lime jello

This is my personal blog.

It's been a while since I blogged here... partly on purpose.

The last time I wrote something was just before my daughter had a seizure in January... then another. She was in the hospital and we were full of questions.

So much of our lives felt touch-and-go for a while. How could I possibly blog here?

Eventually we realized we could move forward... one cautious step at a time. But by that point I wasn't sure what to write of any personal nature.

It was around this time that someone blasted me apart in an email that was mass emailed out to 50 people (and yapped about by more than those 50). Most people saw through it, while others bought into it. Ironically, all I was trying to do was reconcile with the guy.

I was devastated. People I thought were friends suddenly became quite unfriendly. Who I am, my household and church became a "topic" - as if we could be discussed with criticism without feeling any sort of pain or damage.

By the way - a lot of pain and damage did occur.

Again, that came right after my daughter's hospital and medical issues.

As time went on, the person never apologized for it. I had to deal with the wake of it almost every other week as someone new was caught up in its ripples.

Somewhere in there I felt the sting of a financial gap. Our church had been struggling financially, so I took a voluntary pay cut. It meant extra side work was necessary for me to serve my household. In the process of taking on a ton of work all at once, I wrote two books, a lot of curriculum and more. That sounds good on paper, but I ran out of juice, time and more. The stress it caused was felt throughout my family. I thought I'd bottomed out internally.

This was when all of it started to collide together... the question of medical bills, financial strain, being misunderstood by people close to us and more... all of it... it all added up.

Toss in Easter... already a big deal, but we relaunched our church around then. We had a massive building project in the mix, too. Everyone had an opinion about everything. Much of it added up and subtracted me down to a divided spirit that only multiplied.

"Boo hoo... woe is me," I thought.

Then my best guy friend in all the world lost his daughter. She was ten and died almost instantly as they were all serving as missionaries in Africa.

Devastation.

Sometimes it takes perspective to have perspective.

I've spent a lot of time in the midst of all of this trying to figure out what it means to move forward. There's much I won't write here, including how some of the struggles haven't been mine alone to bear. Others I love are likewise working out what all of this means.

I mentioned to my friend that I had a memory from January of walking downstairs in the hospital when my daughter had finally relaxed to try to find something for my wife and I to eat. It was here that I saw it...

lime jello.

Look...

I'm a pastor, and I've visited many hospitals.

In every hospital that I can remember, I have always found lime jello.

You would think that I'd find something red more often than something lime... strawberry... cherry... maybe even raspberry.

Without fail, I always see lime jello.

I shared with my friend how absurd this is - as if there was some research that was done by hospitals and they reasoned that by putting lime jello in their selection that you would think, "I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting red. But lime jello... well... that's different."

Maybe you would then think, "Maybe the unexpected is still possible. Maybe a miracle can happen. Maybe there's more to life than this moment."

Who knows? Maybe it's that strategic and subliminal. Or maybe not. Maybe it's just that lime is cheaper than any other flavor.

Either way, it's there... all the time... lime jello.


You'll notice that I took that picture in January and waited until now to post it.

It's because this past week I found some lime jello in a few different moments I wasn't expecting:

• I found forgiveness for the jerk way I was treated and belittled in the mass email. It still hurts and I have to call it for what it was, but at this point I can love the flawed source behind it. How can I not? After all, isn't this what I ask of God everyday for myself?
• I watched the church I'm in be reborn before my very eyes. God did something amazing and profound that has His fingerprints all over it through the many hands of others. It's something I've been praying for years would happen.
• I had a conversation with someone who rediscovered the cross of Jesus Christ and likewise began a shoeless walk into His holiness and grace again. Again, something I've been seeking God on.

Lime jello.

I'm not sure what the future of this blog looks like, but years ago it gave me sanity to begin it when I was going through junk about junk. Somehow it helped me find my footing, not to mention my voice.

So between here, my leadership blog and a youth ministry blog I've been offered the chance to write for I'm going to be sharing my lime jello with anyone who wants some.

Need a spoon?

manufacturing feelings of entitlement

Seth Godin has a great post about the ways we tend to "amplify our complaints" when something or someone has soured our attitude.  We've all done this... it's our way of trying to be sure the other person/company we're mad at (or the people we're gossipping about him/her/them to instead) knows that our complaint is "that much more" important. 

It's like we try to *snap!* *snap!* our words... all to manufacture and validate our perceived sense of entitlement.

Like I said, I've done this... even within the church.  On more than one occasion in years past, I've said insecure things like:

"I've been around here a whole lot longer than you have, so..."

"Look, I know more about that than you do, so..."

"Hey, that's not your area but it is mine, so..."

I bring this up simply because I've been silly in the past, and I didn't realize it at the time.  I think I'm a bit sharper about this in recent years, but even still I may have missed something. So perhaps one of three applications:

• If I've hurt you in some way in years past, I apologize and need to ask for your forgiveness.  Sincerely, let me know about it... don't just ignore it, because we can't deal with it.  Please talk with me so we can address it.
  
  
  
• If I'm being silly about something now, feel free to be honest with me.  I promise to be honest with you back, whether that means me saying, "You know what? You're right."  Or it may be, "Thanks for sharing. Can I offer a perspective from my end on this?"
  
  
  
• If you're being petty or silly or snapping your fingers in ways and directions you shouldn't, can you cease and desist for the sake of the Greater Story?
  

It's all quite silly, isn't it?

We're entitled to nothing... nothing. 

Actually, I take that back - because of our rebellion against God, we are entitled to death and an empty, harsh eternity.  Check out what He did, though:

It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah. (Ephesians 2:1-6, MSG)

So... God gives us a gift of grace.  It means gaining what we could never deserve or earn on our own.  And He simply asks us to share that gift of grace with one another.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:12-14)

So... can we  agree to stop trying to manufacture entitlement and instead agree to build a real relationship?  One where I trust your heart and you trust mine, even when we can't stand how the other is being odd in how its pursued. One where we don't have to qualify our feelings but instead simply share our burdens with one another and agree to help each other carry them.

I'm in.

40 days: plain and simple forgiveness

Just a simple thought today... and it's about forgiveness.

(If there's a command in the Bible that is difficult to keep, certainly this is one of the hardest.)

This past week I witnessed someone give an incredible gift of grace to another. I wish I could go into the details, because it's rather amazing. To honor that exchange and those people, though, I have to leave it at that.

But what I can tell you is what I was again reminded of.

The bottom line regarding grace and forgiveness means I/you don't hold anything against someone that I/you feel we have the right to.

Which, given Jesus and all, should be easier for us than it often is.

Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble.

But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.

I write to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name. (1 John 2:9-12)

You might say, "I don't hate _____, but I don't have to be friends with them."

Actually, yeah... you do.

You have no been given permission by God in any situation other than unrepentant sin to snub your nose against someone. By crossing the bridge of sin to reconcile with us, Jesus has asked to "follow Him" and do the same.

I know that runs against the grain of what society teaches, but that's just the point - a broken way of doing things only leads to more brokenness.

You will know this is truly working in your life when you think of that certain person and poison doesn't come up to the top of your neck as bile ready to spit out.

If you're still holding a grudge that you feel superior about...

you can let it go already...

or keep on drinking the poison.

It's time to bring yourself to into alignment with what you have received from God and the length He's asked you to cross to extend it to another.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)