buckets of affirmation

We all intrinisicly know this - certain people fill us up, some empty every ounce of our energy, and others don't seem to affect us much either way. Over time this can change, for I've had "fillers" become "emptiers" and vice-versa. Likewise, the "neutrals" have at times gone up and down based on context and relationship changes.


But what if you could influence that in some way?

If you had the opportunity to guide your interactions with others toward "mutually-filling" relationships, would you?

Some time ago I came across a resource in the book "How Full Is Your Bucket?" by Tom Rath and Don Clifton. The authors do a good job of helping people recognize how each person we connect with desires for us to "fill their bucket," but it must be more than trite compliments and friendly-isms. For bucket filling to be meaningful to the recipient, it must be personalized and specific to what that person needs.


Have you ever stopped to "interview" the people closest in your life about these questions?

1. By what name do you like to be called?


2. What are your “hot buttons” – hobbies or interests you like to talk about a lot?


3. What increases your positive emotions or “fills your bucket” the most?


4. From whom do you most like to receive recognition or praise?


5. What type of recognition or praise do you like best? Do you like public, private, written, verbal, or other kinds of recognition?

Speaking of which, here are my answers.

By what name do you like to be called?

Tony. "T" is good, too.

What are your “hot buttons” – hobbies or interests you like to talk about a lot?

Who Jesus Christ really is; how amazing it is to be married to my wife; the blessing my boys are to me; the potential for the Church to be what Jesus dreams it could be; my good, good, good friends; the energizing people I work with; the God-sized movement we call Connection Church; creative TV/movies with good writing;

What increases your positive emotions or “fills your bucket” the most?

When people are authentic... it drives me crazy when others won't talk with you but freely talk about you. Also, acts of service and gifts rock. I also find that right after I pour myself out - like after preaching or cooking or something that requires a risk - I am most appreciative of genuine affirmation... but need about a day to be ready for criticism.

From whom do you most like to receive recognition or praise?

Those who know me best... although it is interesting to hear about first impresions from people I first meet.

What type of recognition or praise do you like best? Do you like public, private, written, verbal, or other kinds of recognition?

All of them rock, but each depends on the circumstance. I never know what to do with public praise because it's just weird to be celebrated... I like it, mind you, but it's weird since most of the good things that happen through my life are because of God. Private is nice when it's from someone I know well.

Feel free to add your answers in the comments.