this is the dream

As I write this, it has officially turned midnight...

which means it's September 29, 2021.

That's my birthday. 

If you know when I was born, you know this is a significant birthday numerically. I've always enjoyed being somewhat elusive about telling people my age. I just did it again.

Keep in mind, I have no issue with my age, nor have I ever. Rather, I find that others do - perhaps because I've been a pastor for a long while, and there have been times when I've shared my age and the reaction was, "Wow, you're way too young to know anything." Other times when I've shared my age, the opposite response came out with, "Wow, you're a lot older than I thought, and suddenly I'm not sure if I can relate to you."

Whatever.

I'm 50 years old today.

Yep, I wrote it. It's there, in black and white. So what? Deal with it.

Maybe I shouldn't and instead brace myself for some cheesy barrage of people who want to harass me with all the exhausting "over the hill" napkins and party horns. I'm sure if that's waiting for me, the people behind it love me and assume I'd enjoy the ribbing.

The truth is... I'm excited to be 50. 

Not in a sassy, "WOO-HOO! LOOK AT ME! DON'T BE HATIN' ON ME!" rally cry. My enthusiasm for being 50 isn't artificial adrenaline, nor a shield I wield out loud to cover some insecurity underneath.

I'm 50, which means I'm on the front end of a prime time in my life.

In these next years, I'll watch my boys continue to emerge into adulthood. They're already godly men whom I wish I could grow up and become. 

Joshua loves the Lord and decided through a rather challenging year to grab hold of Jesus instead of caving into his weariness. If he was a tree and you could look inside at the rings that have been formed, this year would be a definitive circle of the storms he weathered and the rooted internal joy in Christ he claimed. I've watched him grow into an understanding of himself and his calling to ministry that I can't believe I get to get a front row seat to. He's the real deal. Yet somehow, he's also Peter Pan... and at the same time, Dr Seuss... and maybe Joshua from the Bible, too. Or maybe he's just Joshua. #Epic

Daniel likewise is solid with God, caring about others and has a compass that always points to true north. He does this not just out of morality, but out of trust, faith and surrender. I've likewise seen him be faithful during a tough year of work and as he just recently begin to intern at our church in problem solving and projects. He could be a unique pastor, lawyer, or a financial advisor, or an IT guy, or apologist, or... the list is endless... I'm pretty sure he's going to change the world whatever he goes with.. maybe through one of those roles, or maybe something else. I've watched him go "all in" every day on whatever it is he's doing, and it's breathtaking. He tenderly calls me out so I can boldly live upward. #Wow

Johanna is both a girl of God, and a tween of God, and a woman of God. She serves and gives, then gives and serves. She's exploding with creativity and wants to use it to worship the Lord, be it in art, singing, dance or otherwise. She says yes to many great things, but also knows how to turn other things down. Anytime I ask her for a favor, she's eager to do it. And... please, please, Lord... let her affection for stuffed animals, unicorns and all things people forever remain. I'm in awe of this little lady whose heart and faith are huge, and whose spontanenous house dance party moves rival my own. #Wonder #Full

Katie is still surprising me with her stretchy heart that loves me, and loves me again, and loves me again. She digs deep, confesses her emotions, reaches for Truth, blesses us daily, and finds a space in the church to place her hand and push it forward (whether or not anyone sees it). She radically loves her neighbors. She takes on new challenges. She prays and inspires. And when it's all messy, it's gloriously messy. I'm so, so thankful for her. #Bride

So what do I have to complain out?

Sure, I could make a list. I know I've had many moments where I had to. Right now, I'm choosing not to. And even when I have to again, I hope I will say this...

"This is the dream."

Lord, You're here with me. Wherever you are is Home.

Sure, I'd like some more money today and retirement funding for later. I'd like to have some different body parts or a faster metabolism. It'd be great if I wasn't misunderstood in "that direction" or overlooked in "the other direction." Maybe I could pout if I really want to.

I don't want to.

"This is the dream."

I may not be at the end of the dream, but I'm right in the middle of it. I'll trust that what I can't yet see will come in due time. Meanwhile, I'll take in what I can see and thank the Lord for it - both the aches and the awesome, the problems and the praise, the breakdowns and the breakthroughs.

I'm reminded of Joseph who had dreams from God about how one day something amazing would happen in his life. Then he was rejected by his family, sold into slavery, tempted to sin, falsely accused when he did the right thing, imprisoned and forgotten. Only at the end of his life did the final moment of the dream come true, but he was in the steps and stages of the dream that whole time.

So I will praise the Lord, regardless of the stage of the dream I am... even if it some days feels like a nightmare.

"This is the dream."

Today is my birthday. I will spend it with my loved ones who love me.

Where are you at when you read this?

Take a look around, and take it in. You are also in the middle of what God is creating that has yet to be fully revealed.

Say it with me...

"This is the dream."

Trust me. I'm 50. :)