- Feel free to use this software as you'd like for 30 days. If you keep it after that, though, we need you to look up a few of our old classmates from high school and (ahem) "send them a message," if you know what we mean.
- This software is provided for you free of charge. As long as you continue to watch The Oprah everyday.
- The program you're about to use is freeware. This means you don't have to pay anything for it, even though we spent time making it. That's right... we made it ourselves, just for you. So can we just get back together? It won't be like it was last time, baby. We promise.
- You're loading a program that is yours to keep forever. We want absolutely nothing in return. Except to sleep on your sofa when we're in town. And a bagel.
- Are you seriously that cheap that you can't pay five bucks for a free program? What kind of sick sicko are you, sicko? You know what? Fine. Just click on the icon to start this program, but know that if you do it's a sign you really, really, really need help. Go on. We dare you, you sick sicko.
This message brought to you by 1-800-PSYCH-4-U. Only $19.99 for five minutes of counseling. Operators are standing by.