don't call me Veronica

what you may be missing out on

2009-11-06T16:24:00.001-05:00

Watching the news, I am reminded that pain's biggest deception is that it causes us to think we're the only one's hurting...

even though we're not.

It's odd how the trickle of blood we experience seems to block out our awareness of the massive hemorrhaging of those around us.

I was listening to a CD recently of songs I made during a hard season of life... songs meant to remind me that other lives were on the same journey I was and looking for the Ultimate Anchor. Or as one wordsmith put it:

So hold me Jesus,
'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
won't You be my Prince of Peace?

When was the last time you stopped and asked, "What am I missing out on?"

Normally when we ask a question like that it's because our motive is pleasure. We feel boxed in by our lives and have a sense of rebelliousness, wondering if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. This is where affairs happen, gambling addictions begin, and discontent with everything familiar builds.

But what about the other side of that? What about slowing down and asking how the individuals, people, and groups around you are trying to sort out some of life's hardest challenges?

Have you ever felt yourself becoming broken... but consciously decided to recognize and remember that other people around you were already shattered into pieces?

Have you ever in fear held tight all your resources... without realizing you were depriving others of a needed blessing?

Have you ever considered what the gift of a block on time on your calendar could do if you gave it... instead of became mechanically protective of it?

When was the last time you stopped and asked, "What am I missing out on?"

That's why the Church in its truest form is so important. It reminds us to pick our heads up and stop living in our own little story. More than religion or scratching our own itches, it is intended to bring a change unlike any other into this world if its people would rise up and assume the role of servant-leaders that God has said each of us are capable of being.

My sons and I were reading a book this past week that illustrated in comic form what a kid on his way to a church service might think he's about to experience. It's in the genre of the "Teacher From The Black Lagoon" series, where by the end the boy has realized it actually quite better than he'd prejudged. My oldest son immediately commented, "That's just like how it is in real life. People think church is going to be boring or rough, but once you've experienced the real deal you realize it's way cool!'

(I wrote that down, by the way, because I wanted to remember how he said it so purely)

The Church is meant to be a "real-deal" community of people who care about each other. Even hearing of the struggles others are going through reminds me that we're all taking part in something awesome and amazing that will one Day be reconciled by God Himself. Which is why I am floored to hear about stories like these:

Households who are experiencing challenges on everyday levels, and suddenly other people in our church moving in with love through meals, home care, babysitting, and counsel.
People who are new to understanding the powerful truths of God, and are being mentored and invested into by others who believe helping someone grow in their relationship with the Lord is one of the most important tasks we can take part in.
Skills that normally cost "$x" in the marketplace being gifted into the church for less than that - often free - so that others may experience care and resources they otherwise couldn't afford.
Guys who are - even as I write this - taking turns filling a pool because in just a couple of days someone is going to proclaim their love with God through baptism.

When was the last time you stopped and asked, "What am I missing out on?"

It's so very sad when "church" becomes about "going to a building on Sunday morning when we feel awake enough to do so." That's like saying the point of sitting down to a hot, juicy New York Strip steak is to appreciate the plate! Check out what Hebrews 10:24-25 says about how it all works:

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Are you up for that? Living in a bigger Story?

And not giving up on gathering with others (as some are in the habit of doing) in order to remember the Plot is communal and not individual?

And doing it all so that we might encourage one another as the Day is approaching?

Because that sounds freaking awesome.

We all have this need to "know and be known," as if it's hardwired into our souls. It's planted there so that we would yearn for our Creator and long to know Him, but also so we would choose to pursue relationships with those around us and stop living in our own subplot.

We all want our lives to matter... but to do so requires that we let the lives around us matter more than we often allow them to.

When was the last time you stopped and asked, "What am I missing out on?"

nywc: general session w/margeret feinberg

2009-11-02T11:44:00.000-05:00

The last day of the convention means a lot of things to a lot of people. For some it's unbridled joy... they can't wait to go home and share all of the things God has put into them that simply must come out. For others, they have to deal with the mental and physical fatigue the past few days have instilled as they go back to many to-do lists waiting for them. Others may take this to the next level - actually dread leaving the uniquely safe and encouraging envvironment of a YS convention.

As one person whom I met over Mark Matlock's speaker breakfast put it, "I come here to remind myself why I'm not quitting."

The opening of the general session today illustrated the importance of this anchor of being in a community "who get me." An attendee was interviewed and shared the heartbreak of their church recently losing their main youth worker to a tragic illness. You have a sense as such a story is shared that no one really knows how to respond to that, and yet you also know that everyone is responding... even if only my empathy. "We get it," we convey.

Maybe that's why the video Lanny Donohoe showed cracked everyone up, or why the Skit Guys yet again found a way to help us find the natural humor in the Scriptures we hold so sacred. Or how the worship band is a group of "somebodies" who have chosen to be "nobodies" so that the spotlight is on Jesus as they sing, "Everlasting God," "Jesus Messiah," "Mighty To Save," and "It's All Because Of Jesus."

This is when Margeret Feinberg began to share about a Shepherd who "gets us":

She shared about her experience in Alaska and what God began to do in her heart.

She felt led to looking up concepts of "sheep" and "shepherd."

We see the original conflict of Cain and Abel that it was over livestock versus the field. Moses' story has the sheep component, too - all the way up to Jesus where Shepherds were invited to the birth of God, the Lamb of God. And toward the end of Revelation

With hundreds and hundreds of references to sheep and shepherds in the Bible, I thought maybe I should spend more time with both.

Gwen showed me the landscape and started to whisper because "the very first sound of my voice, they will all come running." And the very first words, "Sheep, sheep, sheep," they all came running.

John 10:1-5

Just as Gwen knew the unique characteristics of her flock, so does God know us and describe us this way (Psalm 139) Not only do the sheep hear the Shepherds voice, but the Shepherd hears their voices.

Exodus 3/Numbers 13 - the spies don't come back with any milk or honey, but grapes and produce.

I asked a beekeeper why this is... she talked about how of the 50,000-70,000 bees there is a queen bee whose job it is to make babies all day long, every day. Then there is are bees who bring water to the hive, and others who use it to cool it. And then the guard bees who protect the hive, and the mortuary bees who remove the dead bees from the hive. The organizational structure of the beehive causes awe and wonder.

When every one of us fulfills the role God has for us, sweetness can happen in this world.

For any hive to overflow with honey, it requires everything to be working in its proper order. Every single bee fulfilling its proper role; the ecology of the land allows for it to happen; the proper order and timing of God's hand has provided.

If we look at the people God has entrusted to invest into and lay our lives down for His sake, we understand what happens when even one person does not.

John 15: I am the true vine...

I hear these ideas of pruning, and I fear God will come at me with a machete - and whack away at me - and trim me down to a stump.

I learned that it is actually a small set of clippers that are used to finally prune the vine down so it can receive the right amount of sun and shade, nutrition and water, so it can give off the flavor it is intended to give.

We fill find that there will be days as we pour out into kids, that God is the Good Shepherd and nothing has escaped His notice; that we are to not get distracted from our task to bring forth sweetness in this world; that He is pruning us for eternal purposes and we must simply abide in Him.

One last thought...

I write this as a volunteer... someone who has been both back stage and in the crowd. I've seen the hands of people raised in worship and others who have collapsed into a thankful silence from all they have received; I've watched the camaraderie backstage among speakers and stage hands, and see lead worshippers come off the stage giddy that they got to praise God.

So in that context, I hope I believe I speak on behalf of everyone to tell God, YS, and Zondervan, "Thank you for choosing to 'get us' - because by being your sheep these NYWC days we can actually become the shepherds in the lives we go back to."

nywc: general session w/many voices

2009-11-01T23:07:00.002-05:00

The Sunday night session opened with a great rendition of the hymn "I'll Fly Away," and then... a group of guys blitzed the stage and started throwing out Frisbees. Did anyone catch the irony in that? :)

After some updates from YS on convention opportunities in the future, the Skit Guys came out and shared their usual brand of humor. This round it was a parody of Adam and Eve, involving a bad wig and hilarious lady-isms via Tommy's satire of humanity's first woman. What's amazing is how as a team they not only get the audience laughing, but they get people laughing so hard that they ends up laughing at themselves laughing.

The "message" tonight was innovative - a dramatic monologue written by Lanny Donohoe that encompassed many true stories he's encountered over the years, acted out by Lisa Arrindell Anderson. Her "African accent" was so spot on that it was easy to get lost in her story as if she was a true missionary.

Lisa's character spoke as a teacher who was being interviewed by a student for a sociological experiment. As she shared about her life growing up in an African village, she illustrated how a Compassion International sponsorship affected not only her family, but her entire village. Eventually she placed her faith in Jesus, especially after witnessing the care that her sick mother received from the church.

The dramatization was underscored with real life pictures of Compassion kids. Given the tremendous partnership YS has with global ministry, the photos really glued the drama together and brought it home for the audience. It is a powerful thing to realize that someone in one country can impact someone in another country in ways they may never realize this side of heaven.

As the punchline of this interconnected story hung in the air, we were ushered into a time of worship through interconnected music that again was shared by all the leaders on stage. A chorus of Amazing Grace... a verse of Come Thou Fount... the ending of Shout to the Lord... the start of Forever... bursts of Blessed Be Your Name, Majesty, and How Great Is Our God.

And I have to wonder - does YS plan this kind of thematic baton passing, from one speaker, artist, and element to another? Or is God so involved with what is happening that not until a session is over does everyone realize how much He has blessed what's happened?

With hearts tender to God, another rapid fire of interconnected speakers came up.

Duffy Robbins: Sharing a humorous and highly relatable story of a kid who stole a toilet for... unique reasons... he revealed it was a story about himself and his youth pastor who came alongside of him. "He loved me, believed in me, and trusted me, and that's why I'm here."

Candi Pearson: This lead worshipper offered a heartbreaking account of her brother getting sick and the intense journey her family went on to understand God in all of it. It was the community that gathered around them that spoke to her in ways she didn't expect. "Sometimes we need tangible arms and audible words - flesh - Jesus with skin on... when you're sitting in a hospital by yourself in your aloneness." The people of God helped His presence become tangible in many ways - from an apartment complex near the hospital offered for free to the furniture and food cards that were offered, the Church helped create normalcy in the midst of chaos. "September 9th, 2005, my brother stepped into eternity - but we could have not felt more cared for and encouraged and hopeful because of people like you who let us know they were following our story and praying for us... When God is not doing when we thought He should, people living this kind of stuff out reveals the Glory of God."

Shaun King: "I remember when a girl named Shawna came up to me and asked if I was 'mixed'... I had no idea what that was." Growing up in Kentucky, Shaun began to realize the challenge of people wanting him to decide if he was black OR white. In high school he was bullied on a regular basis, and then one day was beat up by an angry mob of his peers. It took three surgeries to repair his physical brokenness, but he was broken inside, too. "I didn't grow up in the church - I was the kid all the other kids invited to VBS - it didn't work. I drank the Kool-Aid but didn't want Jesus... I was suicidal... Then -my best friends' dad came to visit me and didn't really do anything that was overtly religious... I remember how much it meant to me. And the second time he came back he prayed with me and it meant the world for me, and I made it up in my mind that when I recovered I would go wherever he was at." Soon Shaun had given his life to Jesus and began to minister in His Name at even a young age... all because of that investment.

Lisa Arrindell Anderson: "I always knew I wanted to be a performer." Her parent's divorce at age 9 hit her hard... "All I wanted was for my mom to stop crying." In junior high a teacher invited her to audition for his drama club, and even though she felt she did a horrible job she was invited into it. "One day this man turned to me and said, 'You have to take yourself seriously.' And he challenged me to audition for the college of performing arts." This spoke to her spiritually, too. "I knew about Jesus and believed in Him, but didn't know Him. But I believe he put that teacher into my lfie to look me square in the eye." When she finally got to Broadway at age 29, she invited her teacher and personally thanked him for his investment. "I'm here because a teacher saw a gift inside of me and didn't stand in my but cut a path for me to walk down."

Doug Fields: Doug spoke about his history as a youth worker of almost 30 years and how his favorite age group to work with - freshman guys - reminds him of his own journey into the church. "As a 14 year old I wanted to be liked, and I wanted to have fun... I played sports, had terrible acne, and the truth was I was a follower and longing for an invitation." A friend invited him to church, but once there left to talk to his friends. As Doug stared at the pictures on the wall, an "old guy" in his late twenties approached him and struck up a friendship. "And I came back the next week, and the old bald nice guy remembered my name. He found out I was an athlete and came to my game." Soon Doug was active in the youth group, from taking part in skits to hanging out in a mentoring relationship with his youth worker Jim. His eyes communicated genuine care and interest, and finally Jim asked, "What do you think about all this Jesus stuff?" Doug thought, "If you're into Jesus, and Jesus will make me like you, then maybe I'm into Jesus." Jim gave Doug a Bible, and that week he began a journey of following Jesus Christ. "He taught me that a follower can be a leader, and as I followed Jesus Christ, I became a leader... he saw something in me that I didn't see in myself... it's because of Jim, my youth pastor, that I'm here today."

Jared Herd: The son of a youth pastor, Jared was continually in awe of the people who would thank his dad for the investment he was making into kids' lives. "Then one day the phone rang... and I heard 'I'm the woman your father has been having an affar with.' In a moment, my life and my image of my hero was completely shattered." High school was a completely awkward time; picking up the pieces of his life. He pursued all kinds of pathways of destruction trying to recover, and fortunately God knew that there would be people who could step into his story and speak into his life. "My freshman year of high school I completely walked away from the church... and someone came into my life and said, 'I know you've counted yourself out, but I want you to know God hasn't given up on you.' This trend continued with other voices in his life, and then his senior year of high school he started to walk back toward Jesus.

The band closed out with the Matt Redman tune, "You Never Let Go." Given the great Story we're all a part of, illustrated through the various slices shared tonight, that truth couldn't be any clearer. Every person is connected to one another because God never lets go of us personally and communally. What an encouragement to youth workers!

nywc: what goes on behind the curtain

2009-11-01T19:40:00.000-05:00

Doug Fields + Skit Guys hanging out

This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime� 6.5 or higher is required.

nywc: general session w/liz murray

2009-11-01T16:09:00.000-05:00

This solid session kicked off with the Revelation Song, setting a powerful theme for the day with a heart cry of thousands of people in one place proclaiming, "Holy, Holy, Holy Is the Lord God Almighty! Who was, and is, and is to come!" Lanny Donohoe took that vertical praise and added the horizontal components of crowd interaction and a ridiculously funny video exploiting the word MO as it relates to momentum. One can never underestimate the power of humor to powerfully speak to the spiritual hangover many often experienced on the typical NYWC Sunday morning, but the point was well taken - youth workers (many of whom are volunteers) are challenged with the task of using their time wisely.

That's one thing I absolutely love about the unique style that YS "brings it" - they way they crack people up with laughter so life-changing truth can slide right in.

Next up were five ladies who were a part of a worship project called "Together." As Candi Pearson (one of the ladies) put it, "Our aim is to please God and reflect our unity in His Son and His grace." That exactly what happened, as all voices and hearts joined into Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone), and the ladies each took turns at swapping the verses with one another. Next, the song Agnus Dei took off and it felt like all the voices of those in room were soaring toward heaven - as if you could actually feel people releasing their burdens in a moment of abandonment. Third in the line-up was a worship song I wasn't familiar with - "From The Inside Out" (I believe) - that challenged "Let justice and praise become my embrace."

Then, Liz Murray was up to share. Known for her story that was made into the Lifetime movie "From Homeless To Harvard," here are some slices to chew on:

Some introduction: Liz confessed to being a bit nervous, sharing "I never intended to do public speaking in my life. I never thought I'd have a story to share with people... I felt like I had nothing worth sharing. You can't plan on having a lifetime movie made about yourself - it took me by surprise." As a high school drop out, she began living on the streets of NYC, adding, "I have to remember that things are different now... The fact that I get to be here with you today is a gift... I'd gotten to such a dark place in my life because I'd given up on it."

The perspective of hindsight on her journey: "It dawned on me - the reason my story has relevance is because it's not my story - it's the story of anyone who has wanted to give up on themselves and had someone come into their life and made a difference into it. Most people can relate to a sense of resignation - of hope - of life.... People often call me a boot strapper - that "I've done what I've done with my life." Nothing could be further from the truth."

Liz' background as a child: (In the welfare community) we had the experience of watching our parents gets checks, and no one worked. As a kid, I didn't know anyone had a job. When I got to Harvard, I had some 'cultural differences' with my suite mates. Many families would use their welfare checks to pay the rent or buy groceries. "Our parents were drug addicted. So what do you think they did with their welfare check? We'd get the check and go to the drug spot." For us, it would be the first week of the month and the money was gone. The food was gone. And the question would be "How do we get to the end of the month?" As a child, you pay attention to how your parents solve problems... what they sacrifce, and how they indulge. So we learned that the highest possibility in life is to learn to "survive" - the idea of doing well wasn't even a consideration.

The Bronx community. People fed us - took us inside. We smelled the doors of people in our building who were cooking, and we'd knock and they'd let us in. But the last week of the month, no one had any money left and they'd stop answering their doors. No one in my community was dealing with the bigger picture. Try to imagine if you went home and didn't take care of your trash for two months. Or the windows are broken and the cold air comes in. Eventually, your household implodes.

Love will change someone's life. I felt deeply loved by my parents. That's surprising to many, but I didn't have anger toward them for their drugs. "That disease took my parents and ate them up from the inside out. They never meant to be the people they were at that time." Nothing replaces the experience of seeing something first hand. I thought I was hungry, but then I realized Mom hadn't eaten in days longer than I had. I wanted a new coat, and then I saw how Dad's sneakers were duct taped together. "People can't give you what they don't have... They weren't running off to be better parents to someone else during the day and then come back to stick it to us... before I went to bed, my mother would kiss me and tell me her kids were the best thing of her life."

The ripple of circumstances. When your parents don't step up to the plate, there is a deep impact of loneliness. "Have you ever been in a situation where you don't recognize yourself? I knew this wasn't supposed to be my life." We have a sense that our lives are supposed to be better, but it's hard to summon up the courage to change it. "I kept telling myself the lie of 'later'" - that the conditions will create themselves for things to change on their own.

Looking at the possibility of something more. Being in a Gothic phase, I would interview with schools and they would judge me when I walked in. In my heart, it felt like a brick wall - society was against me. So I showed up to interviews closed off. Someone gives you a look over, and you know what they're thinking. I was rejected by so many places that I finally hit a breaking point. Standing in midtown, I thought, "I should ditch the interview and go get some pizza." The "What if?" voice spoke to me- the part of you that dares to dream. That came up so intensely, "What if you get it?" There is no later. It's gotta be now. I went off to the interview, got accepted, and met the most amazing person. You never know when you're about to meet the most amazing person in your life. You're almost at your knees, ready to give up, and then something changes.

A new friend and a willing mentor. Perry was a teacher in NYC - I wish we had a photo of the two of us the day we met - a study in opposites. I walked in with gothic clothes, and the man looked like he lived in the library. You know when someone cares about you, just like you know when they don't. Perry created space for me, opened up, and told me, "Why don't you trust me and tell me what's going on?" When I finally did turn my chair and had the courage to look at him, and started to tell him my story, I saw that while he wasn't crying I could see his eyes were glassy. I first thought he pitied me, but he turned to me and touched my arm and said, "You have a lot of work to do... are you willing to do that work?" I never had someone address me that way - teachers would let me sleep.

The challenge of a youth worker. Perry said, "I'll give you what you're asking for under one condition. You're accepted to this school if I could mentor you." Will our school be a better place with you in it? (Yes, sir) "Then you're accepted." Sure enough - he wasn't kidding. All the days I was there, he'd challenge me and encourage me. "Do you want an A or not? I'll show you how to do it. You're going to work hard, right?" I signed up for night school, morning class, independent studies, extracurriculars.

Perry's intentionality as a mentor. There's a difference between setting a goal and living the reality. (i.e. Going to a gym, versyus actually going to a gym) Perry was someone who helped me understand that difference. Perry would say, "Hey you look like you want to have lunch with me." And he'd give me his lunch hour. "As long as you're willing to work, I'll be with you till the sun comes up." As much as he was a part of my life, he had no idea I'd ride the subway back and forth for sleep. Maybe all that separates you from someone you look up to and admire, is the work they've done that you haven't yet.

The community that began to form around Liz. I found a scholarship opportunity in the N.Y. Times that asked me to "please attach a brief autobiographical essay involving any obstacles in your life." All in one day, I walked into welfare to apply for food stamps, I walked into my Harvard interview to apply,and I walked into the NY Times. The welfare appt was the only one that didn't go well - the lady made fun of me. At the NY Times, I didn't know to be afraid. There was a tray of pastries, and no one touched it. I took every last donut. When they found out my story, they began to come around me and care for me.

The public after going public. A group of us appeared on the cover of the Metro section of the NY Times, and I knew my secret was out, and Perry would read it. I wish you could have seen that my community showed up on my first day at Harvard - dozens of people who read the article and showed up to help and give me brownies. They said, "We only want to help." I thought, "Really?" I didn't know people could be good. These people were "angels" who showed up and pulled together money so we wouldn't have to live on the street. They built beds for us... we didn't have to sleep another night on the street. They taught me that angels are real.

Implications for youth workers: The good news is you don't have to solve the problem - you only have to do your part. Perry said to me... "You're the luckiest person I've ever met." I wondered - is it luck? Is it perseverance? Here's what I believe: You put your best foot forward, and the universe responds. It's faith in action - the angels show up. Perry said to me: "It was so easy, Liz. I had a mentor... and he had a mentor, and so on. A long time ago, someone helped someone, who helped someone else, who helped someone else, who helped me. And I helped you."

My spin:

Liz really was compelling. From the moment she began by asking, "Is anyone here afraid of public speaking? There is hope." Along those lines, she added, "Once you figure out what you want to say, the rest is easier."

What is most intriguing about that to me is that while Liz has a message - one that received a standing ovation and an endless number of tears - she is on a journey. Perhaps she's aware of pieces of it. Perhaps there are other components she's only just now beginning to understand. She nor her mentors are Christians... yet. But you can feel her life asking questions in that direction, as if she is about to take a step of courage toward God.

Maybe that's why Mark Matlock was the best person to come up and summarize a few thoughts at the end. He put the arrowhead on the line she'd drawn and pointed it straight at Jesus. Speaking of the hardships she faced, he illustrated how the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy - but Jesus came that we may have life to the full.

It's important that we recognize this - that the people we put in front of students or those whom we receive our own insights from are all on a journey. They can share in a book or a talk where they are at in one moment, but it is always so much more. And when we look for God in every story, we understand how powerful it is to clearly show Christ for who He is - the hope of the world.

Or as Mark put it, we have a beautiful love to share with the world - the One who died on the cross for our sins. His closing prayer: "For whatever reason, you choose to use us in the lives of these kids and we have no idea what you're up to and what's really going on in their lives. God, you've shown us your love so we can show it to the world. Please help us to be that salt and light in wherever you've placed us."

nywc: 2009

2009-11-01T09:56:00.000-05:00

So I'm in Cincinatti, ready to hang with some great friends, grow in some great ways, serve behind the scenes, and nurture youth workers forward in their faith. It's an amazing thing to be an environment of thousands of people who work with teens, tweens, and everyone in between. And while I missed out on half of the conference to spend time with the kiddos for Halloween, it was well worth it.
Which means now I'm engaged in 48 hours of being a sponge and wringing it out. Thankfully, my family didn't send me alone. Aside from some great people from our church, I have a couple of friends to keep me company.

I'll be sharing at http://www.nywc.com/blog, and you can track more here: http://www.nywc.com/live

question of the day

2009-10-31T23:32:00.002-04:00

So... is it *ever* a good idea to pick up someone's loose change they left behind on a public restroom floor?

carving out some time

2009-10-31T14:47:00.001-04:00

Instead of being somewhere else, I am right here.

This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime� 6.5 or higher is required.

ugh. blah. yuck. argh. blech. gah. ack.

2009-10-27T14:12:00.004-04:00

Ugh. Blah. Yuck. Argh. Blech. Gah. Ack.

That's how I feel today. So... the question to ask is why? And now what?

(Ever find yourself dealing with these feelings and thoughts?)

For a while I have been wrestling with little things - nothing huge, just little things. But you get enough little things together and they will become a collective force for either construction or destruction in your life. When those little things are each sort of "Ugh" or "Blah" or "Yuck," and so on, they then create the "Ugh. Blah. Yuck. Argh. Blech. Gah. Ack." combo that creates more anxiety than being in a small space with Richard Simmons.

(What?)

I know I'm not alone. I just got off the phone with someone who asked me how I was doing, and I said, "I'm doing 'Ugh. Blah. Yuck. Argh. Blech. Gah. Ack.'" He laughed and said, "I think a lot of people are feeling that way."

Are you?

And then before that, I had a great chat with our church's lead worship guy Mike Edwards. He summed it up well - "A lot of people feel stalled right now. They are afraid to spit left or spit right. So everyone is sort of holding back whether they realize it or not."

Are you?

I've been praying for words for this, and I think those gave me the final dose of clarity.

I have resolved to give my best efforts into the things that matter most. I know everyone defines those priorities differently on any given day, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm referring to the things that matter most that we all sort of know "matter most."

The stuff you realize at a funeral, but start to forget about the next day.
The lessons you learn when someone you've been petty toward gets sick, and you now see all of the tension was wasted time.
The insight you gain when a tragedy "almost happens" and you are spared... and you hug people tighter than you ever did before... for a while, at least.
The humility you experience when you are given a gift of forgiveness that you could never deserve, recognizing that you have no response but "Thank you... thank you... t.h.a.n.k..y.o.u..."
The smallness you understand when you catch a millisecond glimpse of God and see for the first time in a long time that He needs to have a greater place in your life than you've allowed Him.

Granted, I get distracted, too. I put too much energy into silly places, and then I realize it and pedal backward to be able to pedal forward again.

But what is driving me nuts - absolutely nuts - is when I start to sense that the Church is taking its cue from the world instead of the other way around.

"Times are tough." I know. But isn't God tougher?
"It's rough out there." I know. So let your strength come from the One who is within you, for He is greater than anything or anyone in this world?
"We're not able to make a difference right now." I know. And yet the world has always been changed by people who understood that our sacrifice when we feel we can't sacrifice is what breaks through walls - not just when we feel comfortable to do so.
"I'm not sure that I have time for investing into my relationship with the Lord." I know. And yetone of the great uses of email, Facebook, and Twitter will be to prove at the Last Day that prayerlessness was not from lack of time.

Ugh. Blah. Yuck. Argh. Blech. Gah. Ack.

This past week on a friend's web site I read a statement he made that I thought summed up something better than I previously have.

I’m constantly reminding [others] of their need to fill their wells with the “This I know’s” (the richness of the perspective of God’s Word) and then acting on those things when the going gets rough and you don’t always see things clearly.

I’m convinced that if we don’t live that way, we might wind up doing some things we wish we hadn’t done when we find ourselves walking through muddled stuff that is blurry, confusing, and emotional.

Let's face it - this broken world is going to try to impale us with discouragement. Sometimes on purpose, other times on accident, and often because things are currently against the grain of God. It will do its passionate best to shut us down and shut us up.

It will tell the Church to kick into survival mode - instead of "search and rescue" mode. It will tell us to pull inward, instead of think outward.

That why I see the value of filling yourself with Truth - like actually reading the Bible and letting it read you. It's like a musician who plays scales to warm up her hands before a big concert or an athlete who puts effort into his everyday practices so that when the big game happens he is ready for it. Or like a Christian who values taking part in Church services and gatherings to keep their lives on a solid trajectory.

Maybe that's why there is this insightful verse in Scripture about these "little things" - these "little foxes."

"Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom." (Song of Solomon 2:15)

Feeling a bit "Ugh. Blah. Yuck. Argh. Blech. Gah. Ack."-ish?

Maybe the best perspective is one I just read via Facebook from someone within our church.

God, "why are you trying so hard to make me strong?"

He replies "to give the weak someone to lean on."

So...

Stop merely surviving. Start living.

Stop merely putting in 0-80% effort. Start putting in 100%.

Stop merely whispering your ideas. Start letting your God-given passion shout out of your life.

Stop merely showing up to things. Start giving up your life in sacrificial ways.

Stop merely seeing yourself as a good Christian. Start seeing yourself as one who is dangerous and threatening to the status quo spirituality of this world.

I know...

"Ugh. Blah. Yuck. Argh. Blech. Gah. Ack."

Join me in resolving that this won't be a summary of our life, but merely what was thrown at us.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8)

what's the matter colonel sanders... chicken?

2009-10-25T22:09:00.005-04:00

While KFC is offering a free piece of chicken today. Boston Market countered back with a full chicken meal deal for $1. How about that?

boy, oh, boy

2009-10-22T23:12:00.006-04:00

I want to take a moment to talk about what it's like to be the dad of two amazing, amazing boys.

I love these guys.

Tonight I reffed a championship football game that my oldest son played his 8-year-old heart out in. It would be obvious to celebrate how far his game play has come... because, yeah - he played well tonight. A touch down catch. A key flag pull. All of the usual stuff parents like to talk about and do a little victory dance about. And rightfully so - he gave his best. His coach even chose to encourage him on with the nickname "The Phenomenon."

But I am more in tune with the "kind" of kid he is. I saw a transformation happen over the past couple of months... from the boy who was somewhat intimidated when the football came his way to the young man who rose up and decided he would learn to face the pigskin missile with eyes (and hands) wide open. There was the new group of kids he was a stranger to, but within a short amount of time he decided he was going to make them his friends... and he did. And I haven't even mentioned the mouth guard episode - the first few days he tried to put it in his mouth he couldn't stop gagging. And yet... he kept after it and that mouth guard finally made it in.

Tonight before we left for his big game, we read from Philippians 3 which challenges to "forget what is behind" and "strain toward what is ahead." We talked about what that passage goes on to mean when it says to "press on" and "win the prize." And he got it. So much so that he walked on the field a winner, even before the first play happened, because he decided to play in a larger Story than the game... he decided to let the focus of his game be on honoring the God who created Him in the first place.

And then there is my other son. You know, it's funny to see how unique your kids are from one another, even though they are incredibly similar. In this instance, my youngest son at 5 is a music maker. Meaning, everywhere he goes he is playing a soundtrack in his head - often out loud - that gives his life a rhythm of perspective.

Case in point, this past Saturday he played a very, very tough soccer game. Normally the teams are evenly matched, but in this instance there were a couple of opposing players who just dominated. At 3-on-3, we were clearly outmatched. And even as our coach added another player to our ratio (3-on-4) and then another (3-on-5), we still struggled.

My son took a hard hit early in the game. It sent him to the ground, and I watched him look up in that stunned kid gaze that wonders, "That hurt, so can I just cry like a young child... or am I old enough where I should just push through it?" As an assistant coach, I'm out on the field as well and so I helped him up and guided him to keep on going. He wasn't sure, and for a few plays in he definitely tried to find his inner footing.

But then I watched him make the big leap over the hurdle within - the ball had gone out, and he stepped up to throw it in. Right then and there, I watched my little boy become even more of a little man... as he embraced how the story he was in was bigger than just his slice of it. And after he threw the ball toward a player, he ran back onto the field to try to kick it toward the other team's goal. Granted, he was unsuccessful at that... and yet I heard him humming a little tune as he tried. Probably the equivalent of an epic action movie song in his head.

With both of my sons, I have been so humbled to watch these shifts happen within them. The kind that says, "This is tough, but there is a good reason for me to push through it. I am a part of something bigger than me, and that is worth fighting for."

At bedtime tonight, we talked about how for many people these games are the most important things they concentrate on. I get that, and I don't mean to criticize, but when that happens it means that the losses become harder, the wins become more boastful, and the gameplay becomes more tense than it needs to be. But when God is our Coach and we play for His glory, everyone wins. He is the reason we push through the tough stuff, because He's given us the example and inspires us to do the same. And when we do, we rise up into the potential of who we really are.

So when I say that I am the dad of two amazing boys, I do so with a sense of humility. Yes, I know that they will fail. I know that there will come tough conversations in the future where we'll have a moment of disconnect... perhaps a season of disconnect. I'll love them through it, and I hope they'll do the same.

But I guess what I'm saying is that because of what I see happening in them these days - this ability to work through the tough stuff for the sake of the greater good - I am confident that any of that potential chaos in the future will become something healthier. There is something very right in these two boys that will help them through any wrong they experience or commit (which I pray against, but know I need to be prepared for if/when it happens). And I know this all tracks back to the One who is growing these changes within them.

You know, it's wild and exhilarating to see your kid do well in a sport. To catch a touchdown. To kick a ball into a goal. To do a sweet zig-zag and confuse a whole group of kids coming at them.

But I simply run out of words when I attempt to sum up the awe of seeing them grow up in front of your eyes. And by that I mean to watch them in real time choose to step forward instead of shrink back. That's a muscle and skill set that will follow them into every relationship, job, task, challenge, moral choice, and so on they will face.

And that's a "trophy" that will never fade.

So like I said, I love these guys.

thank you for the thank you

2009-10-21T19:32:00.002-04:00

I don't know who originally thought to put nuts in brownies, but it's just wrong. They're like speedbumps to the true taste... always thinking, "Did I just eat a nut? What happened to the brownie. Oh wait, there it is. And yet... another nut."

So to the great people (Junior Teen Connection and their awesome leader Kim) who gave me a pan of brownies this week without the nuts in them, thank you.

And again, I thank you.

And once more, thank you.

Thanks for remembering me and for encouraging me as I attempt to do the same.

the playoffs

2009-10-21T11:33:00.003-04:00

Joshua's team wins 32-24! They're going to the big game!

(Against the Browns... and that's all I have to say about that)

a few words on why religion stinks

2009-10-15T15:21:00.009-04:00

Consider this - One of the things that gets in the way of us having a true connection with God is the way we define that connection.

Like I said, consider that for a moment.

The way we define a connection with God is called "religion," and religion on its own simply stinks.

Out of my own life, when I was growing up, I was a "Catholic." I don't mean to put the quotes around that word to hint at any negativity, but rather because when I say "Catholic" I mean it was how I defined Catholic. For me that meant I'd pop into a church service at Easter and Christmas with my parents, vaguely pay attention if we attended other times of the year, and make the "Sign of the Cross" whenever I prayed. I believed "about" God, and occasionally I believed "in" God.

But that was it. It was my religion... it was how I chose to define my search for God (even though it was usually more of a shield I raised to feel like I could "checklist" off that part of my life and go on to do other things).

Disclaimer: I know other people define their Catholic faith or upbringing more deeply than that. I have family members, for instance, who have found that to be true. But for me... that's not what it was. Maybe you know what I mean.

If you would've pressed me on it, I would have argued with you that I was a "Christian." Again - notice the quotes... a "Christian" as I defined it, and not as the Bible does. After all, I had a version of a Christian religion that I felt mechanically good with. It blended in well with how and where I was raised, for in the greater Chicagoland area I had opted for a popular choice. Among my peers, being a Catholic was usually a family tradition that at times was possibly religious. Only in very, very rare instances did I see it become authentically spiritual in a friend or two.

By the way... this post isn't about Catholicism. We don't need to debate about what it is or isn't, but I needed to share that so we can turn to what this post is really about.

One of the things that gets in the way of us having a true connection with God is the way we define that connection.

Because everything I just described is not just true of Catholicism. It's true of any church, including the one I serve in and enjoy growing in my relationship with God.

And it's true of even people who feel they have the closest connection to Him. Sometimes those who seem the most passionate about a certain way of pursuing God have forgotten that it's not the way we worship that matters... it's the object of our worship.

Let me give you a little glimpse of the punchline of what I'm talking about. In the book of Nehemiah, the Israelites have just come out of a time of slavery and are finally back in their own land. After much hard work at restoring many of their holy places, they enter in a time of worship. Those in spiritual authority cried out to the people:

"Stand up and praise the LORD your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise." (Nehemiah 9:5-6)

If you read that passage quickly, you may miss the whammy of a thought hidden right there at the end... that who God is matters more than any blessing or praise.

Think about what that means... maybe it still hasn't hit you yet.

There is no form of blessing or praise - spoken, sung, enacted - that is more important than God Himself.

And yet...

One of the things that gets in the way of us having a true connection with God is the way we define that connection.

In other words, when we begin to worship "worship" more than the Lord Himself, we've created something inauthentic and tried to make it feel authentic.

Perhaps you have grown comfortable in a routine that feels religious on your terms. And yet it is robbing you of a true relationship with God on His terms.
Maybe there is an aspect of how you seek the Lord out that is your favorite way to do so. What happens when that itch isn't being scratched in the way you like it? Do you elevate that form of praise higher than you elevate the God the praise is intended for?
Who or what gets to define if you are really on track with what it is you say you believe?
Is the purpose of a church community to meet your needs? Or is the purpose of a church community a gathering of Christ-followers who decide to meet the needs God says matter?

Has the punchline hit you yet?

I have found that when I can put God in my pocket, He has ceased to be God.

No bumper sticker is big enough to define Him.
No style of worship is encompassing enough to praise Him.
No denomination is true enough to exist without Him.
No discovery is shiny enough to steal the spotlight from Him.
No science is smart enough void of Him.
No person is dirty enough that they don't matter to Him..

Perhaps you read this as a skeptic. Thanks for popping in... and I dare you to stop rejecting God as much as you're rejecting your idea of God. Please think about that for a moment.

Maybe you're processing through this as a religious person... again, thank you for your time. But don't let your self-defined pace of considering God keep your from recognizing the fiercely-tender, redemptively-holy One who is so much larger than you believe He is... so much more relevant to your life than you allow... so much more intimate with you than you are with Him.

Or it could be that you are taking all of this in as one who has chosen to step over the line and embrace the fire hydrant drink of Jesus Christ's love and His purpose for you here on planet earth. Again, even with you there will be a temptation to look for God-things to scratch itches only God is supposed to itch.

Even today, I wrestle with wanting to define my faith versus allowing it to be defined and refined by my God. I tell Him, "This is how we're going to best connect," and He says, "I'm actually trying to talk to you from over here. Peek-a-boo!"

There is a difference between playing your own music and asking God to dance to it, versus tuning into the soundtrack the Creator has set into motion and letting your life sway in new ways because of it... because of Him.

But as you dance, don't worship the dance or the music. Rather, enjoy and express your heart out to the One behind it all.

Religion? It stinks.

But God pursuing you isn't religion.

He is an amazing Daddy who loves His kids.

And that... is a relationship worth letting Him define so you can more fully embrace it.

Take a look at that picture at the top of Adam and God again. Who of the two is stretching, and who of the two is barely lifting a finger to connect?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-lY8VQpSTY

baby, baby

2009-10-15T10:28:00.001-04:00

Maybe you've seen this.... but if you haven't, let your life be forever changed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIt5lGhFyE0

another perspective on divorce

2009-10-12T22:33:00.003-04:00

I share this as a child of a divorce, and also as someone doing his best everyday to add to his spouse, marriage, and household.

Please...

don't look at divorce as an option.

I know it has happened to many who may read this.

But if it hasn't, and you're married, I ask you to be as committed to your spouse as you would to your flesh and blood kids. We often elevate them to a special kind of love where even if they get on our nerves all the time "we're not going anywhere" and are committed to work it out.

So please... commit that kind of love to your spouse, right now.

If you need a reason, I invite you to walk through this transparent offering...

which is "another perspective on divorce."

Click on the picture below.

http://postcardsfromsplitsville.com/index.html

a few reviews

2009-10-09T10:17:00.002-04:00

I just had the privilege of reading and reviewing some new books that will be released this month. Here's a snapshot of what I submitted to the great people at YouthW0rker Journal.
------------------------------
The Church Of Facebook: How The Hyperconnected Are Redefining Community
By Jesse Rice
David C Cook, 2009, 240 pp., $12.99
http://churchoffacebook.com

This book’s title suggests a study of Facebook and potential implications for how the church understands community. The real study presented, though, is how people and things fall into sync with one another in ways that seem “unnatural and inexplicable.” Rice utilizes “three realities” that explore how a population can be spontaneously synchronized with one another, the outcomes that creates, and the contagious adaptation that occurs.

Reading this resource feels like a journey with a flashlight – it’s easy to track with the narratives the author utilizes, and yet not see the punchline until he lays it in front of you. It’s also not clear who the target audience is, for any mention of Christianity comes across as seeker-sensitive and initially apologetic. Still, there are solid Malcolm Gladwell-style takeaways for church leaders looking to intelligently maximize social networking and understand how a changing culture defines feeling “connected.”

----------------------------

Ignite Your Faith: 365 Devotions to Set Your Faith on Fire
By Baker Publishing Group
Revell, 2009, 384 pp., $14.99

The editors at Campus Life have successfully identified some of their best devotions for teens and young adults and forged them together into this thick resource. The book’s size is arguably more comforting than intimidating in that it offers young people a highly empowering approach to spend time with God each day. With almost fifty categories that group it all together, students will feel empowered by the unique blend of Scripture with the everyday issues they face.

What makes this kind of book so practical, though, is that it creates conversation that teenagers can explore with their parents, youth group, or friends. Many of the challenges that the devotions offer really seem able to push readers forward in their faith in both public and private ways. Whether you grab this as a gift or read it in community, this is one compilation you won’t want to miss.

-------------------

God Guy: Becoming the Man You're Meant to Be
By Michael DiMarco
Revell, 2009, 176 pp., $14.99

God Girl: Becoming the Woman You're Meant to Be
By Hayley DiMarco
Revell, 2009, 176 pp., $14.99

Michael and Hayley DiMarco have clarified and simplified a bold challenge for young men and women to become “God Guys” and “God Girls.” These are more than tame, gender-specific books that say the same things we’ve read in other places. There is a real sense of biblical wisdom and seasoned confidence that help reestablish godly manhood and womanhood to the emerging generation.

God Guy looks and feels like a “guy’s book” that challenges young men to not fake their faith but instead become truly connected to Jesus. The author pulls no punches in describing a biblical-masculinity that empowers one to feel strong in every area of life.

God Girl pushes that same envelope on a feminine level, helping young women to reexamine life through core Scriptures that lead to practical life change. No area is off limits, from external and internal beauty to how the Lord defines true friendship.

These resources are the real deal, and you will be hard pressed to find something better. Get them into the hands of your kids and help them take hold of their original God-given identities.

with apologies to chick-fil-a

2009-10-08T21:48:00.004-04:00

a retro thought for the present about our future

2009-10-01T16:53:00.003-04:00

I was looking through some of my older, pre-blog journal entries. By that I mean things that I may have blogged about had such a thing existed, but as such it was just me, my computer, and some friends I shared an e-mail group with.

This one comes from early March of 2000. It is on the heels of a major accident I was involved in when I was on a trip from Michigan to Chicago and got slammed into a cement guard rail on the highway after a truck cut me off. It was a life changing experience in many ways, and I found myself trembling for several days afterward.

Well I'm back home today after Chicago and my accident on the highway. I must say - it's been a good learning lesson for me. I started out on Monday morning, asking God to teach me something this weekend... and He did. (You know - God has a funny way of packaging answers to those kinds of prayers.)

Anyway...

When I arrived to my street, I pulled up to about 50 feet away from my house. Just enough for me to drink it in, while at the same time enough distance so that Katie wouldn't know I had gotten back just yet. I felt like God wanted to teach me something there.

So as I sat in my decapitated Jeep, hands on the steering wheel, I was reminded again of the incredible blessing it is to come home.

Home.

What an incredible word. When you think of the word, what images come to your mind?

Home.

After wiping away my tearful eyes, I pulled into the driveway and gave three honks - a sort of "car language" my wife and I share, 3 honks signifying "I---Love---You." She ran out and wrapped her arms around me and we embraced for moments of eternity.

That is, until she said with a smile (over my shoulder), "i...can't...breathe..."

You know, it's an awesome thing to come "home." And God has shown me but a glimpse of the incredible Home we will someday go to. He reminds us through His servant Paul in Philippians 3:20-21 that our citizenship is in heaven. Or in other words, that is our home.

Heaven... our (intended) Home.

In another verse (1 Peter 2:11), Christians are described as "aliens" - or in other words, “we're just visiting.” This world is not our home.

I say it again, this world is not our home.

The things... the people... everything around it and in it will all pass away.

But...

my Home in Heaven will not. And someday my joy will be being welcomed into a new Home with the eternal embrace of Christ, wrapping Himself around me, and that feeling of relentless warmth will consume our every square inch.

Until I finally tell Jesus, with tears in my eyes... and a smile...

"i...can't...breathe..."

I wonder... does it really take a near-death experience for us to have a healthy perspective like that?

Or might you and I be able to engage in that today... minus the crash?

Why does it always take a funeral or a dangerous moment with our own mortality to get us to think about the stuff that really matters in the first place?

Hmm.

nightline: ten commandments

2009-09-28T23:55:00.004-04:00

You may or may not know this, but Nightline is doing a series on the Ten Commandments and how they are practically being lived out (or not lived out) today.

Check out the conversation: http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/10Commandments

(FYI: You will hear/read/see a variety of perspectives on topics, including those for and against)

Try their quiz while you're there.

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/10Commandments/fullpage?id=8604104

something for the ladies

2009-09-28T10:48:00.001-04:00

For all the ladies out there looking for Mr Right.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bomkgXeDkE

what relationships are worth saving?

2009-09-25T07:00:00.006-04:00

I read a random quote on the "Five For Fighting" video for "Superman" via YouTube. Check this out:

"if I had superman's power, I wouldnt save anyone. why save people when people most of us arent very genuine anyways?" - mpham1974

Wow. That deep cynicism got me thinking about a question most of us ask inside and often get tired of wondering about.

What relationships are worth saving?

Think about it - you and I each have relationships in life that are frustrating:

The person who has labeled you because it's more convenient than them taking the time to get to know you.
The petty "jabber" whose words about you feel like punches... as if they'd rather box with you than connect with you.
The once-great-friend who now won't return phone calls.
The "old gang" whom you hear about and read online of the latest thing they did together or movie they saw... but sort of overlooked inviting you.
The individual whose life is going a different direction than yours, and they've decided they'd rather not be reminded of that by hanging out with you.
The household who seems negative toward yours - perhaps with misunderstanding, envy, anger, or one of the other "seven deadly sins" (if that list is even accurate, let alone conclusive).
The silent treatment you continue to receive from those who have pulled away and continue to act as if there is nothing wrong.

(It's exhausting, isn't it?)

What do you do when you don't know what to do (and question if you even have the energy to do it)?

If you've made it this far in reading all of this, I have good news... you have displayed an incredible sign of commitment by even being interested in this topic. You may not think so, but in a world that says, "Let's just agree to disagree" you have said, "Actually, let's agree to work it out." It says that you are interested in finding a way to reconcile a relationship that has somehow fizzled into something less than what it's been.

This is to be applauded, for it honors the heart of God in more ways than you realize... it's in the vein of what Jesus has done for us, and that makes all the difference.

This is why the Bible speaks of this:

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. (Hebrews 12:14-15)

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:16-21)

What does all of that mean? Plain and simple, if you consider yourself a Christian you have no right to build a wall with another person. We know this because Jesus didn't build a wall to you and I but instead opted for building a bridge.

Go back and read that... seriously, don't overlook this. Because if you want to overlook those Scriptures as well as others on this theme, I humbly yet boldly ask that you would stop calling yourself a Christian. It's embarrassing and immature when we can't live out the most basic calling to share what we have been given... forgiveness, restoration, love, grace, and so on.

Now that said, again - you've made it this far in reading - which means you are considering that you want to reconcile. These verses illustrate that when you desire that you are attempting to do two things in this relationship...

You are attempting to reconcile/connect with you.
You are attempting to help this person reconcile/connect with God.

In both situations, there is only so much you can do. We know that, and unfortunately we often use that as an excuse that we've "tried" and "it just didn't work out." Perhaps you did try, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't continue.

It hurts... I know. Believe me... I know more than I can share here.

Again, though, remember Jesus and His example. For even when you are done "doing" those things, and they still won't pony up on their end, you can be confident in the bedrock foundation you have provided on your end. It says, "No matter what, my door is open to you when you want to have a real deal friendship." And likewise, "No matter what, God's door is open to you when you want to have a real deal relationship with Him, too."

Because while we can't control what the other person will do, we can control what we will do. So maybe we should?

You and I will hit walls in living this out. And they will hurt. The other side of the relationship will decide not to make the same kind of investment you want to make. They will act childish at times and be quite inconsiderate of your feelings. Perhaps not because they want to hurt you, but because they find it too scary to enter into an authentic friendship.

In most cases, people haven't learned these skills growing up and sort of become big people who can still act like little people. Again, that's not a slam - but it's a reality many find themselves in. So when you choose to not play games because you really care about them, it may not be received - not because they don't want to, but because they may be simply unaware of their behavior and how it affects others. Your relational authenticity comes across as if you wore comfortable clothing to a suit and tie event... the people in the room felt like they had to get dressed up in certain clothing, whereas you are confident in not playing that game.

Consider the alternative, though. Consider "giving up" - going your own way, abandoning the person, ending on an awful note. You may feel vindicated to do so, and yet you are only contributing to the death of the relationship.

On the other end, consider where bridge building could lead! You may see something restored and reconciled in a few years that right now is tearing up your heart. Is that worth fighting for? Even the hope of that?

I am foolish enough to say yes. Let me say that even more openly - I am absolutely stupid enough to say yes. I am a dumb, dumb believer that the way things are isn't the way they need to stay. I "ignorantly know" people are capable of more than they realize, and I unreservedly call them out on it - like when a kid busts an adult for breaking a rule, and the adult knows he/she has been caught. Yeah... that's me. I remind people that this game of mask wearing isn't necessary, and they often look at me as if it is.

Odd.

And I will continue to have this childlike faith in what it might look like one day if I hang on to and live out the promises my Daddy told me were true.

That's why nurturing my own relationship with God is so important. For if I do I can the fruit of that... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are things I absolutely need if I'm going to keep on keeping on.

And you may have to try alternative ways to talk with them, especially if they won't acknowledge the issue. You'll ask, "Is everything okay?" and get the "Sure, everything is fine," but you know it isn't. Talk about why you wonder - circumstances and actions that make you question it - and ask, "Help me understand, then, why this is/isn't happening." Express your commitment to them, even if it isn't reciprocated. Love doesn't demand a return... it proclaims the investment "no matter what."

What relationships are worth saving? All of them.

For even if they don't pan out and allow you to see the full work of God in them, there were be a work of God that happens in you in all of its fullness.

That alone is worth the uphill journey.

Hang in there... you just may see a miracle. It just may take some time, and a whole lot of God.

touchdown!

2009-09-25T00:01:00.001-04:00

Tonight I enjoyed one of the perks of being a ref... standing only a few feet away in the same end zone my son entered when he scored his first official football touchdown.

Yeah... that's MY son!

But I did let the other ref blow the whistle - only because I didn't know whether to scream "YEAH!" or objectively call the score as official, :)

i confess...

2009-09-22T20:42:00.003-04:00

I confess, today, that it is easier to live by my ideals than it is to follow God on His terms.

I also confess that I will not be taking the easy route... or the lazy route... you pick the word you like best.

And I likewise add that by taking the non-easy/lazy route I look forward to the fruit of following God - a journey that allows you to experience

a love that is contagious...
a joy that keeps you from losing your motivation...
a peace that passes all understanding...
a patience that helps you not confuse the weather for the climate...
a goodness that helps you pursue what is right over the long haul instead of what simply makes you happy in the moment...
a kindness that allows you to see the "Real Someone" beneath the someone in front of you...
a gentleness that draws others in who have been poked, cut, and shouted at by the world...
a faithfulness that makes you committed to the Community and not merely what the Community gives you...
a self-control that says you are greater than the urges within.

All of this is possible when we quit letting what is happening on the outside define our insides, but instead let something happen to us on the inside that will then define our outsides.

That's more than "a positive attitude" - it's allowing yourself to be truly transformed into the real "You" you were originally created to be.

And it requires Jesus... the real One. Not the tame one we box into 90 minutes on an occasional Sunday morning, but the one Who is with you all the time and longs for us to quit putting on the masks we prefer to wear.

So let's drop the "once a week" religion thing and instead dare to embrace a 24/7 two-way Relationship with your (re)Creator.

I confess... it is absolutely amazing to be a part of something that is so Real that human words haven't even been invented to adequately describe it.

ten things a husband needs

2009-09-19T20:47:00.002-04:00

I found this online and thought the bullet points could be used for reflection and conversation.

http://todayschristianwomanstore.com/top10thyohur.html

OVERVIEW
Husbands have specific needs, but what exactly are they? We’ve boiled them down to a top ten list to encourage you to be become a more understanding wife and move forward in your relationship together.

Introduction: Giving Him What He Wants
It’s not as simple as it seems.

Tip One: To show you he’s strong and capable
Beneath the surface, men wonder if they have what it takes. When men compete, they’re often captured by the challenge to prove themselves.

Tip Two: To Dream With You
Is there something your husband always longed to do when you were first married, but he’s stopped mentioning it now that you’re busy with daily life?

Tip Three: To Share His Interests With You
It’s easy for the pressures of life to crowd out the fun. Take the things your spouse likes to do and find ways to make them enjoyable for both of you.

Tip Four: To Love You As Best He Can
Many women compare their friendships with men's. Watch men interact with each other before you conclude they avoid close relationships.

Tip Five: To Be Respected And Admired
Men desire to be respected and admired from the women they love. Become an expert on your spouse and learn to praise his strengths.

Tip Six: To Communicate And Be Close To You
Most men want intimacy with their wives—and not just sexually. Men want to understand your rules but are confused when they seem unclear.

Tip Seven: To Find Purpose And Significance
God created us with a deep desire for meaning and significance. Learn how to encourage your husband.

Tip Eight: To Hear Your Gratitude
Many women hold back sincere affirmations. Know that your positive words will pave the way for your husband to do the same.

Tip Nine: To Know You’re On His Side
You and your husband are a lifelong team. When your husband has a problem, it’s your problem, too. A husband longs to know he’s not alone.

Tip Ten: To Have Sex…And Plenty Of It!
Physical intimacy can be a barometer for your relationship. Your husband may see your physical intimacy as a signal that he’s doing fine at home.