i tried to take a day off yesterday... remixed.

I tried to take a day off yesterday.

And I succeeded.

Actually, I should say WE succeeded.

For I was allowed this opportunity by the people around me who love me and get that I must refuel if I hope to be able to take others anywhere important in their lives.  These are the people who responded with loving-yet-tough words when I wrote what I did last week, asking, "How can we help you say 'no' better?" And the same kinds of voices who asked, "You take care of us, but who takes care of you?"

So yesterday I turned off my cell phone.  That meant when I was driving around and thought, "Oh, I should probably call Blaise about an idea for basketball this Sunday" or "There was this thing from Monday night's meeting that I should follow up with Jon about," I simply kept the phone off and kept driving.  And when I was tempted to turn it on to call home about something, I thought, "You know, today... I'll just wait and drive the extra three minutes because I can wait to ask Katie that question when I see her in person."

It's amazing to let your day be more like a crockpot versus the microwave we often make it out to be.  (It even tastes better.)

I also only used the internet for a few random things... like helping my boys out on a video game they got stuck on (some websites are quite detailed in how to crush a 2-dimensional turtle with spikes on it).  There was also an email I had to check for a personal reason, which meant that as I glanced at the other email subjects that wanted my attention for work I had to practice the discipline of "intentional overlooking until later."  And then I did little Bible study to help me replenish my perspective with God... the core of any good Sabbath one might take.

So here's what I (re)learned...

It turns out a person can turn his cell phone off and the world continues to turn... proving that we are not as important as we think we are.  I know that's not what we like to hear, which is why when we are in a face-to-face conversation with someone or sitting in a meeting we are constantly are checking our Facebook page notifications, looking to see if someone send us a TXT or voicemail, or hoping our email inbox is full.

I mean, have you ever had someone you're attempting to have a conversation with keep typing away on their laptop or QWERTY phone pad instead of looking at you?  Or maybe the better question - have you ever been that person? (I'll raise my hand on that).  In one relationship I had in the past I found I couldn't carry on conversation with someone on staff face-to-face - his eyes were always fixed on his laptop whenever we "talked."

And yet the people I did interact with yesterday enjoyed the fullness of my presence with them... proving we are more important than we think we are.  When my youngest son asked, "Can you play with me?" and my answer was a quick "Yes" - not "Sure, let me finish this" or "I can't right now because I'm working," his face and life lit up.  And when my oldest son looked at me after we'd spent time swimming at the local rec center together, he said, "Dad, I really like it when we spend time together with you like this."  I wouldn't trade that comment for a million dollar check.

This morning I was talking with my wife about it all, and she felt the overflow of it as well as she said, "It makes a real difference in my day when you're able to give us all your full attention."  We talked about a few other things along those lines, but that's lovey-dovey husband/wife chat that I don't need to write about here. The point is that now today as I go off to fight the good fight and come alongside of others my family won't resent me doing so... and my tank is full, so I don't think I will resent it all that much either.

Because, again... we are not as important as we think we are, proving we can be unavailable for a day.

But we are more important than we think we are, proving we must be available for a day.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."  (Jesus, Matthew 11:28-30, MSG)

If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good! But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife, cool and collected, accessible, and hospitable. He must know what he's talking about, not be overfond of wine, not pushy but gentle, not thin-skinned, not money-hungry. He must handle his own affairs well, attentive to his own children and having their respect. For if someone is unable to handle his own affairs, how can he take care of God's church? He must not be a new believer, lest the position go to his head and the Devil trip him up. Outsiders must think well of him, or else the Devil will figure out a way to lure him into his trap. (1 Timothy 3:1-7. MSG)

i tried to take a day off yesterday...

I tried to take a day off yesterday.

Keep in mind, it's not that I'm complaining in this post.  Rather, I'm simply attempting to share that yesterday I tried to take a day off yesterday.  And I failed.  So much happened in so many people's lives all at once, and I had the sense I needed to help where I could.

After all, I'm quite grateful for the opportunity I have to work.  Because of that opportunity, I attempt to pour myself out with fierce commitment and gentle handling of the lives I've been entrusted to invest into, so that they in turn can invest themselves into those around them.  And so on.  It is a tremendous, tremendous blessing to do what I do, as hard as it is.

"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men." (Ephesians 6:7)

But for reasons I don't need to go into, I'm finding that while I give my best possible burst throughout the week at various hours all throughout each day, the one day off a week I try to take to recharge - "Sabbath" with my God, myself, my wife, and my kids - is becoming more about that "one thing" that someone needs me to do.  It would be one thing if I only received only one phone call that began with, "I know it's your day off today, but..." - only when I receive 8-10 of those before noon, you can see how it's difficult it can be to move forward into rest.

Part of it is my fault.... I keep my cell phone on in case a friend or family member needs to reach me.  And I don't have a traditional secretary... most people don't think that instead of calling me they could call our church office number to schedule an appointment with me. Instead, the common idea is to call me, or text me, or email me, or Facebook note me directly.  In some ways that is effective because in our culture everyone likes to go directly to the source... after all, don't we all press "0" to get a live person when we call a business and their automatic voicemail menu kicks in? 

But in other ways the idea of calling me directly is ineffective.  For one, it keeps our infrastructure small and assumes "one pastor does it all," thereby preventing us from growing beyond the current church model we're presently in.  The other (and perhaps more obvious) issue is that I have no one to say, "He'll get back to you when he's back in the office."  People expect me to be reachable for an emergency or question not just from 9-5, but the 24 hours of 12-12.

Which creates another problem - I have 1300 + friends and contacts on Facebook.  These are legitimate connections I've made over the years, and I'm quite grateful for them.  But that means I may not catch every person's status updates or cries for help.  Meaning, because you see my status updates regularly doesn't mean that the Facebook filter shows me yours.  So I apologize if I don't catch everything.  You may have to let me know what I missed.

And I know that if you're in crisis about something right now, you want my help on it right now.  The problem is that often others are going through something just as fierce, and I may have to ask you to wait a moment or two.  It's not to say your cry for help isn't important, but that it's not the only one.

Again, I'm not complaining.  I want to serve God by serving you, so by no means take this as an ask to back away from allowing me to be a part of the journey you're on.  So don't start assuming that because I wrote this that I don't want you to reach out for help, guidance, or community as you need it.

What I am asking is that if you're trying to reach me...

• ...on my normal Tuesday off or a regular day in the week...
• ...during standard office hours or odd hours of the day/night...
• ...through the church phone number (330-461-3964) or my own cell phone...
• ...by sending a TXT because you realize it was more efficient than a phone call...
• ...by phone because you realized a TXT conversation would last beyond a quick exchange...
• ...by an email or Facebook note...
• ...when I'm available to the world or when I'm only planning to be available to my family...
  

I'm asking that you allow me the breath I need before I attempt to help you find yours.

I might need to ask you to wait before I respond to you while I'm engrossed in something else important

If I need to make an occasional, rare exception and break my Sabbath day or rest to help offer healing in your life, I will.

"Some of them were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal him on the Sabbath. Jesus said to the man with the shriveled hand, "Stand up in front of everyone."  Then Jesus asked them, "Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?" But they remained silent" (Mark 3:2-4) 

But if I don't need to... if you can truly wait and find a better window for us to connect, that would be an incredible blessing.  I think perhaps to us both... and maybe your family and mine as well.

Thank you for hearing me.

"Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates." (Exodus 20:9-10)

just a word of thanks

I just wanted to say thanks to those who pray for me each day.  This video is some good perspective on how it really does help... except I think my wife is a bit more understanding than the one portrayed in this film.  (I'll chalk that up to answered prayer as well) :)

the call after the call

I'm going to be honest about something - sometimes it's hard for my family to be a part of the church.

Yeah, I said it.

If people decide they don't like me or get offended at things the church is doing, not only do we lose potential participants but my wife and kids lose personal friends. That can hurt and be more confusing to understand (let alone explain than the average person realizes.

I know that's a bit transparent. And yet...

I can't imagine a more amazing church for my family to be a part of than Connection Church.

I once did.

And I was wrong.

I want to invite you to read this "classic" post that was written during a time when we were living with my in-laws in a small modular home and my dream job offered me the chance to come serve with them:

http://dontcallmeveronica.blogspot.com/2005/09/call.html

We didn't know one thing about Connection Church at the time, so when we responded to that other church in question it wasn't a "this or that" sort of comparison - it was simply a pure question of how to follow God as a household and honor both. We didn't have a plan "B" by turning down plan "A" - until we realized that plan "A" was actually plan "B" - and suddenly "not settling" in anything but the calling (even without a tangible destination) became plan "A."

But today I am thankful to know that our family is in the right place because the people we get to do life with through this congregation are imperfectly perfect for us. I am so, so thankful to be on the journey with them and pray for the day when every person in the region we live in comes into a fully-alive relationship with Jesus Christ.

If you're a part of Connection Church or once were, I want you to know that my family is committed to your household, whether you are committed to us in the same way.

And if you aren't... come move to where we live and be a part of the most amazing church I've ever had the humble privilege of being a part of, let alone serving in as its pastor.

That's not a commercial... that's an opportunity.

Are you in?

http://www.connectionchurch.org/

stuff pastors don't talk about

I recently read that 55% of pastors can identify one or more topics on which they don't like to talk about because the conversation could negatively affect their hearers’ willingness to attend church in the future.

Um... really?

I'm all for helping people feel welcomed and we do a lot in our services to help people laugh, feel loved on, and know we are there to help them take their next step with God. But if a church begins to shy away from sharing bold truth then we start playing a game of keeping everyone happy... and when that happens we begin to miss out on the necessary ingredients for spiritual growth to get cooked up.

Among these topics are politics (38%), homosexuality (23%), abortion (18%), same-sex marriage (17%), war (17%), women’s role in church and home (13%), the doctrine of election (13%), hell (7%) and money (3%).

For the record... I have not done focused an entire sermon on each of these in the past year.

I have, however, regularly addressed each in various ways throughout a message (i.e. "By the way, this principle of surrender applies to all our stuff, including our wallets," etc) or announcements (i.e. "We're taking part in an opportunity in a couple weeks for people to renew their vows. This is our way of affirming God's design for marriage - between a man and a woman - etc." )

So I'm not sure how I'd be registered in the statistics. To be intentionally up front, I'll state my thoughts publicly here, reflecting how I personally have come to understand the core issue behind each of these core issues.

• Politics: Following Jesus has several political implications, and yet the hope of the world is not ever going to be found in an elected official... that includes any president we've had, have, and ever will have.
  
  Never.
  
  When will we understand this?
  
  The Israelites once had God as their King, and yet they demanded change to come through a human person. So God gave them a good looking king who seemed to have it all together... he made great speeches initially and everyone enjoyed the idea that change was coming (which, let's face it, every human candidate promises). Then things caved in when an imperfect human king did imperfect human things.
  
  And then the people realized it's harder to follow a man you can see versus a God you can't.
  Ironic.
  
  While God can use a politician to change the world, it seems like His preference is to change people like you and me and let a real grassroots revolution start. Perhaps this is why what Jesus taught is highly political and yet exceedingly non-partisan.



• Homosexuality: Yes, homosexuals need Jesus Christ and must surrender their lives to Him.
  
  Interestingly, so do heterosexuals.
  
  I'm all for talking about the effects of homosexual sin on our culture... as long as we talk about the effects of heterosexual sin as well... divorce, porn, lust, dirty jokes, etc. So before we "love the sinner and hate the sin" (which is good Christian language from a good Christian intention that often ends in bad Christian judgment), how about if we love God, hate our own sin, and let Him remove the plank from our own eye first? That doesn't mean the person next to us doesn't need a good cleaning, too, but I think there's something wise about that process starting in us first.
  
  
• Abortion: Describing the worth of a baby and the kind of love we're to show to a confused mom-to-be are bigger concepts than most bumper stickers present. Can we stop trying to debate in traffic over this issue with witty jabs?
  
  I affirm as the Bible does as well as medical science that life begins before birth, whether it's the heartbeat of the pre-born at week 6 or the intelligent design of a loving Creator.
  
  I also affirm that in our country, one person's "rights" never should trump another's - if we can't tell one person what to do with their body, we can't tell another... no matter which side of the womb they are on. (Think about it)
  
  I also affirm that there is no point in picketing a clinic, especially since the greater calling is to come into the lives of the lost and broken and extend care and guidance in love. That's one of the reasons our church supports a local ministry that is designed for this very reason - to reach out and care for unwed mothers confused about life.
  



• Same-sex marriage: I once heard George Carlin do a routine on words that don't belong next to each other because they sort of cancel each other out - like "jumbo shrimp," "act naturally," and "pretty ugly."
  
  Having said that, "same-sex" and "marriage" seem odd next to one another in the same way. They sort of cancel out the definition of each, which is perhaps why we seem so intent on redefining them. I read that in California there is legislation that has changed the marriage license form you fill out from "Groom" and "Bride" to "Party A" and "Party B." Apparently someone tried to write in the original words anyway and got in trouble for it.
  
  Another couple words that don't belong together on the heterosexual side? "Marriage" and "divorce." God designed a marriage between a man and a woman to last, with the two mysteriously becoming "one flesh." Look at how human bodies fit with each other... we seem to be rare among all of creation in that sexual union can happen face-to-face, with the exchange of breath and complementary body parts intersecting with one another. Look also at what happens when divorce occurs - pain unlike any other causes once-lovers to become now-despisers.
  
  Our world doesn't like it when certain words come together, and we find that easy to spot. Interestingly, God spots some words like that, too, that don't belong next to each other - like "judgmental" and "Christian."
  
  Ahem... like "judgmental" and "Christian."
  
  Is this thing on?
  
  Perhaps there is a way to protect the things that matter without destroying people in the process... and to me, those are two concepts that *do* go together.
  



• War: The cross of Christ proves that God can use the ultimate evil to bring about the ultimate good.
  
  It's not His ideal, and yet He can use it.
  
  War wasn't in the original blueprint of Genesis 1-2, but because Genesis 3 and 4 exist, God is given the option to use our backward nature to bring about forward momentum for all of creation.
  
  So the main idea then is to be a people of peace first and foremost... but the secondary idea is that the shedding of blood can be used to bring about peace - only if God is involved with it. Otherwise it only leads to shedding more blood.
  



• Women's role in church and home: A woman's role in church and home is to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength - and second, to love their neighbor as they love themselves.
  
  Oddly enough, this is the same role a man is to have.
  
  Wouldn't it be great if we lived that out? And as we did, wouldn't we find that we were complementing each other in such a way that we felt like an equal, not because we were the same but because the two had become "one flesh?"
  
  Hmm...
  
  Perhaps complementarianism and egalitarianism aren't competing ideas after all.



• Doctrine of election: This cannot be understood without simultaneously developing a doctrine of freewill, for all of theology must be considered when some of theology is considered. And the Bible contains both concepts all throughout.
  
  As an example, you have been elected to read these words - for you just did - because I as the author knew that by placing them here you would read them as you just have - by choice - even though these words were already here.
  
  Where that analogy falls short, though, is that I live within time as you do, so I didn't know in advance who would actually read them. It would take someone who lives inside and outside of time to know and affect at the same time... in which case, God's very nature allows us to be "elected" from the birds-eye perspective of time while in a historical sense we are choosing Him.
  
  
• Hell: A literal existence that was never invented or intended for humans... not at all. Yes, Jesus used a metaphor of His day to describe it... but that doesn't discount hell's existence any more than when He used mustard seeds and four kinds of soil to describe the condition of our faith.
  
  But again - hell has never been an existence we were created to experience.
  


• Money: Jesus said don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. I'd add don't give God what's "left" - give God what is "right." He owns it all, and yet we try to hold it back when He asks for us to use it in a certain way. In my experience, the hardest part of a person to get converted is their wallet. Even today I struggle with this temptation as well... do you?
  
  Meanwhile, many churches struggle to accomplish little goals, let alone big ones.
  
  Hmm.

As I see it, what I've written is what I think is most important in each of those topics. I'm sure some may ask for some additional clarity on where I fall on sub-section Q of topic 15c, but I most theological spell checking is for theological spell checkers. If that's you, I mean you no disrespect... but I am a Christ-centered, Bible-based, interdenominational kind of guy.

Which means the greatest doctrine out there as I see it is "Jesus loves me, this I know for the Bible tells me so."

In the fall I'll be covering some of these topics in more textured detail in our church, but in the meantime I hope this causes us to consider what matters most about what matters most.

a sign of joy

So I'm in Michigan right now, hanging out at the in-laws for a few days to celebrate Christmas. (They have cable... I'd forgotten what a clear picture looks like on a TV)

On the drive over I saw a fellow on the corner in an old town we once lived in, doing his thing. It wasn't the guy in this video, but you've probably seen a guy like this in your town.



Once upon a time, this was my job.

Not literally, but... well... it's hard to explain. (My wife gets it, though.)

What I wanted to share is that our lives are like this sign guy. We're all pointing toward something, and if you recognize that you might want to be sure it's something valid you can enjoy pointing to.

In the Bible, we find words like "evangelism" and "worship" and complicate their meaning with things we do "in church."

But really... it's just the joy of being a sign holder, and letting that joy come out.

Maybe that's why so many people enjoy Christmas... people who may not normally realize how available "peace on earth" is and all the signs that are pointing to God all year round. This season causes us to put up our feet and recognize the Light of the world that shines in the darkness, though the darkness has not yet understood it.

And that's where true joy to the world can be found.

because everyone knows

I can't believe how late it is and I can't sleep. I keep having these dreams... I've been having them all week, and they seem to be the product of some of my worst fears. Last night it was losing my youngest son in a large city and not being able to find him. Tonight it was something that seems incomparable to that, and yet is very important.

Remembering the whole dream is hard, but (tonight/this morning/what time is it?) I remember the last part. For some reason our church was meeting in our old movie theater, even though it was today's era (we now meet in a new building). As best as I can piece together, I'd given the order of service to a couple of our staff guys and left the room to collect my thoughts once service began. That's when things got chaotic... for even in my dreams (apparently) I care about what happens in our services because everyone knows they affect people who are thee to connect with God.

The band was supposed to play a song, and then play some instrumental music while the bandleader prayed. Instead, I heard (from outside the theater) that this wasn't happening - instead, people were spontaneously praying about different things - no microphone, but rather random praying around a room (which included the power talkers who could project and the quiet talkers who said important things, but no one could hear them). As I made my way in, someone was praying that the Republican Party would eventually come back into Presidential power. Even though it was a dream, I was about to lose it... fearing that we'd crossed some line of political ethics that the IRS would feed on and shut us down... because everyone knows you're not supposed to do that.

So I made a hand gesture to one of our staff guys that looked like a keyboard. This was my baseball-esque signal to go back on stage and play some music so I could grab a microphone and steer us back into a God-focused direction vs a GOP one... because everyone knows that a service isn't supposed to be patriotic or in favor of a political party... right?

The only problem was as I was about to do this another person behind the computer started rolling a video on the main screen. There were two... no, three problems with this.

One - it was an unrelated video to anything we were doing. Apparently, it was one of those videos people send in an email and want you to watch, only you're not sure it's a virus so you don't watch them and it sits in your email forever - like that bottle of mystery condiments most refrigerators have in them (you're afraid to use it, but don't want to throw it away because one day you might need it). The video was some odd, YouTube-esque cartoon that mused about nothing in particular, then it ended with some random credits, followed by pure silence while personal pictures of the person who sent the video began being displayed in an automatic slide show of some sort. I kept fearing that a pornographic picture would cap it all off, but thankfully/sadly it was just camera phone style pics of them doing daily life.

The second problem was that the video intended for that moment got washed away in the process of it all. That one brought us deeper into the Scripture we'd be studying that day... somehow I know it did, even though (because it was a dream) I can't tell you what it was. But whenever we use a video in our services it's with intentionality - to either provoke a thought, raise a question, help someone identify with the topic at hand (or vice-versa, help build a bridge into their lives), or make us laugh about something we need to laugh about (laughter is way overrated). We stay away from all the cutesy Christian videos that preach tradition and fear with cheesy solutions that don't practically play out in real life, because everyone knows they have no value... right?

Oh, and the third thing wrong with this moment? Well, I sort of misspoke - the video wasn't being projected onto the movie screen. Rather, it was being projected where the screen should have been. For some reason a large movie screen curtain was sort of covering the whole screen area, and so this lame video was being projected right onto textured, fluffy, foo-foo fabric.

I remember needing to sit down in the dream... to find an aisle somewhere... so I could scream. We were doing an awful thing (I thought and felt and feared), for someone who had come to service that day had to be thinking, "These people are so messed up that they can't even operate A/V equipment properly. Now I have my reason to give up on church and God and heaven and all of that." I'd broken an overly spoken, unspoken rule that my type-AAA church background had tried to drill into my type-B personality - you don't create a bad first impression, because everyone knows people won't come back if you do... right?

Keep in mind, I don't really believe that is always true but I do know that it is important to give your best swing at everything when lives and souls are on the line.

Here's where it gets real interesting, though.

Just at the point in my dream when I'm about to explode in exasperation, I start laughing. Hard... out loud... deliriously. Not because I've lost my mind, but rather the opposite. As I look down at the screen (stadium seating, and all) I see one of our staff guys - our worship leader - jumping up with all of his might to grab high for the string that pulls the curtain open. For some reason, though, the curtain doesn't open to the side or have an automatic mechanism to make it move - instead, it opens up like a window blind might. And so as he jumps up and down trying to pull the cord, this large movie screen curtain keeps going up and down with him... up and down... up and down... while the slide show cavalcade continues, again, in pure silence.

Except for the sound of the curtain going up and down. It even sounds like a cheap window blind, in fact.

The best part was the look on his face. He was actually smiling while he did it, as if somehow in the midst of all of this chaos he realized, "Yeah, we messed this up. But so what? Let's fix it and not worry about what we can't worry about." He got that from me, I think... because I often say that when things go wrong.

Because everyone knows things go wrong a lot when it comes to church life. Whether it's the things that do or don't happen in service that become mental splinters to anyone who cares the phone calls that don't get made when someone is in crisis (leaving them feeling alone), a human community handling Divine things will always fall short of perfection. Watching our worship leader enjoy swinging around one the curtain ropes to try to get them to cooperate was such an amazing symbol of that truth.

As I sank into my stadium seating, fluffy high back theater chair in my dream and watched it all, I felt as if I'd woken up.

And that's when I actually did.

------

This is simply me dumping out my dream over the course of 40 minutes, because I knew there was something in here I needed to pay attention to.

On one hand this can be a parable about what matters and doesn't matter in church world. As I hinted at earlier, I came to Jesus in an environment that valued goals, trackable data, above-the-waterline leadership, and excellence in effort. After all, we're talking about people's eternal destinies and that certainly demands our absolute best. Keep in mind my natural DNA that valued relationships, process, below-the-waterline integrity, and faithfulness in ministry... so I feel I walk around with a decent toolbox that is at God's disposal.

But really, it isn't about church world.

It's about that thought - "because everyone knows." If you've ever thought or said that, you've expected that the people in your life see, understand, and value the things you see, understand, and value just as you do.

Maybe it's how a house is supposed to be cleaned, "because everyone knows" you do a certain way. Or how a meal is to be prepared, "because everyone knows" you cook it at this temperature with these ingredients... and not at that temperature with those ingredients. It might even be how a husband and wife relate to one another intimately, "because everyone knows" what is considered acceptable versus profane in the bedroom.

What is ironic is that when we occasionally do recognize "because everyone knows" that no one knows the same thing, we use it as an excuse to not do the things that we really are supposed to know.

Think about that a moment.

In my dream and in my life, I hope that others see, understand, and value the things I do. I believe that "lost" and "found" people matter to God and that they are finicky people... so if by chance they are willing to let someone into their lives to share insights and challenges from the Lord that those opportunities shouldn't be treated lightly. Such "challengers" or "teachers" or "leaders" or "fellow believers" need to call them when they will receive phone calls from us, study together when they will study with us, empower them when they will be empowered by us, and rebuke them when they will receive rebuking from us (you know, we all need a little rebuking from time to time - even though we hate it when it happens - as long as it's done in pure love).

So when I feel like those things that seem so "obvious" to me aren't as valued in the people around me, I start to pace around in my head and feel my heart develop a chaotic rhythm. "Don't they get it?" I want to scream? Only I don't scream, because everyone knows that if you scream you run the risk of making people angry, and you don't want to get people angry because everyone knows angry people shut down lines of communication and you won't be able to talk with them about the stuff that matters most.

Hopefully by now the application and analogy is clear to you. And if for some reason it isn't, just pay attention to those moments when you also want to scream "Grow up!" and "Don't you people get it!" and "Come on already, stop living so selfishly and see the BIG PICTURE here!" Is it possible that you are holding people to your standards instead of their own?

And if it is a standard they should hold to (or say that they do, but they don't seem to live it out) is it possible for you to be the smiling fool on the curtain strings, helping them glimpse at how there is a better way than just sitting in front of the closed curtain that they've chosen to be silent spectators of?

"With a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last. The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom." (Matthew 15:37-38)

"...whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away." (2 Corinthians 3:16)

Because everyone knows what that means, it's time for me to try to go back to bed.

some hindsight on growing up

My good friend Tim Schmoyer has a rather amazing blog dedicated to helping youth workers succeed. Recently he posted a piece I wrote specifically for that site... thanks, Tim.

http://timschmoyer.com/2008/10/16/veteran-youth-ministry-advice-grow-up/

spreading some love

I'm guest blogging over at the new YS Blog.

Hope you can come on by!

CLICK HERE

a quote i said amen to today

Back when I was in one of my early churches I served in professionally, I was asked to fill out my first yearly denominational report. This was the first time I ever faced the (now infamous) question, "# of conversions" (or something to that effect).

I didn't know what to do... I didn't realize I was supposed to be counting all year long. Nobody told me, and so I asked my boss. He said he didn't know his numbers either and usually made up a number. Later I heard that many other pastors did the same, which kind of made me wonder about the whole thing to begin with.

It's a funny business filling out such things. You don't mean to, but tyour humanness begins to wonder, "Will my paycheck get bigger or smaller if the number was bigger or smaller?" Because apparently this was important enough to be on a denominational report, so obviously it was important... right?

Without knowing it, that question put me on a journey of asking why we track such things - does a number really tell us anything?

• Am I counting how many men's are raised at the end of a service or the one man who decides he's no longer going to raise a hand to his family in anger?
• Should I keep track of the numbers that come forward for an altar call or the woman who decides that she's going to stop being forward in how she flirts with her neighbor?
• Is there anything to be learned from a box checked on a card after service or should I be looking into whether or not those two teenagers have asked God to check their relationship with one another?

So I began bucking the system - when I was asked to state monthly how many "house calls" I'd made, I instead wrote down how many "one-on-one" conversations I'd had with people in any environment. When they asked me to state the number of people at a special event at a high school, I included anyone at the place - including the janitor who had to listen to us talk about Jesus while he waited to clean the gym. I never inflated numbers, but I definitely thought holistically about it.

This didn't always work, though. In one church I was looked at as a failure when numbers dropped during the summer that we moved out of one building and into another, even though for three months we had to meet in a backyard, under a tent, and in a building without electricity... at night. In another church, I had lots and lots of stories of life change - only they were all my stories... I wasn't raising up others to do the ministry and was doing it all myself.

Maybe that's why today when I read this I said "AMEN!"

"Stop counting conversions, because our whole approach to conversion is so, I don't know, mechanistic and consumeristic and individualistic and controlling. Instead, I'd encourage us to count conversations, because conversation implies a real relationship, and if we make our goal to establish relationships and engage conversations, I know that conversions will happen. But if we keep trying to convert people, we'll simply drive them away. They're sick of our sales pitches and our formulas." - from A New Kind Of Christian

And maybe that's why on our web site FAQ section we have this:

Q: How big is the church?

A: We honestly don't know how many people are a part of Connection Church because we intentionally don't keep count. We do this because people matter more to us than programs, and stories of life change matter more to us than mere church attendance. We kind of like doing things that promote the Almighty Name of Jesus Christ without our church ever getting any credit... because at the end of the day we're more concerned about His glory than our own.

Of course, if you pressed us on how big Connection Church is, we'd tell you that our church size is "healthy." If you pressed even further, we might disclose that we are as big as God's Church and as small as the needs right in front of us.

And if you kept pressing for a number, we'd finally tell you the
number "ONE" matters most to us... because there is always one more person to introduce to Jesus Christ, and always one more fellow Christ-follower to encourage, and always one more step we all can take with Jesus.

By the way, thanks for reading this. You are visitor number 40,107 to this web page.

emergent questions - pt 1

A friend of mine who is also in pro-min (that's my new short way of saying professional ministry, but since I had to explain it I really lost any need to be witty, didn't I?) recently emailed me this query:

Hey Tony! How is all over there in church planting land?

I have been thinking, reading and discussing the emergent church stuff lately... With your contact with some from the movement, can I shoot you some questions? I will take that as a yes...because of the long pause :-)

With all the "postmodern" thinking and theological bent, I understand all the arguments for epistemology "beyond foundationalism" etc. but aren't there some certainties in our theology? I get the feeling that those in the E-Village do not want to nail down some doctrines of the faith based on Biblical and Historical roots. Specifically in regards to Jesus being the only way to have eternal life or the Scriptures being inspired and without error. Is universalism an option for Tony Jones, Brian McLaren etc.?

I have appreciated many of their thoughts about justice, the Kingdom, inclusion and love, but is it at the cost of Truth and Doctrines? Have many of the great theologians of the past been wrong all this time? What is your take on all of it?

Thanks man. I value your wisdom.

Ah... here's where the rubber meets the road for me, isn't it?

Let's start with some personal history.

• I grew up loosely Catholic, bordering on atheism for several seasons of high school. Then I got slammed by grace when Jesus Christ allowed me to encounter him during my junior year. Through a process, I came to place my faith in Him because of a rather innovative church who spoke concrete Truth into my life in a way that was absolutely relevant and refreshing.
  
  
• After high school, I wrestled with a call to pro-min because I knew squat about God and the Bible compared to everyone else. I realized, though, that in such matches the Lord has a way of winning (lest you walk away with a limp). It took me a year, and I finally gave in... which meant (given my personality) that I was intentionally enlarging my capacity to sponge up everything that I could about God, the Bible, theology, church history, contemporary methodology, shepherding others, and loving people with the kind of love Jesus demonstrated and the Holy Spirit has empowered me for.
  
  
• My first experience in ministry was at the aforementioned church, which has always been something I look back on with excessive gratefulness. Although I would eventually figure out the educational side of all of this, those initial years out of high school for me were beyond formative... because of the church's capacity and its integrity among national and international ministries, it was like hoping you're going to be a reporter and then getting a job at the Chicago Tribune or the New York Times. Simply by rubbing shoulders with the people I rubbed shoulders with, God chiseled things into me and out of me that I'd have to beg for in any other context.
  
  I took a job as a third shift janitor at the church, which took things a step further - for I was able to study the habits of the pastors I looked up to... I hate to admit it, but you learn a lot about a guy by cleaning up his office. Add to that eight hours every night of listening to audio teaching from the Bible on every topic imaginable and I was morphing around the clock.
  
  
• Finally, school... I needed to settle that issue as well as matters of ordination. To answer both, I jumped into a denomination that helped me take the next steps of processing theology with an anchor of common agreement. I noticed, though, that because I didn't grow up in that denomination I had a wider-eyed view of what it was teaching than those who seemed to be working up the ranks of the system. No matter, though, for no system is perfect and yet God chooses to use any theological system that attempts to root itself in the Bible as a complementary tool to keep us ever hearing but never understanding, not to mention ever seeing but never perceiving.
  
  Every one of us should have a "lover's quarrel" with whatever theological system we're in - "lover" to be a proponent of its motives, and "quarrel" to be sure that its conclusions are God-sized and not human-sized.
  
  
• One blessing school afforded me was a study trip to Israel after graduation. This was a scholarship I'd been nominated for, which basically meant all I had to worry about was food and incidentals. My wife and I had been married two years at this point, and someone paid for her to go as well... which is a trip neither of us could have even imagined we could take part in ever. Somewhere in between climbing Mount Masada and standing on the first-century cobblestones of the cell Jesus was beaten in, I resolved that whatever ministry I would be involved in would be God's. Perhaps this is to be assumed of every pastor, but what it meant for me is that I would continue to ask a simple question with complex application every day of my life - "Is whatever this is (i.e. this church, this theology, this idea, etc) of God or man?"
  
  We'll come back to that question later.
  
  
• At some point in my journey, I started to question if the modern approach to ministry was all there is... is the concrete teaching it offered (i.e. "The Bible says it, that settles it") our only tool to share redemptive love and transformation? Should we debate people into the Kingdom and jeer at their "idiocy" if they believe anything other than what we do? Is giving people "fill in the blank" outlines really the best way they learn? Might there be a better goal than getting people to become faithful attenders of church things? Is Christian music really better than non-Christian music... and what makes music "Christian," anyway?
  
  I asked questions like this for I noticed that most people around me wanted to "wash, rinse, and repeat" what had "worked" for many years than generate and invest the spiritual calories required to remain authentic and useful in a changing world. This was a problem, for what reached out to people in my generation wasn't connecting as it once did with the emerging one.
  
  And as a side note, the word "emerging" isn't a bad word - it's an indicative word that describes "what's next," whether we like it or not, based on certain catalysts that bring it about.
  
  Also, please note that all of this this was a question of methodology - not theology.
  
  
• Around this time I had struck up some friendships with some people who were asking similar questions. I was immesely thankful for the conversation, and especially grateful that we could engage in such talks about methodology that helped us ask risky questions about our theology.
  
  I know, I know... hang with me.
  
  Jesus said that the fruit of a tree tells us something about the tree, so it stands to reason that if our methods need examination that we should equally examine what led us there in the first place. For instance, there is a great discussion right now on another blog about the role fear plays in trying to convert someone... should it? If you read the comments on that blog you will quickly find that it's more a theological question than a methodological one.
  
  So maybe the question isn't "Should we question our theology?" - maybe the question is "Why shouldn't we?" or "What does our reluctance to do so reveal?" I think sometimes we secure ourselves to creeds more than we do to Christ... which is perhaps why Jesus once told a rather theological young man that he was "not far from the Kingdom of God." I wonder if that guy took it as a compliment... when it was in the same breath a declaration that he wasn't yet over that line.
  
  In simple terms, it's easier to become a "follower of followers of Christ" than it is to follow Christ.
  
  
• Finally, those conversations took on life... for we weren't just talking about the "how to" but the "why to." Isn't that what's most important? For whatever reason, most of my peers in ministry wanted to figure God out by copying and pasting creeds from the denomination, statements of faith from another church, or the conclusions of historical Christians.
  
  I am careful in saying that by quickly following it up with this disclaimer - I support this effort, as long as we don't put periods at the end of such creeds, statements of faith, or church father conclusions.
  
  Isn't the point to instead honor their theological sweat with some of our own that continues the journey? Or should we just inherit our the "family business" and never innovate... take it into the next century... rethink the methods of how we go about it and the ideas that got us into it in the first place?
  
  Lest we end up attempting to treat real diseases with Coca-Cola instead of Penicillin?

This was refreshing.

At least... for a while.

More to come.

becoming that guy

There is a guy I don't want to become.

Today, though, I realized I'm one step closer to becoming "that guy."


"That guy" is many things, and for many reasons I don't want to become him.

• That guy uses people and loves things... instead of loving people and using things.
• That guy doesn't want to fail because it will make him look bad... which ironically makes him fail because of that.
• That guy works hard because no one else will... and that only makes the cycle grow worse.
• That guy counts people because he believes numbers matter... not realizing that in doing so you communicate that attendance is the greatest value.
• That guy teaches the Bible... instead of living the Bible.

And so on.

Obviously, I don't want to be that guy. And yet I am one step closer today to becoming him.

To be clear, I mean to say that I am one step closer to becoming a guy who will become all the more tempted to be "that guy."

You see today I realized that I have to make some big decisions regarding how far I will go down the rabbit hole God has dug for me. This will require me to learn things that are outside my sphere of knowledge, not to mention becoming someone who thinks more responsibly about lots of other things.

In short, it requires a fresh streak of maturation...

which some might call increased professionalism...

and increased profesionalism could be called a "CEO" mentality...

and a CEO "mentality" could lead me to become "that guy."

Are you tracking?

Because while I want to dive down the rabbit hole, I don't want to become "that guy."

leadership leanings

A friend of mine sent me a questionairre at the end of last year that I had fun filling out. No, this isn't one of those snarky chain-email surveys. Rather, it is about the way one leads in a ministry environment. The fun part was articulating things that often come naturally, so please allow me to share. I'd welcome your feedback.

At your place of employment tell me what your role is and how many employees or volunteers that you have under your supervision?

• Lead pastor. I serve six paid staff and through them the many volunteers that make up our church.

What is your leadership structure for your ministry?

• God-led, pastoral-guided, church-empowered.
  

List three things you want to accomplish the first day in the office?

• Establish a prayer base, connect with leaders, realize and maximize my sphere of influence to reach out to the lost.
  

Outline your process on how you recruit leaders to be a part of your team?

• I don't. Instead, I sit down with people and listen to what's happening in their hearts. Then I ask them how I can serve them in letting that vision become a reality. On rare occasions I will ask people to do something that needs to be done, but only after I've first heard their heart to know if it's a match.
  

What are the forms of communication you utilize with your team?

• Weekly staff meeting, daily emails to staff, weekly email to the church, encouraging text messaging to subscribers, cell phone calls throughout the day.
  

What events do you do with your team of leaders?

• Lots of missional activities that bless the community, whether or not it tracks back to us. We also try to have our families get together every few months for fun.
  

Do you have a detailed plan on how you develop your leaders?

• Yes. This hasn't been in place in past years, and so this is the year I'm developing the leaders under my care and teaching them how to develop those under them. I believe next year will take it to the next level, and we've already done some formal leadership connections to help with this. Essentially, I use Ken Blanchard's "Situational Leadership" model as a guideline, but ultimately follow the Holy Spirit.
  

In your eyes what is the perfect leader on your team? Who would you say models a great leader?

• A perfect leader is someone who is trying to bring out the best in the team as a whole. We're not looking for a staff of track and field types where we applaud each other's events from the stands. Rather, we're more like a baseball team and do our best to work together for the same things. Every person brings something special to this, from the logic-minded number cruncher to the wiseguy worship leader.
  

Outline an agenda for a leaders meeting?

• Chit-chat before meeting (if this isn't happening, something is wrong). Then, start meeting off with something fun (from an icebreaker to a stand-up comic clip on YouTube). After this we go through our agenda in a bullet format, then begin to dig into it one step at a time. We always start with review of where we're at, then talk about present issues to better determine where we're going, and then let where we're going better examine present issues.
  

What expectations do you have for your ministry leaders?

• In order, love for God, love for spouse, love for family, love for the church. This involves being a self-starter, developing relationships with the lost/saved/leaders, reconcicling with anyone they have issues with, and becoming a growing expert in their area. Authenticity, loyalty, and a sense of humor a must.
  

Do you have a leadership contract that you make your leaders sign? Please include a copy of your leadership contract.

• Not yet. We do revisit job descriptions yearly, though.
  

Is leadership evaluation done on an ongoing basis or at schedule intervals?

• I meet with my staff collectively on a weekly basis, then also meet with them 2x a month one-on-one to develop them personally and professionally. Every three months we set goals and evaluate previous ones.
  

How do you keep leaders accountable and hold them to their commitment they made to your ministry?

• I hang out with them... relationships inspire loyalty.
  

If you could give me three points of wisdom that I need to know about building a team, what would that advice be?

• Assist others, then assist others, then assist others. In doing so the pressure to be a visionary leader will be trumped by the authenticity of being a leader of visions.
  

What are three pitfalls that you have come across on your leadership journey?

• Insecure people have loud voices, past leaders you've replaced have credibility you don't, and without a strict Sabbath you will die.

and now from the other side of my brain...

I'm often asked (as I was a few times this week) how I prepare for a Sunday. Since I'm a lead pastor and all, most people know that I will sharing a message the majority of the weekends out of a year and I think they're curious as to the process that goes into making that happen. I take that as a compliment... or maybe a hint I should be doing better... not sure.

The answer I give is all of the things you'd probably expect... lots of prayer, advance planning, Bible study, counterintuitive debate with myself (to be sure what I'm going to say is valid), and so on. I have my messages benchmarked out for several months and then in the weeks leading up to a particular Sunday hone in on the core concepts God's laid on my heart.

That takes a lot of brain work from a person.


Still with me?


Okay... the reason I share that is so that you may better understand why today in the midst of final prep for tomorrow I couldn't help but think of a stubborn memory I have from the 80's. I'm sorry to say that YouTube has captured it in all its pitiful glory, and so I know pass this "slice of nothing" from my brain to yours so that I can move back to heavy theological ponderings about the eschatology of theological eschatologies.



My sincerest apologies.

By the way - bonus points if you remember the Saturday morning cartoon show that featured these fellas.

prayers for 2008

Taking a cue from the challenge I just posted about, here are my prayers for 2008...

Dear God –

• Cause me to be uncomfortable with comfort.
• Create in me a love for those I say I love but don't show love to.
• Kick my tail when I think "someone else will do it."
• Deepen my understanding of You and my obedience to You.
• Help me to lead a person to You everyday, and then please do Your thing.
• Show me how to help Christians around me become fully-devoted disciples.
• Protect the relationships in my household with Your sticky bond of love.
• And (gulp) bless me and your Church in the new year according to our faithfulness to You!

As this plays out...

For myself…

• May my heart become pure… that I might fall completely in love with my You.
• May my mind become redeemed… that I might become completely in tune with Truth.
• May my soul become navigational… that I might completely live out of a Divine overflow.
• May my body become healthier… that I might completely live out the fullness of my years.

For my wife…

• May her love for You deepen each day and contagiously bless others.
• May her mind be a place full of wisdom and wonder that supplies the words she speaks.
• May her worship of You be complete – from the everyday moments to the special ones.
• May her health increase in all the right ways as we enjoy growing old together.

For my boys…

• May their individual passions develop in ways that add to Your kingdom/world and their lives.
• May their thought lives be shaped by Your hand and Your hand alone.
• May their relationship with You remain powerfully innocent and ripple into their generation.
• May their physical lives be directed by their spiritual lives (and not vice-versa).

For Connection Church…

• May I be a servant-leader who is faithful to the tilt, inspiring the lead team to do the same.
• May you raise up more leaders who can take on roles that will help us fulfill Your vision.
• May new faces be celebrated, salvations occur daily, discipleship happen constantly, relationships deepen always, finances overflow regularly, volunteers be available constantly, and everyone fulfill their calling completely.
• May we more fully reveal what it means to BE the Church.

For the world…

• May Medina become a place where the next great spiritual awakening occurs.
• May Ohio become filled with new Christians and guided by seasoned ones.
• May America elect a President who listens to You, lives for You, and will follow Your ideals publicly and privately.
• May the world finally collide with heaven so that we can all see You face to face again.

free vids

If you're in church ministry, there's a pretty cool thing happening via Worship House Media. On their web site, they are giving away free videos everyday until Christmas - so far they've been quality links... you could always download and bank up what you don't use for later.

Here's the link: http://www.worshiphousemedia.com/

nywc: atlanta - day two, part 3

First, an observation:

Top Ten Things heard after Shane Claiborne's talk tonight: (not really, but really)

• "I didn't pay to hear the Bible at this conference."



• "Is he going to come back in a minute and do some more fire stuff? I've seen Hulk Hogan leave and come back before."



• "Um..." (thought bubble: "I know that the Bible is the ultimate sermon and all but I, well... can I even go where I want to go with this for a minute?")



• "How bout them pants on dat guy?"



• "How come we didn't do the 'thine is the kingdom' thing during the Lord's prayer? Shouldn't we do it like Jesus did?"



• "I'm totally doing that every week! That's exactly what the Rabbis taught their Qui-Gon-Sefer Talmuds to do on the Day of Atonement in the early church... the early church rocks. Let's go get some pizza."
  
  
• "Did you see that guy's hair? Total weave."



• "Hey... did you guys see my bag of free hacky sacks? Seriously... don't mess with me on this."



• "Marko's going to get another email from Andy Stanley in about a year."



• "That took guts."

Now, an overview...

• Darren Streblow (comedian): I like this guy a lot... seemed a bit mechanical tonight, though. Not bad for a warm-up.
  
  
• Third Day (music): There was a time in my life when I think Third Day was my favorite band. I still have those CDs, but now they're more a band I can listen to. Or so I thought... once they cranked up some of their older tunes - the ones I still own - I found myself compelled to join in.
  
  
• Curt Cloninger (drama): Haven't seen Curt in a few years... this guy gets better with age. I was really impressed by the vocal mannerisms he gave his character tonight. It takes a lot of skill for a skilled speaker to intentionally speak without skill.
  
  
• Joe Castillo (narrative sand art): Amazing again... good choice of background music, but a shade too loud.
  
  
• Desperation Band (lead worshippers): Okay... I officially like these guys.
  
  
• Shane Claiborne (speaker): In case you missed it, Shane did a standard intro, then played around with fire eating and did a backflip to emphasize all he "could" do at a YS convention. Then he went on to read the Sermon on the Mount... all of it... then the rest of all of it... then all of it some more... and the last all of it... and then the end of all of it... and then all of it.
  
  You could feel the room's constipation.
  
  Then he said "This is the greatest sermon ever preached," and walked off the stage.
  
  Tic Long came up and played the role I've played before when you bring in a band or speaker to an event and they're not what you expected. "How do I tidy this up?" we ask. Granted, Tic did it in such a way that you didn't feel much of that. But for those who needed a modern conclusion to a postmodern presentation, it fit nicely.
  
  This is a great trick Shane pulled out of his pocket, but you only get so many of them as a speaker. If you decide one week, for instance, to "not show up" to you speaking gig/sermon/talk to make people feel uncomfortable, you can't do it again the next time, and the next time, and the next time. Winston Chuchhill's infamous "NEVER GIVE UP" speech only goes over well once.
  
  Did Shane make his point? Will people talk about the value of living out what we already know instead of demanding more?
  
  You did read this blog thus far, did you not?

awe-some

So first, last week I was "in awe of God..."

then over the weekend, I found myself "still in awe of God..."

As of tonight?

Tonight I realized He's even bigger than I thought, and so now I am "picking my jaw up off the floor because I am beyond being in awe of God but am notably even more aware how small I am in the glimpse of how large He continues to be and yet stoops down to leave breadcrumb trails for me to follow into something absolutely amazing and already these words are falling short so I should just stop now and hopefully say nothing more to ruin the purity of this moment."

And that's all I have to say about that.

reviewing sabbath: a beautiful mess

Yesterday I enjoyed a great lunch with some local pastors... guys from different denominational backgrounds who all follow Jesus Christ. There's something quite beautiful about gathering together around some unspoken essentials in order to breathe some fresh breath into our local effort of revealing Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of God. Sometimes I think this sort of intentional bridge-building is one of the only ways the spiritual soil in our region can stay fertile, which is one reason I'm firmly committed to this relationship.

Well, that and the amazing mushroom, steak, and cheese sub I order from the restaurant we meet in. (Da-rool, da-rool.)

As we spoke, the subject of conflict came up from one of my pastor friends. Without sharing details, it's fair to say that he is in the midst of some with a fellow Christian leader. There was absolute anguish in his spirit over it, especially since from his vantage point he is trying to be kind and loving in his approach... and yet he faces this kind of awkward tension right back at him. I identified with his journey and heartache on this, since I've also experienced this over the years in ways I didn't ask for.

A good guy experiencing some hard stuff.

Which brings me around to a chat my wife and I were having about Lot's wife.

With the coming of dawn, the angels urged Lot, saying, "Hurry! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away when the city is punished." When he hesitated, the men grasped his hand and the hands of his wife and of his two daughters and led them safely out of the city, for the LORD was merciful to them. As soon as they had brought them out, one of them said, "Flee for your lives! Don't look back, and don't stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away!"

But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. (Genesis 19:15-17, 26)

My wife and I spoke about this passage together last week, specifically talking about this last verse. There are times where it seems as though God is quite the harsh disciplinarian, while other times He comes across as a peace-love hippie from the 60's. My thinking, though, is that in this passage He is both - just as He is always both. While our eyes may drift toward the pillar of salt ("I mean, come on - a PILLAR OF SALT?"), we miss out on the initial mercy He offered to Lot and his family (who shouldn't have been living where they were living to begin with).

This is where our sense of completely understanding the supernatural tends to starts to erode.

Truth is both poetic and rational, which means that God is like wind - while we can't see it with the naked eye we know it's true and can certainly see the effects of it. Occasionally when it gathers up the dust of the earth we can make out a shape, just as when God blows into the dust of the earth He can reveal His presence to even the blind.

Unfortunately, to hold truth (or anything for that matter) in tension means that we lose control over it. I'm finding that not to many people are comfortable with this, and yet it still remains true. We can only understand the supranatural (yes, that's spelled right) truths of God to some point, and then we either have to admit that it's bigger than explanation or else we have to convince ourselves and everyone around us that "it's actually quite easy to understand, and you should, too."

I like how Rick McKinley (who pastors Imago Dei) puts this in his amazing book "This Beautiful Mess: Practicing The Presence Of The Kingdom Of God":

I love studying theology, but I've noticed that theology has little tolerance for loose ends. As the study of God, it mostly uses human tools like logic and interpretation and systems to define Him and how He works in our lives. Countless brilliant women and men have written penetrating works that help us think more clearly about God. They give us a rich theological heritage, and I encourage you to read them.

But be careful. You can study God expertly in His parts and miss Him entirely in His Being. Sometimes I think today's evangelicals have dissected God, put Him in jars, labeled all His parts, and then breathed a sigh of relief. Whew. Job done, they gasp. Now we have no more confusion about God. Now we have a God we can market. At least now we can be excruciatingly confident that "our team" is right.

As right as body parts in formaldehyde.

I've found that theology, especially the systematic kind, becomes more helpful when you think of it as grammar. Grammar helps us read and write, but it can't on its own give us one memorable sentence. That's because grammar is a tool, not an end in itself. Meaningful communication is the end Communication like, say, poetry. Yes, your grammar helps you understand and experience a poem. But just when you're getting comfortable, a good poet will break a language rule, turn an image inside out, give you slip, send you falling.

And there's nothing you can say in response but, Hmm, good poem. I felt those words.

The rest of the book rocks out a rather refreshing challenge about Christ's message of the Kingdom of God and what that all really means. When most of us think of the "Kingdom of God" we think of pearly gates, golden streets, cast down crowns, and eternal peace. Yet Jesus use language to talk about what the Kingdom of God "is" and not just what it "will be" - which means there is a present and future context to it all.

Which can mess with your theology if you prefer one over the other.

Yet here it is... a beautiful mess of tension. Once you see this in one place you begin to see it everywhere. At the very moment Jesus died on the cross God shouted no and yes at the same time... when Saul/Paul cried out in blindness, it was the first time he would see. Then there's the Incarnation... the Trinity... salvation... being seated in the heavenlies while also being on earth... crazy stuff.

So perhaps if our theology can accept the tension of the known and the unknown, then maybe whatever is ahead in the broken, beautiful, ugly, forgiven, sinful, awesome world might just be possible... with God, that is.

Which is something I've become more in tune with through my Sabbatical.

British Scientist John Haldane has been quoted saying “My own suspicion is that not only is the universe queerer than we suppose, it is queerer than we can suppose.” I love it when British guys use words like "queerer," but really I suspect that he's on to something.

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9b)

So while I'm becoming more attuned to the theological tensions that practically pop their heads into my life like unwanted gophers, I am aware through at least three different conversations last week that whenever you proclaim such things you make other people uncomfortable.

Realizing an insight from your journey with God that involves tension can create division if you share it out loud.

To paraphrase some great advice I was once given...

You will lose friends, constantly disappoint the people around you who don't get it and find that ultimately only a few people can truly be trusted with the authenticity of your journey.

People might say really, really unkind things about you...

and it is the best possible way to live.


What a beautiful mess.

More in the next post.

reviewing sabbath: aw, crackers

It's been said that familiarity breeds contempt.

It's my opinion that familiarity breeds unfamiliarity.

I found this to be true all throughout my Sabbatical... everything that I thought would trigger me into some kind of magical sweet spot with God seemed like old crackers in the pantry - you're looking for something substantial to eat but can't seem to find it, while all along there's this box of Saltines making some sort of statement right at your face.

"Not a chance," you say to it. "I'd rather eat some cheap Ramen Noodles, and that's not even what I'm looking for here."

And so the crackers nod your way as you close the cabinet, as if to say, "That's fine, but you'll be back."

I'm sure I've probably lost you by now.

Let me start over, then.

I'd hoped that these past 8 days would provide me with some sort of special insight into the heart of God, myself, my marriage, my sons, God's Church that I serve in/through, the world at large, and the grand scheme of eternity. Tall order, I know, and I think I've been around the block enough to know that I shouldn't expect all of that to happen... even if I did hope. After all, there is that great promise in the Bible from James 4:8, "Come near to God and He will come near to you."

It's actually a big deal.

I don't know how this is going to sound, but I have over this past year had a kind of blurry glimpse of "something" from God... "something" that is absolutely amazing, and big, and crazy, and out of my control, and... well, God sized.

And God is pretty big.

I say this with all kinds of cautious, holy fear because I don't want to even start to guess what it is that lies ahead. But I do know this... by the absurd grace of the Lord, I'm in an amazing church of people who seem to falling more in love with Jesus Christ and what it means to live out our faith in the everyday. Then there are these two young boys in my house whom I get to walk with and show what godly manhood means one baby step at a time. Doing life with me in all of this is my amazing bride, through whom I've understood more about the love Christ has for His Church.

Then there's God and me... me and God. Somehow ate He got me back in my later days of high school and saved me... and I've never been the same since.

The ground here is very rich, the pay is an undeserved blessing for such a task, and I have found amazing support from the religious community.

So who knows what's ahead?

And if it is indeed God-sized, how might I prepare for that?

Over the years I've had my share of big things through small people that have tried to wear me down. Then there's the regular stuff that comes in and out of life through phone calls, letters, and emails. Even this past week I experienced an unexpected helping of the "little foxes" that attempt to spoil the vineyard.

First I was angry about it, finding that I couldn't quite get on top of it all the first part of this whole week. "C'mon, God," I'd say in my prayers, "You know that I'm doing this for You so what's with all the stale crackers? Where's my meat and potato moment?"

Then I had a great realization... through a chat with my wife, then another with my oldest son, and one with my younger son, too.

I began to ask a different question.

"God," I humbly began, "is this opposition part of what you want to prepare me for? Is what is ahead so important than you want me to build some muscles for it now?"

Now that's a scary question.

More in the next post.

The Israelites ate manna forty years, until they came to a land that was settled; they ate manna until they reached the border of Canaan. (Exodus 16:35)

Selah.