Nov 9, 2005

(extreme) intermission

Church StaffingThis can't be serious...
and sadly, it's rooted in a very serious reality.

From Churchstaffing.com - Check it out.

Pastor of Extreme Worship Arts (Miami, FL)
Denomination: Unknown
Worship Style: PostModern / Gen-X
Church Size: 1001 to 1500
Job Status: Full Time
Job Description: Main Event Church is seeking an exceptional leader to be our Pastor of Extreme Worship Arts. We believe the right person will be a unique fit for for such a time as this.This person serve under the Senior Pastor, and will oversee all areas of worship. Candidates must embrace the Senior Pastor’s vision of aligning all people of all denominations under the same vision. The person must also meet these requirements:

  • Ability to infuse the TULIP doctrine in all worship sets
  • Postmodern, Visionary, Missional leader capable of creating an ethos and apostolitic movement
  • Willing to find some songs written from a premillenial dispensationalist theological tradition
  • Desires to develop an emerging handbell choirSome snake handling may be appropriate (for our believers service only)
  • Agree that the Lord is to be worshiped through magnificent attire and appropriate versions of the Bible
  • Demonstrate proof of a second blessing... Tongue speaking in various accents is a major plus as we are a multicultural church.
  • Exegetically establish a movement of fluidity in the Extreme Worship Ministry
We realize that many of these requirements are personal preferences and not biblical mandates. Therefore, each candidate must be aligned with roughly 3/4 of all our requirements. Please send a resume in Microsoft Word or Adobe Reader Format to James at maineventchurch@yahoo.com

22 comments:

madelyn said...

WOW...as I began reading the ad I felt like the person that wrote it must have read several popular books on emergent worship, as they had a couple of "catch" phrases that you see in many "how-to" emergent books...but then it really took an unusual twist toward the end of the ad. I honestly cannot get a vision on what exactly this church must be looking for. I actually found several things floating through my head...one thought was the extreme sports idea, like is extreme worship being extreme for the sake of being extreme? Do extreme worshippers have to keep upping the stakes, is their worship never quite good enough so they have to keep being more extreme?

derek bethay said...

"Desires to develop an emerging handbell choir."

Yeah Baby!

Ken said...

It is obviously fake... THe addrress is not valid according to the Post Office and the website is fake... someone has a sick (like me) sense of humor...

Robbie said...

I want to know how to transform a mainline handbell choir into an emerging handbell choir?

Brian said...

I thought it was pretty funny, especially the "tongue speaking in various accents is a major plus as we are a multicultural church." Oh well.

Tony Myles said...

My favorite part is the fact that only 3/4 agreement is needed. That's a better shot than most church job descriptions looking for super-pastor!

Katie said...

Ok that made me laugh.

But then, when you read it again, it really is a bit sad, because you are right when you say it is based on reality. Not sure if I like that reality.

The Cubicle Reverend said...

Dibs on the snake handling.

s.e.whitby said...

it doesn't say what kind of ethos you have to create. how about an ethos of smart-assery?

the painful reality is that we all read ads that look reeeeally close to this every day.

J Fry said...

i don't think he was specific enough!!!! interesting view of what some churches deem necessary.

The Cubicle Reverend said...

As long as I can do the snake handling I don't care.

Tony Myles said...

Okay... the snake handling is yours. Just be sure the snakes are kosher.

The Cubicle Reverend said...

They don't eat pork.

Tony Myles said...

;)

james said...

Tony,

I am pumped we made it to your blog...I think the comment about the ad revealing a greater reality is an excellent point. But I have a question...and welcome your input

Which would be a worse reality
a) a church that posts such an ad
b) people that respond to that ad with real resumes, cover letters, and photos.

To apply for the position a person would have to 1) have no basic theological belief system that guides his/her ministry or 2) be willing to compromise his/her beliefs in order to get a ministry job.

The person described in the advertisement does not exist. The theological tenets placed in the wanted ad oppose each another at the most basic level. There is no such thing as a Calvinist (TULIP) who handles snakes. There is no such thing as a leader who claims to be postmodern (emerging) and a premillenial dispensationalist who insists on a specific Bible translation.

If a person claimed to ascribe to all of the thinking in the advertisement, he or she would be a schizophrenic believer. The person would lack a coherent belief system. Or worse, the person would be willing to subscribe to any belief system in order to land an interview.

Yet people applied.

God bless,
James
maineventchurch@yahoo.com

Tony Myles said...

Wow! I can't believe you tracked this down... who knew?

To answer your question, I'll share an experience. I've been on the job hunt for quite some time and am getting quite tired of some of the ads I see posted. So many churches are advertising a Superman role that not even Jesus could satisfy. (I hope that wasn't heresy right there)

Anyway, one church in particular just ground my grind by their ad for someone who would give them a program that they could boast about in their town. (I don't have the exact quote in front of me, but that was the basic core of it) They also wanted someone who would spend every day on campus while logging in countless office hours.

At first I thought it was a joke (like this ad), but it was real.

So when I say this is based on a sad reality, I know this first hand. Thankfully I've been scarred enough that I know how to sniff these things out early in an interview now. And yet the cycle continues.

Here's the kicker, though... in spite of all this I still believe in the Church. Call me crazy, but for every 10 local churches that gets it wrong I believe in the 1 that might get it right. Maybe instead of critiquing it all I can be a proactive part of the solution. Maybe we all can.

I know that the ad was false - it's impossible (which is why it caught my eye). So per your question... which is weirder? A wise jedi once asked, "Who's more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?"

james said...

Amen bro.
I believe in the church as well. Despite the fact that 9 of 10 miss the boat, God continues to move and to work. I do pray that the tides will change. I believe a lot hangs in the balance, and it is critical. A lot rests on us to partner with God to push the movement of the faith forward. For that to happen, leaders must have a sense of their theology and the ministry philosophy that flows from their beliefs.

After all, what will be inviting people to become a part of?

The responses reveal that some seeking to lead/serve His bride lack a coherent belief system. That alarms me...because I believe churchs will change as godly leaders inspire that change.

Tony Myles said...

Or... sadly, maybe the issue behind your emails is that some people are so tired of looking for a job that they'll apply to anything that sounds like it will offer pay, position, or publicity.

I know I've been tempted that way...

james said...

my point exactly...thanks for the interraction

Angele said...

Wow! After all my laughing out loud on the early comments, I couldn't believe this James guy tracked this post down! I wish he'd commented on how he found out about it.

I'm going to have my two pastor friends read this post--they'll get a huge kick out of it.

bigkey said...

It is not so funny when you stop to think if it was real they wiuld have a congration of people that have been shoved out of other churches because a few people thought they had a right to shove them out claiming they were not the right type of people wanted in there chirch, there are a lot of good people that have given up on finding a church that really looks at what the bible says, all say they do but in truth few churches really do that. case in point is the church I grew up in was a one room school house that was drug to domaeted land, it had no heat or lights, my family worked with a few others and now it is a big fine new church but the young grew and now it is for only the right people to belong to. now it is a very nice big church with a great past but a lousy future. bigkey

Tony Myles said...

I get what you're saying... there are a lot of politics in church situations.

However... I still believe it's worth striving for the purity side.