my life, I hope that others see, understand, and value the things I do. I believe that "lost" and "found" people matter to God and that they are finicky people... so if by chance they are willing to let someone into their lives to share insights and challenges from the Lord that those opportunities shouldn't be treated lightly. Such "challengers" or "teachers" or "leaders" or "fellow believers" need to call them when they will receive phone calls from us, study together when they will study with us, empower them when they will be empowered by us, and rebuke them when they will receive rebuking from us (you know, we all need a little rebuking from time to time - even though we hate it when it happens - as long as it's done in pure love).

So when I feel like those things that seem so "obvious" to me aren't as valued in the people around me, I start to pace around in my head and feel my heart develop a chaotic rhythm. "Don't they get it?" I want to scream? Only I don't scream, because everyone knows that if you scream you run the risk of making people angry, and you don't want to get people angry because everyone knows angry people shut down lines of communication and you won't be able to talk with them about the stuff that matters most.

Hopefully by now the application and analogy is clear to you. And if for some reason it isn't, just pay attention to those moments when you also want to scream "Grow up!" and "Don't you people get it!" and "Come on already, stop living so selfishly and see the BIG PICTURE here!" Is it possible that you are holding people to your standards instead of their own?

And if it is a standard they should hold to (or say that they do, but they don't seem to live it out) is it possible for you to be the smiling fool on the curtain strings, helping them glimpse at how there is a better way than just sitting in front of the closed curtain that they've chosen to be silent spectators of?

"With a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last. The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom." (Matthew 15:37-38)

"...whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away." (2 Corinthians 3:16)

Because everyone knows what that means, it's time for me to try to go back to bed.

alternative ministry

Today I was able to do one of most things I'm blessed by each month... hang out with other area pastors over lunch.

Keep in mind, I didn't always look forward to these times in other communities I've pastored in. Often in other meetings like this I felt pressed down and boxed in a bit... perhaps not on purpose by the other guys, but more because I was the young guy in a town of many older ministers. In other situations, it just seemed like it all was a good idea to get together for these meetings because "we were going to work together" - and yet nothing ever really got done. Of course, there were the competitive circles, too, where the top questions would be, "So what are you running these days? How big is your church?"

I struggle with that last type of gathering for a whole lot of reasons. First of all, instead of asking "How big is your church?" we should be asking "What kind of impact is your church having on people in your community?" Secondly, no church belongs to man... it all belongs to God. Granted, I know I'm being picky and I "get" what is often asked by this so I don't make a big deal to the person about it. But I do like how in the Bible we read not about "Paul's church" but about "the church in Antioch" or "the church in Jerusalem" - perhaps like in our ragtag group of imperfect Christ-followers we strive to say "the church that happens to meet in a movie theater on Sundays."

So because of my exposure to those circles of thought, I often go into meetings like the one I went into today eager and excited. I don't know your exposure to "pastor-types," but the guys I happen to hang out with in these times are some of the most sincere Christ-lovers I could ever hope to minister alongside of. I've had some one-on-one's with several of them, but really do enjoy the 90 minutes we get together at a local pizza place (Donato's, anyone?) for a no-agenda gathering of the minds, hearts, souls, and bodies (because that's some good food there... YOWZA!).

I share that because I'm very blessed today to know that God is up to some amazing things here in Medina... and somehow I have the very undeserved blessing of being a part of it all. When I see the same spark for Jesus Christ in these pastors as I sense within our church and myself, I am in awe of the great things ahead of our community. So much so that I'm forcing myself to prepare ahead against the tremendous opposition the Enemy will no doubt throw our way.

Wherever you're at on the globe, how are you doing in that leg of the journey today? If you're in Christ, you're not alone... you are in Connection with the Almighty God who stoops down and breaths into our lives as we allow Him, too. Throw in a congregation of people who are all taking their next step with Him (whatever that may be) and the movement is only getting started.

May that one slice of biblical truth combined with this little lunch experience of mine continue to fan the flame of your heart and those around you toward the Lord today... because lives and eternities will be forever changed simply because we chose to drop to our knees, roll up our sleeves, and sweat for the "least of these."

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" (Jesus, Matthew 25:40)

How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! (Psalm 133:1)

defining the relationship

This is for singles, but have you ever had a relationship with someone of the opposite sex where a "define the relationship" talk (or a "DTR") was needed? This resource may just come in handy.

being mindful of mind games

So it's been over 12 hours since I finished my message and I find myself with this nagging question mark about what I shared.

"Did I share what I was supposed to?"

"How did my presentation help or hinder the truth?"

"Was the overall service truly a healthy time for people to engage with God?"

"Did I give my 100% for the glory of God?"

And so on... you catch the drift. It may partly be because I've had little sleep this weekend and often find it hard to gauge if I was on track with where our people are at. Or it may be something more... a supernatural issue related to the ongoing war a very real satan is attempting to wage against an even more real God.

Here's the tension...

• Because I love God I desire to put out the perfect message every week and hope the final product pleases Him.


• Because God loves me I recognize I will put out an imperfect message every week and He will be pleased simply by my faithfulness.

It's odd what can play with your sense of self when you are in ministry. The average pastor probably has experienced some issue with this, especially when you consider that every message presented every week involves something sacred being shared through a very flawed person. If he/she is a creative personality on top of it you can really have a good recipe for potential disaster - both to that individual as well as anyone he/she leads - if not kept in check. It's odd, but often the way a leader sees himself will create ripples all throughout the entire organization that no one may become aware of until it's too late.

In many ways ministry can really become the very thing that the enemy uses to take you out... and I get the sense he's quite good at it.

Jesus said it this way:

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." (John 10:10)

Here's how I see this breaking down in my life these days...

• The enemy steals, kills, and destroys:
  
  These days I don't find myself directly experiencing any direct attacks from the enemy (that I'm aware of, at least). In fact, what I do find is that if there is any "stealing, killing, and destroying" going on it's in how some people can try to be your buddy by telling how much you're not like the "last guy." From day one I've not allowed this to happen in a conversation without quickly saying, "You should know that he and I are friends." That usually cuts it out, and when it's more than that I'll say, "It sounds like you have some unresolved issues with him... I'm going to challenge you to take those to him."
  
  Sounds good, right? Here's the kill, though... every time I hear those conversations and respond as I just said, there is a little, small, tiny, eensy-weensy part of me that says, "I think this person likes me better than they liked him... that feels nice."
  
  You know where that ends up, right? Pretty soon I'm looking for strokes from the people for my worth instead of God... and once I give them power over my self-esteem through affirmation then it's only a matter of time before I tick someone off and they use that good power to take me out... by stealing, killing, and destroying that sense of God-breathed worth.
  
  Do you see this in your life? Have you given a boss unhealthy power over you by craving his/her encouragement? Do your kids speak into your sense of self-worth when they hug you or when they pull back and tell you they don't want to be around you? How about if you see a certain set of numbers on a piece of paper that seems to be better this week than last week? Is there a voice in your past that you allow to keep visiting your mind in the present?
  
  When their voices matter more than God's we have allowed the enemy of our lives to steal a space in our life, kill any sense of true worth, and incrementally destroy our perception of life and God.
  
  
• Jesus Christ gives life, and even more life than we realize:
  
  A fully-alive life begins when we begin an authentic relationship with the Lord, made possible through the willing death on a cross and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This relationship needs to deepen, though, through daily trust in Him like a child might trust a parent... dying to our own agenda for life in order to experience what we have have yet to learn from our Father. As a result we'll not only experience heaven when our bodies die but will catch glimpses of it in all its authentic beauty as the Kingdom of God is revealed through our lives.
  
  I think this is the aspect of Christianity we often forget to talk about as we settle into a way of life that has the appearance of faith while lacking in its power. The question we need to ask is if we are pursuing spiritual happiness or spiritual fullness - the former depends on Christian habits whereas the latter depends on Christ. It's the classic issue of tradition and religion versus relationship and movement.
  
  One way I've tried to be PROACTIVE about it is to look for and engage in at least one thing the Lord is doing to restore the people and world all around us. It's absolutely absurd from our perspective, but He actually invites us to join Him in all of this. The Bible teaches that loving and serving people of all backgrounds in the name of Jesus isn’t an option for a Christ-follower — it’s the natural consequence of a relationship with him and evidence of our faith. Not only do we take part in the mission of healing a broken world but grow deeper spiritually as we see one life at a time changed forever through our imperfect lives.

Which brings me back to where I started.

My life is imperfect, and I shouldn't expect to always get it right. Sometimes even my best attempt at faithfulness will get smeared because I'm a clumsy oaf handling the most delicate container of truth in a world full of banana peels. While that can seem intimidating, I must press on and keep walking forward... there are people in the world who I would rather see alive through my feeble attempts to join Jesus in ministering to them than dead because I decided to wait until "my sermon" was "just right." Sometimes when you walk you fall... but you fall forward as the Father catches you and helps you back up.

An abundant life may be anything but simple, but it’s the only kind worth living.

The kingdom cannot afford to lose one leader... and that includes you. Yes, YOU - YOU are the light of the world along with me. Don't hide behind your own shortcomings or let the enemy have his way in your mind... make the adjustments and tough calls even if it means disappointing a few.

Do what you need to do to protect the flame of faith in your heart and allow the Lord to fan it hotter than its ever been.

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:14-16)

working at marriage

Because of the love and grace of God, my wife and I celebrated 12 years of marriage yesterday.

That's a dozen months a dozen times, filled with all kinds of love and cherishing in sickness and health, in plenty and in need, through laughter and tears, no matter where we happened to be living (and trust me - we've lived in a lot of places due to wildly following a wild God).

We spent the first part of the day with our boys, doing a whole bunch of family stuff around town. Then later in the early evening we dropped them off at a sitter and split off to spend some time alone on a date. We ended up going to see a movie and eat some dinner afterwards, which may seem like an oddly unoriginal choice for an anniversary. Then again, sitting in a theater without having to get up for potty breaks and eating slowly over a hot meal are a couple of things we can't often do with our boys. So we took advantage of the opportunity to just go old school a bit.

The movie we saw was "Click," an Adam Sandler flick that's been out for a bit. Although some of the humor was a bit crude, the message of the movie was pretty solid about living in the now and being sure that we enjoy and maximize every moment we're given. We were unexpectedly crying by the end of it, giving us a lot to talk about over dinner as we revisited our years together and how crazy life has been.

One profound conclusion we came to was that while we've not had a lot of "stability" and "security" according to worldly standards we've somehow maintained stability and security in Christ and with each other. Again, this is not due to our efforts but tracks back to having our foundation in Jesus from day one - both individually and corporately. Any relationship has stress to it, not to mention one that you are actively a part of each day. It's only through the Lord that anything like this is possible.

And yet... why are divorce rates inside the church the same as those outside the church? Is having a "Christian marriage" more than a label or another spiritual cliche? Are Katie and I "rock solid forever and ever" just because we got married in a church building and she wore white (while ironically I wore black)? Or is there something more than just naming and claiming a shoppig spree of marital bliss?

What follows is some wisdom we somehow stumbled into over the years and have come to believe in and regularly apply. For what it's worth, we're still on the learning curve with all of this and hope to always be.

• Point out how God is at work in the details. It's an obvious advantage to attend a church service together, but is even more important to utilize the everday moments as teachable opportunities. We need to actively help each other see the real world behind the veiled one we happen to currently live in.
  
  
• Eat at least one meal together each day. You may not always be able to control which one, but even if it means getting up early to connect for breakfast it's worth it.
  
  
• If you're going to choose between kids and your marriage, choose your marriage. The best gift you can give your kids is a godly example of what it means to prioritize family. They need your time, but the way they need it most is through a loving overflow out of your marriage.
  
  
• Whenever possible, live simply. It is easy to track tangibles as benchmarks of success, yet ironically these do not last or matter in the long run. What is most critical is to love God, love your neighbor, and love your enemies. Whatever lifestyle you can live to support this must never distract from this purpose, no matter where you fall on the various scales. If you're not sure where you fall, do an objective inventory of your checkbook and calendar... they will tell you what your most important priorities actually are.
  
  
• Make your spouse your #1 accountability partner. I served in a church once that didn't believe this was a good idea and made me find someone else to share my most intimate struggles with. I struggled with this because deep down I believe the best person to confide in is the one whom you've given yourself to in ways unlike anyone else. It's nice when a church has a men's ministry and a women's ministry, but why can't we find ways to help men and women connect via their marriage more? After all, if the two become one then why try to split that up?
  
  Oh, and as a tangent, give your spouse full permission to tell you to close your eyes or turn your head when you may potentially see something in life or on TV that can lead to lustful thoughts. If I hear, "Don't look to your right," I look to my left without asking why.
  
  
• Exercise caution in any relationships you have with the opposite sex. Even if you have to error on looking foolish to the world, it's better to avoid developing friendships with the opposite sex where confiding and/or a lot of alone time takes place. It may seem like a high boundary at times (even to yourself), but in a fallen world where emotional and physical adultery is commonplace there's a lot worth protecting... so protect it.
  
  
• Debunk the myths that wreck the concept of marriage. My wife is not "the old ball in chain" and I resfuse to even joke about it. The other day when a co-worker told her to check out a guy at work and she refused, the gal said "you can look even when you can't touch." Katie said, "I don't buy that, because I only have eyes for my husband." We need to call these myths out for what they are and promote God's alternative instead. There is no reason why you can't be as in love at 12 years as you were on your wedding day... if not more.
  
  
• Share personal things in a personal way. When a handwritten piece of mail arrives, we wait for each other to open it. There are also countless inside jokes that are just "ours" an no one else's (probably because they would be too difficult to explain). Bodies will age and physical attractiveness will change, but special memories from the past and pure joy in the present can offer a future of laughter.

Even as I write these things I know how this all may sound. Katie and I don't have a perfect marriage and often experience a a number of inadvertant emotional bumps and bruises. At times we frustrate each other, but we remain committed to not letting the sun go down on our anger.

And so we do more than try to have a good marriage... we train for it. The aforementioned tidbits are how we exercise our marital muscles in order to be able to have the kind of union the Bible speaks of... or at least get as close to it as possible.

Speaking of which, if any of this spoke to you, cool. But what I'd love to covet most in your comments is prayers... because (like I said to begin with) the only reason we're here is because of God.

And we want to stay that way.

Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands
ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.

No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I
don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband. (Ephesians 5:22-33, MSG)

a humble salute

One of the benefits of being in-between jobs is that I get to listen in to the routine my wife has been doing with my boys since they've been born. While this isn't anything new, I just thought I'd publicly recognize her contribution as a godly mom and Christ-follower.

Many godly men of the past have been richly blessed by what they learned from their mothers. From my own denominational background, the Wesley brothers may never had become the men they did without the love and witness of their mom Susannah Wesley. She spent one hour each day praying for her 17 children (ouch!), and then took each child aside for a full hour every week to discuss spiritual matters. No wonder Charles and John were used as a blessing to so many.

Here are a few of the rules she followed in training her children:

• Subdue self-will in a child and thus work together with God to save his soul.
  
• Teach him to pray as soon as he can speak.
  
• Give him nothing he cries for and only what is good for him if he asks for it politely.
  
• To prevent lying, punish no fault which is freely confessed, but never allow a rebellious, sinful act to go unnoticed.
  
• Commend and reward good behavior.
  
• Strictly observe all promises you have made to your child.

I don't know if my wife has ever looked at this list, but she's keeping every one. Granted, this isn't Scripture, but it's a decent set of cliff notes. Our boys have freewill, and so the ball will always be in their court. I'm just thankful for a wife who is happy to draw the lines and teach them how to dribble.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." (Proverbs 31:30-31)