four things i said out loud during the oscars

Every year it's the same shtick... red carpet, who is wearing what, who "deserves" to win this year, who actually wins this year, what movies are winning awards that I have no intention of seeing, and who has the cleverest acceptance speech - be it for being genuine or for being witty.

Of course, there are my personal highlights... I call them the things worth talking about since I actually said something out loud when they happened.  Here is my list this year of things I said out loud during the Oscars:

• During the best actress awards:"Hey! How come The Oprah gets to just say 'Precious' without all that 'based on a novel' stuff?"
  
  Inside my head: "When Sapphire introduces herself, does she say, "I'm Sapphire, author of the novel Push, which the movie 'Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire'  was based on?'"
  
  Double-take: "Oh, snap!  Did Sandra Bullock just do a fake-out hug on Meryl Streep?"
  
  
  
• During the best actor awards:"Oh, man.... Morgan Freeman, you are so  mad for not winning... and I saw it for .008 seconds before you put on a happy actor face.  The DVR slow-mo does not lie."
  
  Inside my head:  "I wonder if Morgan Freeman will be narrating evil thoughts at Jeff Bridges all night."
  
  Double-take: "Jeff Bridges!  Did you just disrespect or pay homage to your dad's role in 'Sea Hunt?'"

• During the dancing montage that highlighted best movie songs:"Wow! That was simply amazing.  I think I might want to save this and show other people.  Wait... that may not be the most macho move.  Wait... did I just say 'macho'?"
  
  Inside my head: "Somewhere. someone from the Disney Channel is copying down moved for High School Musical 4"
  
  Double-take: "Seriously, did I just say 'macho?'"
  
  
  
• During the montage of stars who have passed away:
  "(nothing - I am always silent during this piece each year)"
  
  Inside my head: "Why is Demi Moore doing the introduction?  Because she was in Ghost?  Or because she'll look the same in 100 years?"
  
  Double-take: "Whoa!  Karl Malden 'won' the most applause this year... take that, 'guy who wrote the screenplay for To Kill A Mockingbird.'"

And... a few honorable mentions:

• "Ah, Kristin Stewart.  So it's 'Team Edward' in the tabloids and 'Team Jacob' at the Oscars."
• "Hi, John Hughes kids!  Hmm... I wonder if there is a John Hughes movie on right now I should be watching."
• "Man, they only let the first person in a group award talk.  I wonder how many throw downs there are back stage from people who didn't walk up to the microphone as fast as the first guy."

Any favorite Oscar moments for you?