It's the type of thing I'd normally do with friends who enjoy going to see epic movies at midnight. Given the past week of life and more, I just couldn't swing it.
What I was able to do was to post some tongue-in-cheek "spoilers" from the Hobbit on my Twitter account throughout the three hours the movie premiered. I'm not sure if I was able to influence anyone to actually believe these were true, but since I lost three Twitter followers that night I do believe my purpose was achieved.
(For the record, I gained 10 others).
Here is a chance for you to enjoy the updates in the order I posted them.
From https://twitter.com/tonymyles
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : Gandalf doesn't end up with Hermione.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : Orlando Bloom returns as a slightly more mannish Keira Knightley.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : Orlando Bloom returns as a slightly more mannish Keira Knightley.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : Elrond wears Agent Smith style Matrix glasses.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : It already won a bunch of obscure Academy Awards for costumes... blah blah blah, something artistic, I think.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The movie happens in real time. Keifer Sutherland's character Jack Bauer somehow stays awake for 24 hours.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : John Rhys-Davies brought back for one scene for #Sliders fans where he looks at camera and says, "Mr Mallory!"
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : Musical scene with Beyonce' where she plays a temptress singing about how you shoulda putta ring on it.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The "orc" costumes resemble what Robin Williams wore when he landed in Colorado in the 70's.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : Will Ferrell plays a character simply known as "Elf" who is passionate about Christmas.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The phrase "there and back again" refers to a craving errand Bilbo's pregnant Hobbit wife sends him on.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The traditional hat worn by Gandalf has been replaced by a red metal helmet resistant to telepathic attacks.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : There are, in fact, 16 fade-to-black endings.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The ring is a Krispy Kream donut... the hot kind, not the cold kind.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The Elves have a foreign language they sometimes speak. This is actually just their attempt at German.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The different nations have political tension with each other, which is an ancient metaphor for #GoogleMaps
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The last name "Baggins" is revealed to be an acronym for "Boy Another Great Gain In Nerd Sales" (guilty!)
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : CeeLo Green plays a Hobbit who plays an Elf who plays a Troll who plays an Orc... with a cat.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : Andy Serkis does the voice of Morgan Freeman, and Morgan Freeman does the voice of Andy Serkis.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : Ian McKellen and Ian Holm wear matching "Ian" tennis bracelets. Gollum, naturally, wants one.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : One person in every theater nationwide memorized a map of all the lands and actually understands the route.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : Hobbits all bummed Sean Astin didn't make it into movie. Each lays down his ears; chants "Rudy" repeatedly.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : "Middle Earth" got its name by being in a love triangle with good guy "Upper Earth" and bad boy "Lower Earth"
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The "Shire" scenes are bootleg videos stolen from the movie Avatar.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The Winklevoss Elves are all played by the same guy.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The Dwarves don't talk about it much, but each one with a beard has killed an Ewok.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The treasure everyone's trying to reclaim are stock shares from "The Facebook" Timberlake's character swiped.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : Smaug, the dragon, isn't actually that smug. Most people overlook the "a" and he's "sick of all the haters."
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The Lonely Mountain symbolizes Mount Rushmore... only with actor Mickey Rourke's face in all four spots.
SPOILER ALERT for #TheHobbit : The characters Fili and Kili have a brother played by Ben Affleck you only see in the deleted scenes - Gigli.
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