13

My love for this kid... no words remotely come close.

He's the real deal, and he turned 13 today. The rest of the family and I thoroughly enjoyed investing into him.

But let me tell you... beyond the presents we gave him, we're thankful for the gift he is. Jesus is at work in his heart and through his life. That means this young man, flaws and all, is in a much more rooted place as he starts his teenage journey than I was at his age. I know that in itself is by the grace of God, so... thank you, God.

Beyond the normal day-to-day with my son, he and I have spent the past several months working on a big project together. That means I've been that much closer to his thoughts and his character. I gotta tell ya - this world is a much better world with him in it.

Once again... thank you, God. Please lead us as we try to fan the flame you've put in my son that's already warmed our hearts.

Daniel, I love you! You are a world changer with the most generous heart. I pray that you never doubt how special you are to me and your entire family. Do not let anyone look down on your because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity... and when you fall short (as I do, daily) know that the love of your Father is even greater than the love of your father... His grace is enough!

the man in the mirror

One day, we wake up and realize we’re not children anymore.

Another day, we wake up and realize our children aren’t children anymore

(Ouch! Yeah, this is going to be one of those posts. Sorry – we gotta go there.)
 
The year my oldest son was born, my wife and I bought a journal.

It was intended to be something we’d write in each year on his birthday to sum up what we’d seen in him over that previous year. I remember the day we picked it out. I wanted this to be meaningful from the very start.

That’s when I saw a picture on the cover of one journal. It was a piece of art called “Always” by Ron Dicianni, and it moved me.

I was the man in the mirror, holding my baby boy. The man in front of the mirror was a long, long way off.

Or so I thought.

I still remember writing the first entry. I wanted to write something funny that would perhaps lead into something meaningful. (Apparently, some things never change.)

As context, the birthday journal idea went well for a long number of years. Unfortunately, my wife and I ended up getting caught up in the busyness of life. We actually haven’t written in it for four years. While I can justify it in saying that’s just how things go, I knew I had to pick it up again.

That’s when it hit me… the cover had changed.

More specifically, my placement in it with my son had changed.

It shredded me. I had to actually set it down.

Because the reason I’d picked it up was because earlier that night I found myself in front of a mirror again. This time, I was teaching that very same son how to shave. 

And this time, there were two men in the mirror.

(I told you I was going there. Please grab a Kleenex for me, too.)

Our kids growing up is by no means a bad thing. It means they’re preparing to own who God made them to be and the unique difference they can make in the world. While this same young man with shaving cream on his face still (literally) has a Peter Pan hat in his bedroom, he also started his first job the “day-after-the-shave.”

(That’s what I’m calling it, by the way. I may need therapy soon.)

Holding our kids firmly when they’re little is needed, but as they get older we need to hold them with an open hand. If we can do this well, we’ll still get a firm embrace from time to time that reminds us of when they were more handheld.

So at this stage of things, there are a few things my wife and I are trying to do to help our oldest emerge into adulthood. Maybe we can all do these in our attempt to be unconditional:

• Pray with them. While it may be easier to just pray for them, we want to pray with our older kids. Even if they go through the stage of pushing back on faith, they need something consistent here. As life hands them a “trampoline” and says everything has now become flexible, they need this “foundation” for the trampoline to be set on.

• Partner with others. We can’t be everywhere our older kids are, but we can partner with others who are. Our son’s first job is actually under an amazing Christian man who runs a hot dog restaurant locally. We talked about how cleaning plates in the kitchen is a “dish position that will impact his disposition.” Our owner even came over to pray with us at our meal when we ate there that night. That can be rare, but maybe it doesn’t need to be. Think of who else “gets it” and can help your son or daughter “get it,” too.
• Prod with opportunities. While it may be impossible to return our older kids back to the innocence of their younger days, we can choose how to expose them to the world. My wife and I do our best to walk our kids through big headlines as they happen so they can get a mature understanding of the issue versus just hearing a sound-byte on it. We also decided when each of our kids was 13-years old to take them on a mission trip. My oldest and I went two years ago, and we’ll be back there again with his younger brother who is turning 13 this year.

Wait…

I just realized that I’m going to through all of this again with my emerging 13-year old!

Forget a piece of Kleenex. Please pass me the whole box!

Can you relate?

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

sweetness

As a kid...

I passed on meeting football legend Walter Payton just to see Star Wars in the theater a second time.

Walter Payton.

"Sweetness."

For real.

Tonight...

my 12-year old son just passed seeing Star Wars in the theater a second time to hang with me and his 5-year old sister.

His sister.

Sweetness.

For real.

"Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble." (1 John 2:10)

getting back on the bike (of parenting)

It wasn’t my finest moment in parenting.

My actions embarrassed my son and made him cry on his bike, right there in the middle of the street.

All things considered, I thought he needed me to prod him with the intensity like a football coach. It turns out he needed me to be more like a horse whisperer.

All things considered, I was tired of being a horse whisperer.

My son is 11-years old, and for a number of years he's struggled with riding his bike. It feels like every summer he's come up with a "reason" (note the quotes) about why he's just not up for it.

Right or wrong, my wife and I have allowed it. He's ridden around the neighborhood instead on his "Green Machine" (note the quotes).

I recently explained to him that enough was enough, and we were going to get out together and ride bikes until he felt confident on it. Even before we headed out to the garage, he started telling me how difficult this was going to be. He chose to wear winter gloves in case he fell.

I knew he was scared. I thought I knew what he needed to overcome it.

So I took a leap out of my usual approach and character and began to embody a football coach persona. "Let's go, no excuses," I barked. When he would stop and explain why this would just never work out, I replied, "Enough of this, get on that bike and start peddling. Now. NOW. NOW!"

Again, not my finest moment in parenting. I know there is a place for being firm, but what I started to realize is I was using this "firm opportunity for parenting" (note the quotes) to actually vent other frustrations of my life into my kid.

I realized it when I was so angry at the seventh time we'd stopped that I slammed my bike down and walked over to him and he was crying in the middle of the street.

We finished the ride, went home and debriefed. I first justified my actions by explaining he needed me to be firm.

Then an hour later, I was near him again - asking him to forgive me for handling it wrong. 

I explained, "Even if that's what you needed, I didn't tell you I was going to take that tone with you. Even more, I let some anger out that had nothing to do with you."

He nodded. He put his hand on mine.

I continued, "Will you give me a chance to get this right again tomorrow? Can I reset with you somehow on this?"

And he let me. And we did. And I was the horse whisperer he needed.

Four days in a row of biking later, my son and I came across some deer who literally bolted in front of us as we rode. He and I stopped together and watched them for ten minutes, saying nothing out loud but enjoying the moment together. Later that night he said, "Dad, I'm so glad you made me to get on my bike this week. I feel like God gave us that time with the deer today as a special gift just for us."

I was thankful, but again had to apologize. "Buddy, I'm so sorry I handled things wrong on the first day. Maybe by you seeing me fail, though, you'll learn how to handle it when you fail someday. We all will. Thanks for giving me a second chance to try again... for getting back on the bike."

I know the story doesn't always end like this.

I also know sometimes that has more to do with how easy it is for us to not admit we were wrong as parents.

But we are... sometimes... often.

When have you felt the strength of admitting you were weak?

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)

parenting - may the force be with you

My son didn't want to talk about it.

That didn't mean I was fine with that, though. The text message I'd received about what had happened in our neighborhood really set me off.

Now I was driving home late at night and realized what he needed most was to feel understood, even at this crazy hour.

That's when it hit me... it felt like God himself showed me what needed to be done.

What my son needed most was to feel understood.

He'd had a rough night with some local kids, and it wasn't the first time. Perhaps it all added up, but it had really rattled him. My wife shared that he walked into the house angry that he wasn't allowed to just punch them all. "I'm not sure I like being a Christian in these moments," he vented.

I was at a meeting when it all happened and didn't come home until about 10pm. It was a school night, but since we do an online public school we have some wiggle room with our schedule. Knocking on his door, I was invited in. Apparently he was still awake.

"Hey buddy," I began. "Can you come downstairs?"

"Okay," he replied, assuming we were about to have a lecture.

We stood in our kitchen for a moment as I continued. "Do you have anything big in the morning, like a test?"

"No," he replied, somewhat puzzled.

"Want to watch a movie?" I asked.

"Um, sure... wait, is mom okay with that?"

Smart kid.

"She is, or rather she's trusting however I want to spend this time with you. So a movie it is. Want a snack? Some ice cream, maybe?"

"Okay," he replied, smiling.

"How about a soda, too?"

"YEAH!"

I know... it was a horrible move in terms of nutrition. He ended up combining the ice cream with with his soda. I opted for adding a ton of fruit to mine. My wife and I have started eating healthier, and this move let him know that I was willing to make a concession so we could bond over it together.

As if to say, "I see you."

We took it over to our living room and popped in the movie. Before I hit play, I showed him pictures of two of my adult friends on Facebook.

"This is Scott," I explained. "And this is Mike. Scott always tried to get Mike and I to get along, but I couldn't stand Mike and he couldn't stand me. Then one day in high school we somehow became friends. I've followed his career as a video game designer, including when he designed some games for George Lucas and the Star Wars franchise."

"Cool," my son replied.

"In honor of Mike, we're going to watch a Star Wars movie you haven't seen yet."

And so we began watching Episode 3 in the Star Wars saga around 10:30pm on a school night.

As if to say, "I know you."

If you know the plot of that movie, you probably realize why I picked it. In it, Anakin Skywalker lets his fear, anger and insecurities get the best of him to the point that he strays into the dark side. Much pain and hurt occurs in the lives around him because of it. The movie took the place of any lecture I might have given, like some kind of backdoor parenting.

I realized this when my son observed, "Anakin really lost his way. I can relate to how he feels, but what he did was just wrong. I'm kind of glad I didn't just go off on those guys tonight. Was that God helping me?"

I nodded, which led into a brief exchange about how wise I thought my son was for seeing through the moment and grasping the larger picture.

As if to say, "I understand you."

I know that what I've described may all sound either weird to a casual reader, or that I'm perhaps some time of zen-master parent who always nails this kind of stuff. Honestly, I'm probably closer to the former than the latter.

I do appreciate the Holy Spirit's leadership in such moments, though. Perhaps in sharing the win with my kid out loud it inspires you to do something similar in your parenting... sort of a "may the force be with you" baton pass.

By more deeply connecting with your kids you help them more deeply connect with God.

Be unconditional.

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:11)

a firm embrace

I just literally watched my son turn 14 before my eyes as the clock struck midnight. 

We unintentionally welcomed it in by having a late night movie that spilled into his birthday.

I even paused to sing to him.

After the movie, we prayed together and I gave him a hug.

Then... I asked for another hug - a firm embrace, if you will.

As I held him, I remembered the first time I held him in the hospital...

and then the time after that...

and the time after that.

Those first few hugs didn't allow me the chance to put my full strength into it.

Still, it's amazing how many powerful gentle embraces you remember through a powerful firm embrace.

"Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate." (Psalm 127:3-5)

never ending opportunities

It's simple math.

Two Myles guys +

the Never Ending Pasta Bowl +

man-to-man stuff =

an amazing hang time with "this guy" tonight.

It's an odd thing to be someone's dad.

That's not at all a critique, but rather a humble reality. I love my kids beyond measure.

What I mean is that I feel the weight of my words as they're coming out of my mouth and understand how they will be received by my sons and daughter.

Tonight was a good example... my 13-year old and I have started going through the book "Preparing Your Son For Every Man's Battle." That's all you're going to know about a good part of our discussion, as the fearless conversation we were able to have together is rooted in relational trust.

All I want to offer here is that there's something about driving a half-hour to a restaurant while listening to some clean stand-up comedy together, plopping down into a booth, ordering some delicious food (that we've budgeted up to afford), catching up on life over breadsticks, and then diving right into some profound back-and-forth together over stuff that really matters.

I again felt the power of my words as I shared how this experience was something I wish I had growing up on the other end with my own dad, but that perhaps because of that gap the one I was having now was that much more intentional. He listened as I shared about how much of my own walk into manhood was full of guessing that he doesn't have to settle for, and that he's not alone in whatever he navigates.

At the end of the night? He asked if I would write all of this down. He said a lot of what I said tonight are things he doesn't want to forget, and hopes to reference back to them in the future as needed.

Win.

Parenting is full of such never ending opportunities.

We can't control what has been handed down to us.

We do have a say in what we will hand the next generation.

“Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:3-5)

shaving off some more parenting

One of my sons asked me about shaving.

Over the years, we've had some small snippets of chats about it. This time, it felt like a visual lesson was needed.

So I broke out the two options he'd eventually have to choose from - electric or manual.

 
I shaved half of my face with the electric, and the other half with the manual. I explained the pros and cons of each, from ongoing costs to one-time costs. I let him touch both sides of my face and evaluate how each felt in comparison to the labor that went into it.

And... that was it for now.

I'm sure some day soon we'll reverse roles and he'll be the one under the blade.

For now, though... we just took another step of being a father/son together.

How many times in parenting do we put people under the knife... when all they wanted to know is what the knife looks like?

"Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6, AMP)

father-son time

Hanging out with my son today...

kind of feels like this.

book review: 21 Day Dad's Challenge

I've been sorting through some great books lately. One of them is the 21 Day Dad's Challenge, a book that reminds fathers that we can't let life get in the way of being intentional in our parenting. Contributors include Tony Dungy, Chip Ingram, Josh McDowell, Randy Alcorn, Carey Casey, Jim Daly, and more.

A handful of thoughts:

• The 21 day challenge is "do-able." It involves a short reading each day, including a challenge at the end of each chapter.
• The tone of the book is motivational and not condemning. Most dads know they fall short - this one paints a picture of what they're capable of.
• An assortment of QR codes make it possible to scan content as you read and watch complementary videos.
• Everything is based on biblical principles that release a clearer common sense in how one parents. For that reason even non-Christian dads will get a lot out of this.
• The book is best read in community, such as a men's group where guys can hold each other accountable.

I'd also add that moms can get a lot out of this material, too, but it does feel distinctly written to men. Snag a copy and rock a kid's world - I got mine through the Tyndale Blog Network in exchange for an honest review.

a really, really good Story

I had a great breakfast this morning with one of my sons. We went to Eli's Kitchen for breakfast - one of our favorite places to get some dad/son time in. They serve a cheap, greasy omelet and a heck of a piece of toast - but we didn't go there for the hometown food. It's "our place" to key into the choices he has in front of him and the consequences of each.

We spent some time talking about the power of those decisions... and how life is about more than decisions. It's primarily about the core thing you live in, for that alone will determine not only what happens next but how you relate to God in the midst of it.

• Some conclude He doesn't exist and turn their backs on Him. 
• Others believe that you should "believe," and that's good enough. 
• Many hold to the idea that you have to outweigh your bad decisions with good decisions, or else God won't let you into heaven
• Then there is the epic journey concept - that we are taking part in His Story and by His grace get to interact with Him in ways that make us grow and add to what He's up to.

I shared this morning that I will love him no matter what path he chooses. Likewise, I gave him some direction on how each has its easy and tough points. Using a model I've come to appreciate from my friend Chris Folmsbee via Barefoot Ministries, we spoke about how what we start with determines the rest.

Simply put:

• If your core priority is behavior, you will be more concerned with what you (and others) do than who you (and others) are becoming.
• The appeal? It's easy to change your behavior and feel like you've accomplished something.
• If your core priority is your way of life, you will be more concerned with maintaining a standard of living (including how it appears to others, such as your finances, relational or spiritual life) than in making sacrificial changes that leads you to someplace more authentic.
• The appeal? By keeping your life looking a certain way, you will continue to feel you've conquered your past or are "winning" against your peers.
• If your core priority is your identity, then whatever you think you are will forever determine how you view anything else - such as "Well, I was born with this temperament/orientation/etc and have no choice but to give into it." 
• The appeal? We live in a culture that makes its arguments by promoting diversity versus clarity.
• If your core priority is your theology, you will become insecure when it is in question and angry at others who don't hold to it as you do.
• The appeal? You can find a number of truths that will help you feel like you are as mature as their significance merely because you believe them.
• If your core priority is God and His Story, you will become less able to be the star of your life and will be forced to put larger things into a better perspective.
• The appeal?  We all know deep down that we are not actually the one who makes the final determination of things in this world, and joining into a relationship with God allows us to become the pen and Him to become the writer.

Again, whichever one you start with will inform the others... so if you are opting for something on the surface level, your roots won't truly be as deep as you think they are. However, if you start with the deepest place possible - your relationship with your Creator - then life isn't about what you can or can't do, but about your willingness to join into something bigger than you that happens to include you.

Somehow I managed to share this at a level my son could understand. So much so, in fact, that I watched a huge weight get lifted off his shoulders this morning. He even was eyeballing the small camouflage Bible that I carried, and I gave it to him.

When he walked in the door from school today, one of the first things he said was, "Dad, thanks for making time this morning to talk with me. It really helped me figure some things out, and I really feel a lot closer to God now because of it."

I know some parents believe we're not supposed to expose our kids to any options about faith, or wait until they bring it up. Unfortunately, silence creates beliefs, too - such as "That's really not important." Apathy isn't as sophisticated as it sounds.

I have to say there is something powerful about simply taking the time to create space for dialogue that wouldn't have happened otherwise. That after-school comment is worth the price of the greasy omelet I've since regretted scarfing down. He even commented an interest and a start in reading the Bible on his own.

This may simply be a good story. Then again, if it is it's only because of a really, really good Story.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. (Matthew 16:24)

in case it's prom night...

Hey parents! It's prom night for many teens... and while it's common to let them do their thing, I want to encourage you to still parent them through it.

In other words, don't let it become a "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" night.

You're still their mom and dad, and your kids may need some extra space tonight... or they may need some extra accountability.

You'll know which one it is.  But either way, don't sever the link.  If they're under your household, then they're "under your household."

So I write this to simply encourage you to be sure that you don't take your hands off the wheel.  You probably won't - but I've seen it happen, and after years of working with students and seeing plenty of mistakes that are made on a night like tonight - "because it's prom" - I hope you receive this encouragement and not reject it.

Thanks!  Praying your kid has an amazing night in the healthiest way possible.

And be sure to post all the cool pics online. :)

a friend's post: the first 8 rules of dating my sons

This post was written by a friend of mine named Dawn Elliott. Enjoy!

As my sons have only a few short years before the dating begins here are a couple rules I have found and edited... these are not final and will probably be added to as they get older.

Since my sons are both receiving calls from lovely girls who I am sure will make fine wives for someone in 20 or 30 years, I have decided to issue this short edict to help them increase their chances of that someone being one of my children. Though shorter than Martin Luther's 95 Theses, I believe this is worth nailing to the front door. I will be doing this myself later today. With an electric staple gun.

• Rule One: If you would like to talk with my son, please do this in the church foyer during the fellowship hour when the lights are on high. Remember to bring your Bible. If you call my house to talk with my son, your call could be monitored by our Customer Service Department.
  
  
• Rule Two: The following locations and activities are acceptable for your date: Um … I can't think of any right now.
  
  
• Rule Three: Please remember that earrings are intended for your ears only.
  
  
• Rule Four: If you would like to hang out with my son, you will have to put up with me. I am out on a weekend pass and I am unsure of what I will do or say next. Though we are a loving and kind family, we also have a history of Paranoia. Schizophrenia also runs deeply through our genes, though my grandfather adamantly denied this before they locked him up.
  
  
• Rule Five: My son cannot use my vehicle to drive you to a mall. The van is already booked that year.
  
  
• Rule Six: Please do not touch my son. Do not lean against him unless you are falling over and are in danger of injuring yourself or plunging off a cliff. Do not even pull lint from his ear. I have been trying to do this for years and he will not let me. He can do this himself.
  
  
• Rule Seven: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for girls your age to wear t-shirts that do not reach their low-slung pants or necklines that sink lower than the Dow Jones Industrial Average. My husband and I have discussed this and since we want to be fair and open-minded about it, you are free to show up in such attire. I will affix it properly to your body with a glue gun.
  
  
• Rule Eight: More important than any of these, remember that we've been praying for this child since before God gave him breath, and we will continue to do so. If you're The One, we've been praying for you too. When and if he chooses a godly girl, we will be happier than Mr. and Mrs. Turtle when they finally exited the Ark, but until then we'll keep praying that both of you will pursue Jesus first, and watch everything else fall into place.
  

P.S: If you are a teenage girl who has read this and still has a smile on your face, go ahead and call. Our number is 1-800-321. If you somehow got through, just remember that your call may be monitored by our Customer Service Department.

kids and electronics

I recently answered a question a parent asked about technology for their kids.

Hi, I need some advice!!

My boys are really hoping for iPods this Christmas. It's really about the only thing they want. We have looked at them a few times at Walmart and asked some questions... what is the youngest age you would give an iPod to? (My boys are 11 and 9.)... what rules or guidelines do you have in your home for listening to the iPod? Has owning one affected your family life in a negative way? We may be the last family to get an MP3 . . . we just have some reservations. We will not be getting them the iPod Touch-- too breakable and too expensive. Any comments or input you have is appreciated!

Any time you give a kid the ability to create their own world that can be unmonitored (i.e. music via headphones, computer in their own room, etc) you run a great risk. You may find that they are completely responsible with it, from not losing it to the content they put on it. To the contrary, though, many kids do struggle with it not breaking or getting lost. And then there is the content issue - if you think about how easy it is for young people to get wrapped up into a song, what if it's a song that goes against the values you're trying to instill in them?

Again - a risk.

If you end up buying them such technology, be sure you can help them use it productively. For instance, iTunes will only allow one of their iPod products to be synced to one computer at a time. If you sync with another, you not only lose the playlist you loaded from the first computer, but if/when you try to sync up with that first computer it will notify you as a pop-up in that program.

No need to fear this technology - like I said, it can be productive if you and your child choose the songs together and be sure that they support the values of your home. Use this as a tool to talk about the value of discernment and how God has gifted us with the ability to "Test everything" and "Hang onto to the good." (1 Thes 5)

Other devices have similar risks. A lot of home and portable video game systems allow you to connect with the internet. If left unsupervised, kids can accidentally or intentionally end up in places they shouldn't.

Again, I would suggest that a computer never be in a place of privacy. You always want any tech you give your kids to include your continuing guidance - more than a pop-in, but active parenting.

love and marriage

I was talking with someone about an article I wrote for the newspaper recently and realized I didn't ever put up a link here to it. If you're married, I hope this speaks to you.

http://wp2.medina-gazette.com/2008/02/25/accent/religion/creative-dating/

a boring thought

Just in case your kids are feeling bored, here's a thought or two I was allowed to share on the topic.

a celebration of freedom

On the day of freedom we celebrated yesterday...

I took my youngest son for a walk in the woods.

You see, a few months ago this little guy asked God to be his King (kind of like his older brother did last year)

---

Me: Hey buddy, I want to talk with you about something.

Him: Okay. (raises stick in the air as we walk through the forest) "In the beginning! God created! The heavens and the earth! Genesis 1:1!"

Me: (wow - interesting sense of timing) That's right, buddy. Do you remember what He did after that?

Him: Yeah... He made people.

Me: Yeah... then what happened?

Him: Then the snake tried to trick them.

Me: Right. (wow) Did Adam and Eve listen to the snake?

Him: Yes... (pause) they made bad choices.

Me: That's right. That hurt God and broke the world.

Him: (looking around at the forest) But... well, we can fix the world.

Me: With God we can, you're right. Do you know why that's possible?

Him: What's "possible" mean?

Me: Sorry... "possible" means that Someone did something so something good can happen. Do you know who came to earth so God can be our King forever and we can be His knights?

Him: JESUS!!!

Me: That's right, buddy. And what did Jesus do for us?

Him: (pause)

Me: Do you remember what Jesus did for us?

Him: He died on a cross.

Me: But then He came back... and He made a way for us to be with Him forever.

Him: Yes, but we have to stop the snake.

Me: That's actually what I want to talk to you about, buddy.

(by now, we've made it to a clearing and I've put a blanket down - as well as the box and bag I've been carrying)

Me: Daniel, I have a special present for you... it's because you've chosen to be one of God's knights now.

Him: What is it?

Me: Well, what does a knight need?

Him: A sword!

Me: Why?

Him: To stop the dragon!

Me: That's right - and also to help the King and protect all the people the dragon might hurt.

Him: Yeah!

Me: That's why I have a special present for you... (taking a brand new Bible out of the bag I've had with me) it's your very own, new Bible... and it's kind of like a sword. We use it to stop the dragon, help the King, and protect all the people the dragon might hurt.

Him: This is my Bible? (taking it from me)

Me: It is.

Him: WOW!

Me: Now listen to me very carefully... this book tells us the Truth... there are no lies in this book, buddy. But... it will help you figure out what the lies are.

Him: Cool!!

Me: To help you remember this is like a sword, though, I have one other special present for you.

Him: What is it?

Me: (I open the box I had put down) Daniel, this... is your sword.

Him: For ME!?!?!

Me: Yes, buddy. It's a pretend sword to help you remember the Bible is your real sword.

Him: Wow!

Me: Now every knight does something special to tell the King and other people that he wants to serve Him. Do you want to serve the King?

Him: Yes!

Me: Then kneel... (he does, and I move the sword about his shoulders) I hereby declare and recognize that you are Sir Daniel, one of God's knights, in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit... now rise... and take your sword.

Him: (grabbing his sword with my assistance) It's heavy.

Me: Remember that... swords need special care so they don't hurt us or others.

(around this time my wife and oldest son joined us, strategically planned so we could celebrate together... and we'd brought the other sword belonging to my oldest son)

Oldest: Hey! You have a sword now, too!

Youngest: Yeah!

Oldest: (to me) Can I have one like he has?

Me: Actually, everybody's sword is a little different because we all are made special by God in different ways. (By the way, that was my wife's idea - a good one, I might add) Why don't you boys kneel once more so we can affirm our oath together.

Both: Sure!

Together: "Serve the King... (boys echo) love all people... (boys echo) do what is good... (boys echo) in the name of the Father... (boys echo) and the Son... (boys echo) and the Holy Spirit... (boys echo)"

And then we went on an adventure together into the woods.

Maybe this is all a bit odd to you, and I'm sure there is some theological discussion we can have about how young/old someone needs to be before they can "really" mean a salvation prayer.

Which, by the way, isn't found anywhere in the Bible.

I think what God is concerned about is the direction of our hearts, and as best as I can tell these two little guys in all of the sincerity they can muster want God to be their King so they can serve Him as a knight would. On more than one occasion, their chilvary to care for the Kingdom and its people has caused me to question and deepen my own version.

Which is just fine by me.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matthew 19:14, NIV)

Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6, AMP)

today is the day

Something miraculous happened today... on Ash Wednesday, no less. My wife summed it up better than I ever could in this journal entry:

"Today, 5 days before his 5th birthday, wearing a Batman hat, a Spiderman t-shirt, and Buzz Lightyear shoes, Joshua asked Jesus, his one true Super Hero, into his heart."

Joshua and I have been chatting for quite a while about what it means to be a Christian. Up until now, he hasn't been ready and we've been cool with that, planting seeds here and there and letting the Holy Spirit do His thing. Then there was today...  

-------------- Scene One -------------- 

Joshua and I hopped in the van to head to the library. I put on a CD that had a song with the word “heaven” in it.

Joshua: “What did they say about that heaven?”

Me: “There’s a door open to heaven to anyone who wants to come in.”

Joshua: “What’s heaven?”

Me: “Heaven is where Jesus is King and where he wants us to come be with him when we die.”

Joshua: “Oh… I never knew about that before.”

Me: “When we ask Jesus into our heart, he comes in and then lets us be with him in heaven one day. Heaven is the real world. It's where the best version of everything exists.”

Joshua: “Wow!”

Me: (pausing, praying) “Is that something you want to do, buddy?”

Joshua: “What?”

Me: “Do you want to ask Jesus into your heart? Do you want to go to heaven one day?”

Joshua: “SURE!”

Me: (stopped the car, turning around to head back home) “Okay… let’s go tell mom and then we’ll pray together.”

Joshua: “Okay!”



-------------- Scene Two -------------- 

Me: “Joshua has something he wants to tell you.”

Katie: “What?”

Me: “Tell Mommy.”

Joshua: “Tell mommy what?”

Me: “Tell her what you want to do.”

Joshua: “Um… I don’t remember.”

Me: “Remember about heaven?”

Joshua: “Oh, yeah! Mommy, I want to ask Jesus into my heart so that I can go to heaven!”

Katie: “You do?”

Joshua: “Yeah!”

Me: “Alright, let’s pray together… tell Jesus what you want to do.”

Joshua: (shy) “I don’t know what to say.”

Me: “Do you want me to help you?”

Joshua: “Um… yeah.”

Katie: “Maybe he’s not ready…”

Me: “Joshua, are you sure you want to do this?”

Joshua: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay… Dear Jesus…”

Joshua: “Dear Jesus…”

Me: “Thank you for loving me…”

Joshua: “Thank you for loving me…”

Me: “Thank you for forgiving me…”

Joshua: “Thank you for forgiving me…”

Me: “Please come into me…”

Joshua: “Please come into me…”

Me: “And help me to let you be my God…”

Joshua: “And help me to let you be my God…”

Me: (to Katie) “Anything else, Mom?”

Katie: “Thank you, Jesus, for dying on the cross…”

Joshua: “Thank you, Jesus, for dying on the cross…”

Katie: “And for forgiving me…”

Joshua: “And for forgiving me…”

Katie: “In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

Joshua: “Amen.”

Katie: “Happy Birthday.”

Joshua: “Is it my birthday?”

Katie: “Kind of.”

Me: “Joshua, do you know what just happened?”

Joshua: “What?”

Me: “Let me show you from the Bible… (I read from Luke 15) The Bible says that everyone in heaven is throwing you a party right now! All of the angels and Jesus think this is the most super-duper, coolest, awesomest, greatest, sweetest, most incrediblish thing you could ever do… and we do, too!”

Joshua: “WOW!”

Me: “That means when we die someday, we really keep on living and will all be together in heaven.”

Joshua: “All of us?”

Me: “Mommy and Daddy are Christians, too. You are, too, now. Everyone except for Daniel, but one day he will, too.”

Joshua: “I don’t want him to be left all alone!”

Katie: “We don’t either.”

Me: “That’s why we need to tell him about Jesus and heaven… that’s why we need to tell everyone.”

Joshua: “Cool! Hey, watch this…” (bounces on bed)

Me: “You want to tell Grandma?”

Joshua: “Sure!”



----------------- Scene Three ----------------- 

(knock, knock)

Grandma: “Yes?”

Joshua: “It’s me… Joshua.”

Grandma: “Coming.”

Joshua: “Grandma – I asked Jesus into my heart!”

Grandma: “You did?”

Joshua: “Yeah! And I will go to heaven one day!”

Grandma: “Cool! Grandma will, too!”

Joshua: “Cool!”

Me: “You want to call Grandpa?”

Joshua: “Yeah!”

Grandma: “Okay, Grandma will call him.”

(fade to)

Joshua: (on the phone) “Grandpa, I asked Jesus into my heart…. Yeah, and I will go to heaven someday… uh. Huh…. Okay, love you, too!”

Me: “Cool!”

Joshua: “Who else can I call?”

(fade to Joshua calling everyone he knows)

Joshua: “Hi, it’s me Joshua. I have GREAT NEWS! I asked Jesus into my heart and I’m going to go to heaven! Are you going to go to heaven? Okay, bye!”

Me: “Hey… let’s dance.”

Joshua: “Okay!”

(fade out of a bunch of wiggling and dancing around)



--------------- Scene Four --------------- 

 Joshua and I went to the park shortly after he prayed. Turns out he was going to get one of his birthday gifts a bit earlier. We walked in the woods and had a man-to-man chat.

Me: "Joshua, I want to tell you a story."

Joshua: “Okay, you can tell me the story while we walk.”

Me: “That’s a great idea. Do you remember the story about how God created the world and Adam and Eve?”

Joshua: “Yeah, and that bad snake who made them eat the fruit.”

Me: “Right. Before they ate that fruit, they made lots of good choices, right?”

Joshua: “Yeah.”

Me: “But then they made a real big, bad one, right?”

Joshua: “Yeah, and they had to leave the garden.”

Me: “Right. Ever since then we’ve been away from God. That’s why Jesus came… to help come into us so that we could be with God again.”

Joshua: “Wow. How did he do that?”

Me: “He became a person. Remember at Christmas time we remember about how Jesus was a baby?”

Joshua: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well, at Easter – which is pretty soon – we remember that Jesus also grew up and became a man. He did that so he could die on a cross for us.”

Joshua: “Oh.”

(Right then and there, I happened to notice the ice on the pathway had melted into the formation of a cross. No kidding, an actual cross right there on the sidewalk right at this point in the story.)

Me: “Look at that right there, Joshua.”

Joshua: “Wow.”

Me: “That’s like a cross, right? Jesus died on the cross for us, but do you know what happened after that?”

Joshua: “What?”

Me: “He came back!”

Joshua: “YES!!!!! ALRIGHT!!!!” (jumping around)

Me: “Because Jesus died and lived again, when our bodies die – when they break and don’t work anymore – we will live again, too, with God!”

Joshua: “Wow. Hey, Daddy – look at that thing.”

(Joshua pointed to a bridge of ice that crossed over from one side of a small river to the other. No kidding, a bridge right there at this point in the story. I looked at the sky and smiled.)

Me: “Do you see how far apart those two sides are? Look at how that ice is kind of a bridge from one side to the other.”

Joshua: “Yeah!”

Me: “That’s what Jesus did. Through the cross we have a bridge to get from one side to the other side where God is.”

Joshua: “Cool!”

(We kept walking and finally arrived to a special spot where the pathway ended – a grove cut into the trees)

Me: “Joshua, I want to have a special talk with you. Can you sit down and listen?”

Joshua: “Okay.”

Me: “Today you asked Jesus into your heart. And today you became a Christian.”

Joshua: “What’s a Christian?”

Me: “It means that you asked Jesus into your heart and started a new, special friendship with him. He’s your King, now. It means you belong to God and God belongs to you.”

Joshua: “Wow!”

Me: “And so today you get to have a special present. I want to give it to you now, okay?”

(perking up) “What is it?”

(I pulled out a Bible – “Super Heroes Of The Bible” – and gave it to him)

Me: “Joshua, this is your very first Bible with all the important words – not just pictures and some words, but all of the words you will ever need to help you follow God.”

Joshua: “Wow!”

Me: “Look at me, buddy… (he looks up) There are no lies in this book. It is God’s truth, and because it is true it is like a sword you can use when the snake or dragon tries to lie to you.”

Joshua: “I never knew that before!”

Me: “This book is like a sword… which is why I have one more thing to give you.” (I reached over to the long box I had been carrying with us the whole time and pulled out a sword – a real, authentic heavy-duty sword – and showed it to Joshua. His eyes widened)

Joshua: “WOW! A real sword! A super-strong sword!” (he didn’t know whether to take it or not)

Me: “I want you to hold this sword with me…” (he holds it as I still hang on to it) “It’s heavy, isn’t it?”

Joshua: “Yeah.”

Me: “Joshua, do you remember how in the books we read about knights that someone who is already royalty or a knight is the one who helps another become one?”

Joshua: “Yeah.”

Me: “Jesus did that for us, and since I’m your dad and he has done that for me, I want to celebrate that you have asked Jesus into your heart. You’ve become a Christian, one of God’s knights… and so I dub thee… (putting the sword on either side of his head as he knelt) Joshua Myles, a Christian, and one of God’s knights.”

(huge smile)

Me: “Now, do you see your Bible? It’s like your sword… it’s full of all kinds of Bible muscles, and as you get to learn more about it and learn a new Bible muscle, we will write the number of that Bible muscle on this sword… as you get older, you will get stronger with your Bible muscles and stronger in your body muscles… and you will be able to use this sword in the way it was intended.”

Joshua: “Cool.”

Me: “Now stand up, and hold your swords…”

(with the Bible under his arm, he took the 42 inch metal sword and tried to hold it with both hands… he did okay, and occasionally would drop it)

Joshua: “Daddy, what is that black thing on the end?”

Me: “Let me show you… (taking the sword and taking off the protective edge covering) Look at what happens when we poke the sword into the wood.”

Joshua: “It makes little dots and breaks it.”

Me: “Right. That’s why you need to know that this is not a toy. Swords are very sharp on the end and usually very sharp on the sides. That’s why there is a handle. It keeps you from grabbing the sword in the wrong way and the top of the handle keeps your hand from sliding up. It’s like when we follow God’s rules… they are like boundaries or handles that keep us from cutting ourselves and getting hurt.”

Joshua: “Oh. Hey, can I make those dots?”

Me: “Only for a minute with Daddy, okay?” (we poked a bit at the wood)

Joshua: “Oh… hey, Daddy… can we go over there?” (pointing to where the wooden path ends and the raw leaves, dirt, thorns, and trees are)

Me: “You know, it’s not too safe over there. Are you sure you want to?”

Joshua: “Yeah, we will use our swords to help us… and you can hold my hand!”

Me: “Sounds like a great idea, buddy.”

(And then we did.)