a few reasons facebook can rock... and stink

I've been a Facebook user for a while now, and over the years I've enjoyed the way my network of conversations has grown - be it people I invited who responded to those who were already on (or would have been eventually).  There have been a few things I've noted, though, on both the upside and downside of Facebook.  Maybe you can identify with these reason why Facebook rocks... and stinks.

Why Facebook can stink:

• Missing updates: The larger your online network (or "friends," as Facebook calls them) grows, the less you keep track of everyone's updates.  Throw in the other stuff on Facebook, too - notes, contest entries, and so on - and it's easy to feel off with someone because you didn't know about a situation they've written a few updates about (and slipped under your radar).  Case in point, I had to apologize to two people last month who thought I was ignoring what they were going through.  There are ways to make sure you catch certain people more than other people, but even then it can still be difficult to catch it all.
  
   
• The delete button: I recently had a real deep chat with someone on Facebook and the conversation happened to get passionate and emotional on their end... pure sass.  I responded back by pointing out something they were being intentionally blind to, and I believe with all sincerity that I handled it appropriately.  Specifically, I mean I spent a good chunk of time putting together a solid thought that I knew they needed to consider. The next day it was deleted... not just the comment, but the whole conversation... as if deleting it deleted the need to address it.  I wish I could say that's only happened once, but it hasn't.  People would rather pretend an awkward conversation never happened than actually have one to awkward completion.
  
  
• Unfriending and rejecting friend request: Have you ever been "unfriended" by someone on Facebook?  You may not know it because Facebook won't send you a notice when someone decided they no longer want to be connected to your life or have you connected to theirs.  Keep in mind, there are legitimate reasons to do it, but often it's one person's way of keeping another out of the loop on their lives... possibly because they were offended in some way (see the previous point). 

Why Facebook can rock:

• Creating a conversation for the next conversation: We all have people in our lives whom we know we'll see on certain days, but otherwise we wouldn't be connecting with them.  One of the reasons why my wife joined Facebook (after a long period of resisting) was she noted how on Sundays when our Church gathered that people seemed to be having conversations about other conversations they'd had all week... and she missed out on them.  Sort of like when you walk into a circle where someone just told a joke that made others laugh, and you have be the one who asks, "What's so funny?" I've really enjoyed how this online social network not only helps me stay in tune with people throughout the week, but how it also gives me things to talk with people when I see them in person.
  
  
• Amusing Intimacy: I am not a big fan of all the stuff you can get sucked into via Facebook, but I have enjoyed a few of the games I play with people where we trade stuff back and forth. For instance, I probably wouldn't normally play "Mafia Wars" but I like making connections with my dad, friends, and other family who play the game.  By taking part in such amusement we share an unspoken intimacy that says, "I'm still really alive, you're still really alive, and we touched base today... even if it was to share an imaginary dangerous weapon that will be used to defend your imaginary mafia family against imaginary attacks."
  
  
• Greater gauges: You know how sometimes people may act out in a way that is out of character with who you know them to be?  Facebook provides the chance to know the story behind that story... maybe there was a loss or a gain in their lives earlier that week that you can use as a context for figuring out why they are either atypically up or down.  Likewise, the greater my network has grown, the greater number of people I have telling me, "Hey, we might want to touch base with _____ because _____ happened this week."  So whether it's hanging out with someone online about their favorite TV show or learning why someone needs to blow off steam, Facebook has helped me stay better in tune with people.

How about you?  

Have you experienced any of these reasons?  Maybe others?

something new for me

Hey Friends - I'm just dropping you a quick line to let you know about something new I'm doing. It's a blog that is going to operate in a different direction than my usual one, and I want to invite you to be a part of the conversations.

You'll find it here: http://tonymyles.blogspot.com/

The premise is simple - so much of leadership (whether it's leadership in the home, workplace, or church) seems to be for "Type A" people. I've never fit that mold, but I do understand it. I'm hoping to take its best principles and shape them into something practical for "Type B" people. Hence, Type (B)eing Leadership.

Don't worry... this isn't a new thing I'm doing intending to book speaking engagements off of. It is what it is - and I hope it becomes something more. I have a lot of things stored up in me on this matter that I've been wondering if the right outlet could come along for it. So hopefully this is it - and I ask you for two simple favors.

• If the concept is intriguing, please spread the word. I know there are more people out there like me who feel the cookie cutter doesn't always fit.
  
• Please pop in on me for the next week on this site and comment - again, http://tonymyles.blogspot.com/

I will still maintain this blog and use it for personal stuff I'm processing, so hopefully I'll see you around both sites.

narnia

Saw Prince Caspian last night... I hope you enjoy it. The series of books it's based on rock.

I'm posting this, though, because in case you have some time to waste you might enjoy discovering what you'd like as a Narnian creature. If so, click here.

If you do it, link to your pic somehow in a response.

green software?

I was loading a program I downloaded from the internet the other day and read this.

I didn't realize software had gone green. And given it's the honor system, there's something rather interesting about that, too.

I wonder, though, what future stipulations we'll see on software:

• Feel free to use this software as you'd like for 30 days. If you keep it after that, though, we need you to look up a few of our old classmates from high school and (ahem) "send them a message," if you know what we mean.
  
  
• This software is provided for you free of charge. As long as you continue to watch The Oprah everyday.
  
  
• The program you're about to use is freeware. This means you don't have to pay anything for it, even though we spent time making it. That's right... we made it ourselves, just for you. So can we just get back together? It won't be like it was last time, baby. We promise.
  
  
• You're loading a program that is yours to keep forever. We want absolutely nothing in return. Except to sleep on your sofa when we're in town. And a bagel.
  
  
• Are you seriously that cheap that you can't pay five bucks for a free program? What kind of sick sicko are you, sicko? You know what? Fine. Just click on the icon to start this program, but know that if you do it's a sign you really, really, really need help. Go on. We dare you, you sick sicko.
  
  This message brought to you by 1-800-PSYCH-4-U. Only $19.99 for five minutes of counseling. Operators are standing by.

Um... yeah.

hey surfers

I was tipped off (thanks, Gman) that my blog is featured this week on the YS Update. For all I know, many of you may be reading this because of that. Note that I implied that I don't know because counters and blogs don't belong in the same place... there's my little existential stance for the day.

I write this, though, because while I'd love for you to read my stuff and comment here and there using words like "genius" and "amazing" and "free smoothie," I'd much rather ask you to click three more times and check out some up and coming bloggers that I enjoy doing life with:

• Ebs and Flows: Jon is new to blogging and I think is getting into it. He helps me think about things in sane ways... give him a shout out.



• Authentic: Brian is in the thick of college and working his way through life lessons along the way. Speak into his journey as you can.



• Tanner Ridge: Scott hasn't posted in a while... and he should. Give him a nudge.

Oh, and free smoothies are always welcome. Let me know if you need my mailing address.

you asked for it: nameless wisdom - pt 1

My good buddy G-Man wondered: Why some people choose to remain "Nameless." Even in the Bible there are people who do great things but not really a name.

There's a bit of an inside joke here you may not get. That said, this has to be a two-part response.

Back in 1996 when Al Gore was inventing surfing the internet a group of like-minded people got together in a thing called the "YS Listerve." This was essentially an email list that a bunch of youth pastors took part in, sponsored by the leading-edge minded folks at YouthSpecialties. The idea was that perhaps if we networked together using this new technology we could encourage each other's ministries, theology, hearts, and so on.

I was especially thankful for this new email list I could take part in with other guys in the trenches. In fact, one of my favorite things to do became on Tuesdays I would post a list of "freebies" - ideas I had been coming up with or had come across in ministry that people could use. Since so many of us seemed to be hanging onto our stuff to gain some sort of copyright symbol next to it, it seemed to make more sense.

Because the day when you crave a copyright symbol next to one of your ideas is the day you forget Who gave you idea in the first place.

This led to other guys doing regular stuff, too, like my buddy G-man and his Friday questions. As you can expect with such an untamed list at such an untamed time, though, things started off well but soon evolved into debates about speaking in tongues, predestination versus freewill, whether or not certain ministries were heretical or legitimate, how you could tell if someone was a "real Christian," and so on.

You know, stuff no one talks about anymore. But back then we did. Sometimes 50-75 emails about everything I cared about and everything I didn't would be waiting for me in my inbox. I tried breaking into the heated conversation at times, but sometimes when people make up their mind about a topic they tend to make up their mind about you... and then anything else I would post would always be filtered through a lens.

Have you ever had someone put a label on you just so they could feel more secure?

So in the midst of contributing as "Tony Myles," I started posting things under a second alias - "namelesspastor@hotmail.com," and my listed name was "Nobody Special."

I'd write about things the way I sometimes do on this blog... asking questions we shouldn't be afraid to ask (but often are), sharing thoughts that are often controversial - but not for the sake of being edgy just to be edgy but rather to simply provide a voice for the overlooked people and thoughts, and so on.

The beauty was that in using such a generic name and title as "namelesspastor" no one was able to discount my ideas and thoughts as they often would when I was Tony Myles. Instead of hearing, "Well, you're just young in ministry" or "That's because you're in the midwest and that doesn't fly around here" or "You're probably one of those _______ types" or "This is just like that one time you were closed-minded about..." or "I'm going to hit you now" - instead of all of that I'd offer a thought and put it out there, signing off with the tag "Nobody Special.

My favorite part of it all was when people started thinking I was a big name in the world of youth ministry... a minor Christian celebrity, if you will. The biggest assumption was that I was a guy named Mike Yaconelli who was (then) the big dog behind YouthSpecialties and a very amazing personality we all sort of looked up to. I even read an email on the listserve once about how a guy went up to Mike at a seminar he was at and kind of did a nod at him, saying, "I know who you are... thanks for being that anonymous Nobody Special on the listserve." Apparently Mike just winked at him, and the guy took that as "validation."

Then there was this time a bunch of the listserve people got together for a lunch at a convention. We hung out, took a picture, and even decided to "represent" Namelesspastor through an Oliver Hardy cardboard cut-out. Yeah... that's me on the right, in a picture with "me."

This went on for a while. I wrote about everything from "Whoopie Cushions, the Thing, and Hostess Cupcakes" to "Catholics and Mormons." In each post, I tried to stir up the pot... because, I reasoned, that was my right to do so" and somebody better do it, doggone it."

Hmm.

Over time my posts as "namelesspastor" began to move beyond just me. I'd allow friends of mine to vent their frustrations in ministry using that email address, which probably confused the informal guessing and investigation of who was behind all of this that much more. Nonetheless, that's how things went for quite some time.

Then one day we learned that the YS Listserve was shutting down... they were going to use this amazing new technology called "Message Boards" or something. Sounded too confusing. "These crazy people with their long hair and rock and roll music," I said, shaking my first.

So "Tony Myles" had one last email to the listserve. And while I did close it using my usual salutation of "T." I added something extra just before it.

*sigh*

Well, I don't know if I'm the only '96er still around, but it's been a great number of years following this list. I've moved around several email addresses since then, and a few churches as well (that'd be an interesting poll - how many churches have you been in since being on the list?)

I remember when there were enough people you could actually keep track of, to the monster it has become with conversations happening in thirty unique languages ("Dude..." "Bro..." "Man..." etc.)

I've been a debater who had the world figured out and would tell anyone who thought different how wrong they were; I've been a contributor who tried doing a weekly free stuff posting until I couldn't maintain it any longer; I've been a critic and ranter, with subtle attempts at misplaced humor and thought; I've been a lurker who pops out for occasional advice - to give and receive; I've been confused, and I've been fulfilled.

So in that this will be my final post to the list, I guess I wanted to say "Thanks for the memories."

Thanks for the challenges and the challengers; thanks for helping me to grow when I was wrong and for growing when you were wrong, too.

Thanks for giving me your phone number when I needed it and for remaining "Nameless" when it didn't matter.

Thanks for sitting at your computer and answering emails for problems you weren't directly involved in. Thanks for getting on your knees and getting directly involved in anyway.

Thanks for helping me organize a road trip for my students with service projects in your neck of the woods (Brad... Christy... Matt... and the other guy I can't remember who didn't mind that we smelled bad). Thanks for letting me sleep on the floor while my pregnant wife slept comfortably. Thanks for feeding us, clothing us, and serving Jesus as you did.

Thanks for being a dork. Thanks for being a friend. Thanks for being a jerk. Thanks for being an example. Thanks for being my "Jerry, Elaine, George, Kramer," and on occasion, my "Newman."

Thanks for getting excited for movies I was excited about. Thanks for labeling your sports posts accordingly so I could delete them (since I couldn't tell you anything about any football team since the '85 Bears won the Superbowl and basketball wise since Michael Jordan left the Bulls). Thanks for those times you remembered to "snip" your posts, and for apologizing when you didn't.

Thanks for reminding me about how hard ministry is. Thanks for sharing stories of how rewarding it's been. Thanks for helping me hate and appreciate small churches, medium churches, larges churches, and parachurches. Thanks for being different than me so that I might see a different side of God's face.

Thanks for telling me when your baby was born and for letting me share about mine. Thanks for confessing the roller coaster of being single, married, divorced, and remarried. Thanks for sharing when you failed in ministry, and when sin got the better of you. Thanks for helping me pray you on to victory in Christ.

Thanks for exactly 7,308,992.5 posts about tongues.

Actually, nevermind that one.

Thanks for helping me realize what denominationalism was and wasn't about. Thanks for helping me realize what youth ministry was and wasn't. Thanks for showing me how right I was theologically and how much of an ignoramus I've been with the Bible.

Thanks for being the Church to me.

Nobody Special,

T.

A guy named Michael Coredetti who had been very annoyed by my posts as "namelesspastor" sent back a reply, "I knew it." That was fun.

Here's the crazy part, though.

Apparently on this new YS Message Board that replaced the listserve a guy named "Namelesspastor" started posting. When I learned of it, I was mad... after all, it was my idea... my great scheme... my cool angle... my copyright symbol.

Aw... dang.

Anyway, this new fellow was trying to keep up the spirit of the old stuff I was putting out there. He was the Brandon Routh Superman to the Christopher Reeve Superman... and I had to admit, it actually was fun to watch. I had a successor, which meant my efforts would live on.

Then one day this new guy finally "fess"ed up to who he was... granted, I already knew him and had recently hung out with him. His name was G-Man.

Full circle... see beginning of this post.

Then one day this newer new technology came out called "Blogs." Soon I learned about another piece of my legacy... Nameless Youth Pastors. Then these guys asked me to come on board and post with them... humbling.

Full circle again.

So why do some people remain "nameless?" Perhaps because when we can't see the face we're more inclined to listen to the voice.

Then again, I have been posting this blog in full disclosure, so... maybe there's more value in knowing the person and his/her developing story.

What do you think?

blog purpose

My buddy Len was asking over on his site about the purpose of a blog.

My answer:

The purpose of a blog is to allow the soul to grow a mustache.

It tickles our nose a bit and can annoy our wives from time to time, but really it's for the rest of the world to comment on.

a bro by any other name...

Back in the day when Al Gore was busy inventing the internet, a little company came along and decided to dominate the computer industry. This company eventually formed a branch called "Hotmail," and since I was giving up my school email account at the time (which had about four or five ending extensions to it), I decided to apply for an email account.

Call me crazy, but I thought I'd just try my name to see if it was available. Sure enough, it was... tonymyles@hotmail.com.

I didn't have to go with tonymylesiscool@hotmail.com, or even something more descriptive like junkboy45@hotmail.com, Thankfully, the name was available and so I've had it for many, many years. Even when I went through my "pastor" stage (when I wanted everyone to call me "pastor" because I was insecure... another story for another time) and used pastor_t@yahoo.com (because pastortony@yahoo.com was already taken) I kept my hotmail account, safely tucked away in the corner.

Then...

about a year ago I started getting odd emails for "Tony Myles" at my hotmail account. Keep in mind, this is when I was interviewing with many churches and often would get emails out of the blue because someone knew someone who knew me (and had passed by my resume on), so I didn't always know who was contacting me.

At first glance, it looked legit - it was addressed to "Tony Myles" and referred to ministry sorts of things... dead giveaway sort of church words like "fellowship" and "stewardship" and all the other "ships." The only catch was that I felt like I was jumping into a conversation I should have known something about but didn't have any clue of. I'd read things like, "That was a great gathering of pastors and we're looking forward to seeing you again," only I couldn't recognize any of the emails that were involved as senders or other receivers on that list.

Not even junkboy45@hotmail.com made the cut.

So at first I did what any of you would do... I just read the emails. I figured if a part of my brain had shut down and needed to remember something it would. And if for some reason I was right and didn't know any of these people at all, I'd wondered if there was in fact another Tony Myles out there... and if so, who this Tony Myles character would be like. A lot of the emails I received were from California, and so I guessed this was probably the case.

I mean, did he sound like a cool guy whom I'd want to hang out with? Or might he be my nemesis... my Lex Luthor... my Sam I Am... my junkboy45@hotmail.com?

Some time went by, and soon I started to get an ever greater itch about all of this. So I decided to Google the name "Tony Myles." You know where this is going, right?

I started finding all sorts of things out there in the internet world from me that I'd forgotten even existed. Then on top of that, there were the many comments I'd made on other people's blogs that somehow tracked back my way. Then there were articles I'd written, places I'd spoken for, ideas I'd submitted to magazines, and so on. The biggest surprise, though, came when I found people who either talked about all of that or my blog in a good way... and then those who talked about all of that in a critical way.

Then I started to wonder... maybe I was the Lex Luthor to the"other" Tony Myles... his Sam I Am... his junkboy45@hotmail.com

Maybe every article I've ever written he's had to tell someone, "Yeah, um... I didn't write that, nor do I believe in that." Or perhaps when he's gone to speak somewhere he's gotten to the microphone and had to start by saying, "Hi, I'm Tony Myles... but not the "Don't Call Me Veronica" Tony Myles - in fact, I like the name Veronica and it's been my nickname since fourth grade summer camp." I wonder if he's ever gone to visit a blog I've been critiqued on and had to pick an alternate login name out of embarassment... like junkboy45@hotmail.com.

Maybe this guy is trying to make it professionally in ministry and keeps bumping into this crazy blogger/writer/pastor/speaker dude who unconsciously shares his name, unwillingly steals his emails, and unintentionally is making his life hard.

You know... kind of like how many of us call ourselves Christians and make life harder for Jesus Christ?

Ah...

Sometimes we introduce ourselves to people as "Christians" or "little Christs" - but really we're acting a bit more like junkboy45@hotmail.com - and the world gets confused.

Then there is this great little slice of the Bible where the early Christians were building bridges with the non-Jews... for one of the first-times ever (collectively, that is). The bridge-building was so powerfully noted that a bunch of people started calling them "little Christs" - or "Christians."

Now those who had been scattered by the persecution in connection with Stephen traveled as far as Phoenicia, Cyprus and Antioch, telling the message only to Jews. Some of them, however, men from Cyprus and Cyrene, went to Antioch and began to speak to Greeks also, telling them the good news about the Lord Jesus. The Lord's hand was with them, and a great number of people believed and turned to the Lord... The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch. (Acts 11:19-21, 26b)

Did you catch that?

The early church folk were first called "Christians" when they reached out to those outside their little theological circle... where everything was safe and could be gauged. Instead of drawing a line in the sand and putting down "those people over there," they built a bridge.

So this week I got yet another round of emails for Tony Myles. This time they're coming from Knoxville, Tennessee... apparently Mr Myles is on the move. Must have seen The Fugitive.

I sent out a reply-all email that said, "Hi there... I keep getting emails for a guy named Tony Myles. My name *is* Tony Myles and I am a pastor (www.connectionchurch.org) and writer - but perhaps not the one you're thinking of."

I heard back from a Mr. Vernon H. Guthrie today who said, "I appologize. Yes there is another pastor Tony Myles."

My reply? "And perhaps one day he and I will meet... and the world will sing again."

I'm such a dork sometimes.